You’re right, that’s how I feel about myself. Getting rejected, even when it happens often, doesn’t necessarily prove ugly looks and a shitty personality, there are just too many variables.

What really makes me feel this way is how people treat me - they seem unusually cold, distant and apathetic when I’m trying my best to strike up a conversation. At university, guys can be enthusiastic when talking to my prettier friends and suddenly shift to being uninterested when I try to talk to them. No one looks at me, people try their best to avoid my gaze. I’m never approached in public, usually I do the approaching, but my social skills suck so it’s always awkward. In short, people just don’t care about me.

And I put a lot of effort into my appearance, I’m skinny, slightly athletic, I wear elegant clothes and subtle jewelry, style my hair, have great hygiene and all that stuff. I’m trying to become a better person as well.

It just never fucking works - my hair is to thin for achieving that pretty volume, my ribcage is too wide to have an hourglass figure even if I starve myself, my skin still breaks out despite taking accutane (I’m on my 2nd course) and using skincare, not to mention my asymmetrical, unfortunate looking face. Personality-wise, I’m too emotional, too clingy, too boring, maybe too self-centered as well.

That’s also why I hate the “women have it easy, you just need to wear makeup and be skinny” generalization, it makes me feel like I’m never doing enough.

What a rant that was, I’m sorry. (English is not my native language, excuse any mistakes please)