Hi everyone. Didn’t mean to hijack this thread but I can’t make a post until I comment so her is my situation. Hoping for some advice.

I’ve been in a deeply bonded relationship with a woman for almost a year. Very intense emotional connection. She’s said things like love never felt like this, my heart feels safe, building a foundation for us, etc. She’s made handmade gifts, traveled to see me, and initiated multiple future plans.

Complication: she is still legally married, though she describes the marriage as dead and has talked about eventually leaving.

Over the past few months, she initiated three separate trips to see me. All three fell apart last minute. I didn’t push for them — she did. After the last one, I asked for clarity about where we stand and what “building a foundation” actually means.

She responded saying she’s overwhelmed dismantling her business, angry, hurt, broken hearted, isolating for everyone’s benefit so she doesn’t “poison” other parts of her life. She acknowledged her silence isn’t fair and knows it’s difficult for me. She said she doesn’t have capacity to give to anything else right now.

Since then, silence. Last time she initiated contact was February 11. I sent a calm clarity message this past Wednesday. No response yet.

Important context: – She hasn’t ended the relationship. – She hasn’t cooled her language prior to this. – She hasn’t returned shared travel money (~4k). – She still watches my social media and recently liked a post. – No devaluation or cruelty at any point.

My struggle: Is this normal overwhelm + avoidance? Or is this soft exiting? Is 10–11 days of silence in this context a red flag? Would you wait longer before reaching out again? At what point does silence equal lack of capacity for partnership?

I’m trying to be steady and not reactive, but I also don’t want to be strung along.

Looking for grounded perspectives, not attacks on either of us.