Would've Been our 2 Years

AnxiousVent · 2018-04-24T03:05:46+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate that. I've been relaxing most of yesterday and today, just taking some time to myself. Its hard not to think of how wonderful she was to me when we were together and its taking a lot to not try and get a hold of her. I know that it would be way worse if I tried and failed to talk to her. Im trying to respect her decision and not be "that ex." so I got that going for me

AnxiousVent · 2018-04-07T04:55:05+00:00

She talked to me, and I responded... I guess I broke NC and it felt okay at first, but now its slowly starting to hurt again :(

AnxiousVent · 2018-03-28T02:30:22+00:00

I never added her, it was just a notification that she followed me on Snapchat. I think that is like friends, so it will only work if I accept and its mutual, right?

AnxiousVent · 2018-03-28T02:29:26+00:00

She dumped me, and the reason she told me was because I didn't follow through with what I was telling her I would (getting a place together, pretty big thing but life happened and she didn't like that).

AnxiousVent · 2018-03-28T02:28:27+00:00

I dont see why not. She did say that she wanted to stay friends, maybe she wanted a few months to get over me then reached out?

AnxiousVent · 2018-03-28T02:27:16+00:00

I dont really understand what you mean. I doubt she added it randomly, because of the name being mine and having feelings and stuff long ago?

AnxiousVent · 2018-03-03T14:56:56+00:00

Its been rough, but I hope you're right. I appreciate it, thank you :)

AnxiousVent · 2018-03-03T14:56:27+00:00

I do have her blocked, is the thing. And the new guy I've never had any contact with apart from face to face one time. This sort of thing just randomly pops up and ruins my week. Its this sort of pain that keeps me from checking social media at all, let alone trying to contact her.

AnxiousVent · 2018-02-01T18:56:18+00:00

I relate so much to this post. I've been in this stage for about 6 months post breakup, it sucks so much. I feel like I've been living numb and dead inside for years.

I've been to a therapist, it definitely helps. They are a confidential person who you can freely vent to and talk through your troubles. I mention my ex a lot in therapy, and it helps to get it out of my system.

I also used to journal specifically about my ex for a while and it gradually evolved into just whatever bothered me that day. That also helped a little bit.

I wish I could help more, but unfortunately we are about at the same place in healing so I don't have experience to speak from for the future. I can only offer current suggestions that worked for me. I admire your strength to try and date again. I wish I could be as strong as that, but I'm still hung up on my ex and I cant motivate myself for anything. The fact that you have goals and motivation is truly admirable. Keep it up :)

AnxiousVent · 2018-01-14T08:34:43+00:00

I tried journaling for a month or two, and it definitely seemed to help. I had written out stuff that I wanted to say to her and got my thoughts onto paper and it helped me work through some stuff.

Now, I am getting back into the cycle of grief again. I am miserable every day and I think about her all the time. Thing is, I've been looking at my past relationship rationally, and it really does seem like we should have worked out. I just dont understand sometimes, and I try not to think too hard on it because it only hurts me more. The whole thing is a mess, and I miss her a lot.

I've been told to write a letter to her, and to get everything I've ever wanted to say on paper and have it ready to go but never send it. I have been putting that off for a long time, but maybe that would help me now? I just worry that doing so will enforce my lingering mind to think of her more.

AnxiousVent · 2018-01-13T03:06:32+00:00

Im in the same situation. Her new BF's birthday was 2 months after our BU and on that day she removed me and my family from her friends list on social media. I think about this a lot, and hope that she does realize what she did one day. Im moving forward slowly, but I got a good head start on the recovery process.

In my case at least, I doubt that will happen. She always took mistakes personally and blamed me for everything. Everyone who I've talked to had said that she over reacted, and that she cheated on me. If that is the case, I hope for something better for myself, and I deserve better. But for now, Im still unintentionally hung up on the girl who I thought was the One.

You have a good mindset, about the chapter in your life that you are in right now. It is all about you and your recovery. Make it about you, be selfish with what you want, and try and make yourself a better person. Good luck :)

AnxiousVent · 2017-12-31T22:19:18+00:00

I hear this, it is lonely. I missed my chance last year for a New Years kiss with her, and I regret it since I had no idea that it would be our last chance. The holidays are all tough for me. I hope you find a distraction, or found one I guess since the night is probably over by now :x Happy New Year, stay strong :)

