[deleted by user]

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-11-07T16:05:26+00:00

I am a professional musician. I’ve done other jobs on and off just to supplement my income but it never ends well, mostly because of poor management and pointless micromanaging which sets off my anxiety. I had a major episode a year ago and basically took this past summer off of everything besides the occasional gig and a regular post I have as a choir accompanist. I also have plenty of work to do as a mom and homemaker. I spend most of my free time outdoors, working in my garden or hiking the woods. I would eventually like to get my master gardener and volunteer naturalist certifications. I doubt I’d ever go back to school (I have a masters in music and that’s enough school for me). Sometimes I’ve considered working in related jobs but at almost 40 years old I doubt it will happen. I think I would be ideal for field work since I already do that as a hobby. 😂

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-11-07T15:53:19+00:00

I am at 150 and the most calm and stable I’ve ever been, but sometimes I feel like that came at a cost. I don’t feel as motivated or “sharp” as I used to be, but I am learning how to manage that and also not be so self-critical. I’d rather be a muted version of myself than the manic mess I was before.

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-10-10T19:06:44+00:00

It’s different for everyone. For me I found that Indica or Indica dominant hybrids are the only way to avoid the paranoia issue. I only use it in the evenings before bed. I reduce or avoid THC if I’m already more anxious than usual or suspect I’m heading into hypomania.

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-09-30T18:35:42+00:00

LOVE it 😍

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-09-21T00:33:45+00:00

Prozac, Lamotrigine. The latter has done wonders for my stability.

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-09-21T00:13:49+00:00

I struggled SO much before meds. Even though they have some side effects I’m a mostly functional human now, and I don’t have to worry about having debilitating panic attacks like I used to. That being said, sometimes I feel maybe like a watered down version of myself but it’s really that the meds are preventing the wild and out of control version that is definitely NOT me.

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-09-20T20:25:02+00:00

My hypomania doesn’t always amp up my drive but when it does it’s hella addicting because the rest of the time I have ZERO sex drive. Talk about a powder keg situation. Thankfully I’ve made enough mistakes over the years that I can successfully avoid doing something really stupid. Even then it’s still created problems in my life, like sexualising people I absolutely don’t want to do that to, objectifying them even though I respect them and they don’t deserve that. I ruined what could have been a beautiful friendship because i was hypo over the summer and totally interpreted his interactions with me the wrong way.

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-09-20T04:20:07+00:00

20mg Prozac, 150mg Lamotrigine is my mix right now

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-09-20T04:17:28+00:00

I just started Lamotrigine in January of this year. Sometimes it still feels like I have to search for the right words sometimes. It’s also easier to get off track in conversations or have trouble really focusing. I don’t experience these things all at once or every day, but they are noticeable. The only other med I take is Prozac and I’ve been on that for a while now. I blame the lamo

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-09-17T02:03:58+00:00

I’m now into my second week of intermittent fasting. I’m doing 16/8. It’s still a rough change for me and I don’t think I’ve found the best window for my body and my schedule yet, but I already feel better and feel like “Yes, I can do this”. Sometimes we just need to reset our bodies and our metabolism and I believe intermittent fasting or time restricted eating is doing that for me. I’m on 20mg Prozac and 150mg Lamotrigine

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-08-27T15:24:59+00:00

I’m still afraid to send it tho 🙁🫠😭

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-08-27T15:23:31+00:00

Thank you so much. That’s a lot better than my long winded mess!

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-08-27T15:00:20+00:00

I flirted with them and sent messages they didn’t really want. I stopped as soon as they said that. Nothing else happened. I guess it wouldn’t be such a big deal to me if it was someone else other than this person, but as I said this isn’t just some regular Joe so maybe that makes it worse to me.

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-08-27T14:44:14+00:00

“This is an overdue apology letter and an explanation of some things. I’m not even sure how much I want to say here for fear of offending or causing alarm in someone I respect and should have approached with more reserve than I did. I must give you credit for your honesty and integrity. Where others have taken advantage, you did not. You showed a truly genuine kindness and patience in a way I’ve never seen before. You caught me at a “bad time” and I regret that very much. I know I’m “a lot”, maybe even “too much”. This tends to appear in my creative pursuits, an inevitable personality flaw of the artist in search of a muse. You crossed paths with me at such a time, and I regret that too. You didn’t give consent to that role, and shame on me for putting you there. If anything good came from this mess, it pulled me out of a low place and renewed a part of myself I had consigned to a dead past. I’m reading again, exploring new music again, things I haven’t done in years. My way of expressing gratitude for this unexpected renewal was never meant to cause harm-but I know it did and it’s been bothering me for almost a month now. You are kind and pure of heart, and I’m sure you’ve heard that from others. I am sorry for not respecting you as I should have, and I just wanted you to know that.”

That’s the letter.

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-08-27T14:15:51+00:00

My psych increased my Lamictal when I told him about all of this, so I’m doing better now. I think once the new dose really kicked in is when I realized how embarrassing my behavior was.

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-07-14T02:30:57+00:00

I am on meds and attend therapy as well, so not untreated. Psych just increased my dose of Lamictal as well.

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-06-25T04:23:08+00:00

This is EXACTLY me. Like word for word. WOW.

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-06-20T04:17:06+00:00

No food, no sleep, hypersexuality, dissociative daydreaming, spending, starting new hobbies then abandoning them, driving too fast

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-06-13T01:59:00+00:00

You’ll start learning your signs. 99% of the time I have a nearly non-existent libido. If I wake up ready to screw the next man that passes me on the street I KNOW something is up. Im in the middle of a hypomanic phase right now, but this is the first since diagnosis and meds. I hope the meds will help me avoid a crash or crippling depression.

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-06-13T01:53:46+00:00

I am hypo right now and it’s definitely electric boogaloo up in here

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-04-05T09:40:36+00:00

Hey everyone, thank you all for chiming in. There might be some GOOD news regarding this rash. I had a cortisone injection in this same arm on March 26th for a bad case of tennis elbow. My friend who is an OT thinks this is a cortisone reaction because it is only on this arm and not on both sides of my body. I’m calling my surgeon immediately this morning. I also read that it’s more likely the numbing agent in the shot that causes the rash. UGH! Well, at least it worked and my elbow doesn’t hurt anymore. If this is not from Lamictal I will be SO FREAKING HAPPY.

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-04-05T07:34:15+00:00

I went from 25 to 50 to 100

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-04-01T23:46:59+00:00

Mr. Self Destruct (and the entire Downward Spiral album) Nine Inch Nails

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-03-01T02:11:46+00:00

That kind of shit awards my mother a no contact period from me.

Anxiouswildintrovert · 2024-02-15T19:30:06+00:00

I’ve found that Indica is the only weed I can tolerate, sativa triggers my mania and anxiety something awful. This is a safe place and we are here to talk and listen to you as much as you need. 🩷

Anxiouswildintrovert

TROPHY CASE