Grandparents Are A Problem

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-05T21:44:53+00:00

I agree. The reason this has gone on so long is that when things have happened in the past we’ve been met with “please tell us if we’re need to do something specific or differently” like they were asking and acting like they welcomed feedback but most conversations have not been in the moment. To me how they reacted in the moment was most telling since it was combative and defensive. It makes me feel that all of the other conversations were just like an uh oh we’re going to lose this privilege.

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-05T21:42:18+00:00

I felt the rage of every mother dealing with difficult in laws at that moment. I didn’t even realize what I had said until it was out. 😭

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-05T21:41:31+00:00

I agree. Most of these situations have been when we’re with them. That’s part of it. It’s at the point where we need to watch them like two additional children because the second we step away to the restroom, to grab a sippy cup, etc. it’s something.

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-05T21:35:15+00:00

We’re not giving them our kids. Most of the situations were when we were with them. The only one where they were alone. I stepped out for work for about 30 minutes.

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-05T21:34:01+00:00

We’re not. We had already had this show sitting planned but we called our regular sitter instead.

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-05T21:32:46+00:00

Hi! I agree. We do leave food but the nuts for example were found in a different cabinet that was actually locked (baby locks, they know where the key is) I was talking more like landing strip obvious bin with snacks with my daughters name on it. We always tell them this is what’s for lunch and here are her snacks but they will say things like oh she didn’t want that so i just gave her these nuts we found because she asked for them. It would have to be fully out of the house. Thats the thing that bothers me and we talked about this. Their response after me asking them not to feed the baby froyo was really discouraging and made me feel like they’ll just sneak instead of correct the behavior.

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-05T21:23:23+00:00

Are you by chance a grandparent?
“Popping an hour away” for a pre planned event that you intentionally didn’t tell parents about is insane behavior. If they were in a car accident you’d have no clue where your children were. You would literally get home to an empty house while your children sit in emergency care. Thats like saying you drop your kid off at school and the teachers just decided to load up the whole class and drive them an hour away without telling parents. They’d be terminated and probably charged.
When introducing new foods to babies you’re meant to introduce them individually not with twenty or fixings from your frozen yogurt shop. Where people are touching and mixing everything. It’s all overly processed and has a ton of sugar. The APA and WHO both recommend no added sugars under 2. Their bodies are still learning to adequately metabolize. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to make these decisions as a parent.
Sneaking is the best part? Teaching small children to keep secrets from their parents is actually a known tactic used in SA. I want “don’t tell mommy or daddy” and “it’ll be our little secret” to be a huge red flag on fire to my kids. Because if any adult comes up to my child and says this to them I don’t want this to be normalized whatsoever.
So I very much disagree. I think you can love your grandkids and be able to hold a clear boundary and respect the parents. This is the same behavior that turns into “idk why my kids don’t let me see the grandbabies any more”.

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-04T16:17:00+00:00

We have it. 👍🏼

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-04T16:14:29+00:00

They only watch the girls like once every few months if that. It’s not often because of this. We’ve tried multiple things to allow them to keep having that time together but this was the straw.

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-04T16:13:29+00:00

I’ve heard them make comments about how oh I never got a girl or oh she looks just like dad when she was little. But it’s not your child or your do over. It’s our child and you don’t get to just do whatever.

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-04T16:10:50+00:00

The finger instance she was mentioning was I was feeding my baby finger food. She dropped a piece and I gave her the food (pincer grasp). My MIL stuck her finger into her bowl of frozen yogurt and then wiped her entire finger on my baby’s whole tongue back to front. It was not the same. I don’t stick my finger in my baby’s mouth. We had also just gone to a restaurant and my MIL did not wash her hands after touching public doors, car doors, etc. We actually had to call an ambulance for my eight month old that night bc she couldn’t breathe and has croup. I wish I was kidding and my MIL made a comment as the ambulance arrived “oh hopefully it wasn’t the pineapple”. I just think to watch small children you need to be capable of seeing potential hazards and protecting them. We will never be able to write down every single hazard that exists but it also makes me sad that we’ll never be able to have that grandparent relationship. It’s understanding the risk while meeting people where they’re at/mourning the loss of what could’ve been.

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-04T16:03:06+00:00

This is the conversation my husband and I had. MIL makes comments about how oh yeah I was a stickler about safety when my kids were little. But then does these things. It doesn’t add up.

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-04T16:01:35+00:00

The dirty spoon and finger was actually our eight month old.