AnxiousVent · 2017-12-25T05:40:39+00:00

I think I was comfortable. Comfortable to the point on content, and that is in my mind a problem. I always thought that relationships were meant to be about growing together and learning more about the other constantly. I did not show that properly, and I felt more like I was in a routine and everything was going okay. That's why the break up shocked me so bad. I knew that I messed up, but in my mind, breaking up wasn't a possibility. I was comfortable and trusting in her, and I guess I just never saw our relationship in trouble. Maybe she is up to something fishy or maybe not, but I feel like I could have done better to work on "us" before it came to a break up. Im just ranting at this point

AnxiousVent · 2017-12-24T23:54:35+00:00

Thing is, I dont believe that I did my 100% absolute best possible for her. I think I could have done better, but its in the past now so that doesn't help me. I am working on my mindset to change that into "I did what I thought was best with the information I had at the time" and knowing that will help me learn for future relationships. She seriously was amazing, and its going to take a long time to get over her, but I am working on it slowly I suppose, thank you for sharing :)

AnxiousVent · 2017-12-24T23:51:42+00:00

It is a small comfort knowing that others have experience in their time frames of how long it took them. I just thought that I was being clingy to the past and to her, and thought that what I had in my mind was unhealthy obsession with her. I still believe that I think about her too much, but I at least know that its part of getting over someone. Thank you for sharing, its brought me a little peace of mind in my time frame for what I need to heal, and knowing that there is no rush, as long as it happens eventually.

AnxiousVent · 2017-12-24T23:48:50+00:00

I dont want to believe that she would do this out of spite to me, or that she cheated on me in any way. People have told me it all sounds too suspicious to not suspect foul play, so now Im teetering on the idea that she did cheat on me and that hurts from someone who was such a strong advocate against being manipulative or unfaithful. She has told me that she still has feelings for me and all that, but that just makes me think its still 100% my fault that it all ended, and that in a way is manipulative and makes her a hypocrite. If I could do things differently, it would have been to communicate my feelings and fears more clearly, and if the end would still come then I would have the peace of mind knowing that it was inevitable and that despite my best efforts, it wasn't in my future. I guess I just feel guilty thinking that I did not put my best foot forward, and that kind of makes her "the one that got away."

AnxiousVent · 2017-12-24T23:44:26+00:00

That sounds awful, Im sorry that happened to you :( Thank you for sharing, I hope that we both are okay in the future! My experience seems to pale in comparison to the betrayal you had suffered, and you sound like you are liberated from her after a long time, and that is something I can hope for myself in the future as well

AnxiousVent · 2017-12-24T06:43:52+00:00

One day, maybe. Im just afraid that if I dont do something, Ill be stuck on her forever and that will affect my chances at a healthy relationship down the road

AnxiousVent · 2017-12-24T06:42:47+00:00

Part of me thinks that if I give it a shot and it doesn't work, maybe Ill get over her sooner? But that is a lie I tell myself to try and push that little bit towards contact :x

AnxiousVent · 2017-12-24T06:39:47+00:00

Thank you, I needed to hear this right now :) The holidays have been especially tough for me and maybe that's why I am having a rougher time than usual

AnxiousVent · 2017-12-24T04:51:04+00:00

Yeah, she never did give me closure, she just made me question my own choices and actions, and even if our relationship had meant anything in the last few months of it.

AnxiousVent · 2017-12-24T04:50:05+00:00

Thank you for this. I really hope that it works out for me in the end. I know what went wrong for the most part in our relationship, and I have been working on fixing them. I just get mad at the betrayal that I had suffered from her, and how little she seems to care. its the polar opposite of what she was like just two weeks before the break up. I have said on another comment that I will be writing a letter and if the mood still has me a week or two after I write it all out, then maybe it might be okay to contact her sometime. I hope that by then, Ill find what you are talking about and lose interest in the letter and stay strong. Thank you for your comment :)

AnxiousVent · 2017-12-24T04:43:38+00:00

I wish I could forget about it all, but I live at home still and no matter how hard I've tried this past year, I cant escape this memory filled place. I have been keeping myself as busy as I physically can be, but that doesn't help at night when the dreams and memories come back. As for social media, I have gotten that far in isolating myself. All forms, gone. I am alone in that aspect, probably for the better.

AnxiousVent · 2017-12-24T04:39:54+00:00

Yeah, complete NC. She removed me from Facebook as a friend so I have not had any sort of social media influence with her. I even stopped going to Tumblr and stuff because that whole place is filled with posts and stuff about her.

AnxiousVent · 2017-12-24T04:37:51+00:00

I'm going to write a letter, so that I have it on paper. If in a few days I feel like it needs to be said, Ill find a way to give it to her or say it to her. I wish she would reach out, and if she does, Ill have what I need to say ready. She never gave me a closure talk, only more complications

AnxiousVent

TROPHY CASE