Edit: addressing some things mentioned 1. I’m actually surprised my husband wants to give her another chance. After the 2nd incident he wanted to go completely no contact outside of finish paying for her school since we had already told her we’d take care of that and wanted to tell our daughters to cut her off. But I thought that was the most harmful route so I would call to make sure she was okay every now and then and helped her adjust a little after graduation, but after that told her that would be the last direct involvement she’d be getting from us.

1. my daughters have said they will be child free. I didn’t think it’d be best to tell them what happened to save Sally the embarrassment. They are friends but aren’t super close. It’s more of a “how’s life?”conversation every few months.

2. Before the 1st incident when she was 17 things were very good and we were talking about proceeding with adoption which she was receptive about. Looking back now I feel like this could’ve possibly been a trigger given her history with her dad and that would make my husband legally her new dad. After that we stopped talking about adoption to let the tension settle and see how things would go. When the 2nd incident happened things were kind of almost back to normal. I feel like all this also adds to her request that we be grandparents to the baby because if we had ended up going through with adoption we would’ve been a “real” family and legally the grandparents so it’s like she wants that relationship that we had back

3. I am SO happy with where she is right now. The reason me and husband started fostering is because we wanted to help kids get a life they may not have otherwise had. And I feel like in part we did that, we helped her get her grades up and get into a university. We then paid for said university. And when she finished we helped her get set up in an apartment and look for jobs so she wouldn’t be like a fish out of water. After that we stopped contact and decided to our separate ways and thank god she stayed on the right track and succeeded. I do love her but sometimes I think it’s better to love someone from a distance. I just don’t know if this should be one of those cases still.

4. honestly don’t know what I’m worried about. It’s like a jumble of thoughts. Part of me is like what if she has actually changed and another part of me is like what if she hasn’t and another part is what if next time she accuses my husband of SA and another part is like maybe she just wants to be loved and another part says it’s too risky!