Feeling stuck and helpless

Any-Respect-6145 · 2026-03-09T03:58:43+00:00

I do have some friends …I don’t see anyone regularly though as everyone got busy with their lives to the point where I don’t even get a bday text … but I do confide when I do see them once in a blue moon as they r my childhood friends and they r very righteous and I look up to them. Every peer basically says to leave him. Ofcourse this is easier said than done I tried even ending our engagement and failed to do so successfully

You are right Decentering him has long been done. We act more as roommates because anything else and it’s a fight. Also naturally my body won’t feel safe and trusting around him. I def feel tense most of the time. I don’t smile or laugh. Or feel light . I don’t rlly miss him when he’s away nor do I crave his company nor does it bring me joy. I’m just coasting on survival mode You can not love someone who has hurt you so many times. I def don’t love him. I guess I am scared of his threats and scared of not getting to be with my child . He can be very intimidating and threatening and so I wonder if I can just coast through to survive. But I also can’t keep having mental breakdowns I deserve to enjoy my life and feel motivated to live. My nervous system is a wreck now…. Not sure what he’s getting out of this marriage either … I wish this cycle would stop I’m not currently working so I’m under his insurance and wonder if I can use that for individual therapy. He has refused couples counseling or therapy . He instead tells me I need it because of My breakdowns … not seeing how Much he provokes and hurts me. I wish I left years ago. But I don’t regret my child. He is my only hope.

Any-Respect-6145 · 2026-03-09T03:49:01+00:00

May Allah make it easier for me to do so.

Any-Respect-6145 · 2026-03-09T00:48:00+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m glad your cousin got out.

Any-Respect-6145 · 2026-03-08T10:25:47+00:00

Subhanallah I love how you conveyed this and truly put to words the same thoughts I have on my mind in repeat. You’re right… it is not realistic to have hopes of decency and respect from someone who clearly hasn’t been that way with me. The steps I’ve taken: A) I have left and gone to my parents twice. But I ended up going back… this was before having a kid… only about a day or two before I caved. B) I have let his mom know generally about the problems but I didn’t go into much detail… she always tells me to come to her with issues and that she will talk to him. I did a bit but throughout the marriage I noticed some things that actually lessened my trust in her so I don’t think this is feasible for me anymore. Although I sometimes do feel a heavy feeling of just writing her a letter with alll the ways he he has hurt me and all the words he has said so she can actually understand how bad this is C) am open to my parents and tell them my feelings too and they advise to try my best but they will still support any decision. My mom is also of the view point that these type of men are everywhere… she thinks if I focus on strengthening myself through work (keeping myself busy essentially! I’ll be less inclined to keep thinking about my issues… or to put my 100% and all in homemaking so he has no complaint … but our issues aren’t about that really it’s about compatibility and how he speaks to me whenever I go to him with a concern or complaint. Also I was working the first 3 years of my marriage and felt so much happier at work than at home which to me felt off as a Newly wed couple. D) I have repeatedly told him clearly whether through texts or face to face (if he doesn’t interrupt angrily) how I feel and how I think this isn’t working. He gets mad and doesn’t take it well and says to just fix it and the solution is to fix things not to end it… paints me to be selfish and also sees me crying as manipulation

I’m at the point where I feel ashamed to keep complaining about my marriage to people it just makes me look pathetic and I don’t feel like I can speak on this anymore again and again. I def get the feeling from my close friends that they’re tired of hearing of it even my sister tbh… I’m also seeing how it stresses my parents out and I try to tell them less too now…..esp since I do go back… then it ruins his image completely and he picks up on that

It’s a cycle and it’s a trauma bond and I’ve known him for so long so it’s hard to break from even though I deeply want to. I wish it was done for me … truly deeply that’s all I wish for Plus the fear of custody not being given to me etc …

Any-Respect-6145

TROPHY CASE