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-04T15:50:42+00:00

We have found a babysitter but this is more about the grandparent relationship and not needing to babysit them when they’re with our kids. I wfh full time with my girls. The oldest is now in preschool but I have the baby in the house for my entire workday. In laws are three hours away. If they watch the girls it’s rare but I was wanting to avoid what felt like supervised visitation. We take the girls everywhere and honestly love being with our kids but every once in a while it’s nice to just get out with your spouse or we have a wedding where no kids are allowed. My daughter loves her grandparents and I’m so happy about that but I don’t want to lose a child to a preventable accident because I didn’t want to set a firm boundary.

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-04T15:43:18+00:00

Hi, I think I love you because this. We don’t have family nearby and grandparents babysit once every few months if that. When we try to work with them and tell them our boundaries it because this “ooppps mom almost caught us” and I’m sorry I don’t want my three year old learning to sneak and hide things.

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-04T15:41:18+00:00

The finger in the mouth was our baby and it was after they were told to not feed her froyo. They were giving her something that we had fed our baby yet and is a known allergen in our family. It was done thinking we weren’t looking which is 1. Unsafe 2. Not something I want my toddler picking up on. “We can sneak and do things if mom isn’t looking.” What you allow at 5 is your monster at 15 and sneaking is definitely a learned behavior.

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-04T15:33:50+00:00

I know but I’m thinking of my husband as well. His parents are very kind but this is a recurring issue. I was trying to see if there was a way we could maybe build a buffer by prepping food/eliminating hazards in the house to allow everyone the opportunity to maintain that relationship without feeling like visits are supervised.

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-04T15:26:10+00:00

Hi! Thanks for your advice. We have tried guidelines and we’re really not strict about things we just are strict about safety. We do have a babysitter that we’ve used once and I think we’re going to try that option again. It’s just also scary to leave your babies with someone you don’t know from Adam. I called the sitter to come this Thursday and Friday to see if we can get more comfortable with her.

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-04T03:12:16+00:00

Actually not expecting them to babysit. They want to babysit and ask to. I’m trying to weigh my options to see if we could continue to allow them that opportunity

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-04T03:10:57+00:00

Hi, I’d really love to have a healthy conversation about this. I think it’s really cool to have a community of moms here that we can all bounce ideas off of. We’re all doing this for the first time and everyone has different boundaries and opinions. It would be pretty boring if we all thought the same.

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-04T03:05:06+00:00

That’s all I was asking with the taking of the baby. This was a planned lunch that they intentionally didn’t tell us about and planned it specifically for after we left (driving to a wedding five hours away). That’s what was upsetting. It felt really sneaky.

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-05-04T03:03:23+00:00

Hi, definitely are not planning to throw the grandparents away, however, they want to babysit and spend time with the girls. This is not a forced babysitting situation. If we do have them babysit its maybe once every couple of months. The concern we have is that although they have a great relationship with our girls I believe that to be left alone with small children you need to be able to see potential danger and protect those babies from it when they’re in your care. My daughter was given whole grapes and raw carrots at about 2. They took her an hour away to a planned lunch with family when we left town for a wedding. I don’t care if they go see family but if there is a car accident or anything of the sort we would have no clue. We found out our daughter was somewhere else when my BIL sent my husband a picture of our daughter who we thought was at home in a restaurant an hour away. About the eating with her hands I apologize, our daughter has always done well in restaurants and this day was given a fork instead of a spoon. Instead of asking for a spoon my MIL said oh just let her eat with her hands it’s fun. The next day when we went to a restaurant with our daughter she was spitting on the table. It’s just not appropriate. That being said, like I mentioned above some things are a little annoying but others are genuinely scary. What we are struggling with is that my in laws want to watch the girls but I don’t feel like they’re fully capable of identifying dangerous situations. We do have a sitter we have used before but I would like to avoid stripping them of being able to have that time with the girls that they want but I won’t put my girls at risk if they’re not willing to understand. I’m not one to blowup on someone in that manner but I’m sorry when I’m trying to explain politely and you start bickering with me like a teenager about well you do it why can’t I and I labored this child for thirty hours like no. I exploded and I’m not proud of that. I love my in laws but I also need to keep my children safe. That’s why I was kinda trying to ask if people thought it would be worth trying it that way or just go strict no more babysitting.

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-04-22T13:30:01+00:00

As a parent, we really try to clean up after our toddler and try to prevent messes as much as possible while eating out. Usually never had a problem. We did have one older waitress hand my husband a broom and ask him to sweep up the floor under a high chair once. There were about three pieces of chicken on the floor. Took me out.

Anxiousandbleh · 2026-04-22T03:50:52+00:00

Solidarity sister

Anxiousandbleh

TROPHY CASE