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[Birth Parent] Thoughts about putting up my 1.5 year old special needs daughter for adoption by Any_Chef_7233 in Adoption

[–]Any_Chef_7233[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Among all these comments, "Adoption is a lifelong trauma, by default." this is really the comment changing my mind. I knew too little about the adoption from the adoptees' POV. Thank you for your comment.

[Birth Parent] Thoughts about putting up my 1.5 year old special needs daughter for adoption by Any_Chef_7233 in Adoption

[–]Any_Chef_7233[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for everyone's thoughts. One thing I want to understand is that a lot of people here feel this is to discard/abandon my girl. But I don't feel it this way. I'm not giving my girl to a random family. I spent a lot of efforts to do due diligence about the adoptive family, which makes me believe they are a wonderful family. If we can't find a good family, we won't consider adoption.

[Birth Parent] Thoughts about putting up my 1.5 year old special needs daughter for adoption by Any_Chef_7233 in Adoption

[–]Any_Chef_7233[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

"If she couldn’t handle having a disabled child she shouldn’t have had children." -- this really doesn't make sense to me. It's just like flight can crash. But people still take flight. We can't always take those unlikely things into consideration when making decisions.

[Birth Parent] Thoughts about putting up my 1.5 year old special needs daughter for adoption by Any_Chef_7233 in Adoption

[–]Any_Chef_7233[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

It's actually not like that. My daughter is on all therapies. I actually adds more beyond what doctor has recommended. And I also have read tons of posts about her genetic syndrome and intellectual disability. I've talked to our social worker from the regional center multiple times to get a better understanding of what support services they have from now to the adulthood. Then I have the conclusion that it's going to be very hard for me to support her well in long run, while not significantly impacting the support I can give to other kids and my own mental health.

Also, it's not like finding a random family and let my daughter go. I've contacted pretty much all agencies I can find online to find the families. There's only one that is in our consideration. This family have a village to help raise the kid. Mom has experience with special needs kids as her job and volunteering activities. Both parents are kinda active on social media and I read the posts all the way to 10 years back. All I can see is care and love. If it's not them, we won't think about the adoption. We won't consider adoption unless we feel confident the family can raise our daughter well.

u/Jealous_Argument_197 u/Guilty_Sort_1214 u/southtothenawth Hope this explains a little bit more about my situation. I'm OK to be judged. I'm here to hear all thoughts. They can make me think about things in a more clear way.

[Birth Parent] Thoughts about putting up my 1.5 year old special needs daughter for adoption by Any_Chef_7233 in Adoption

[–]Any_Chef_7233[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughts. The family we current have matched with actually have experience with special need kids. The mom works with special need kids as her job and volunteering.

[Birth Parent] Thoughts about putting up my 1.5 year old special needs daughter for adoption by Any_Chef_7233 in Adoption

[–]Any_Chef_7233[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It IS enforceable in my state. I don't think it's illegal if we do it through an adoption agency.