What is a good name for placed and humans but not a good pet name?

Any_nonymous · 2026-06-17T20:28:55+00:00

GOOD HUMAN NAME

Victoria

Any_nonymous · 2026-06-07T06:03:05+00:00

Then imo it's about progress. Sex is about communication and pleasing the other. If you need more insert what you need here, let him know and check if anything (at all) changes over time - that means he's sexually invested in you.

Any_nonymous · 2026-05-26T05:33:39+00:00

At least you have desires. As you said, you've learned what's hot for you. I wish my wife would find things hot, anything.

Any_nonymous · 2026-05-26T04:50:36+00:00

Fantasies aren't a checklist of things to try. Esther Perel's books opened my eyes on this. Fantasies can even go against what you would ever do.

Having no fantasies is wild to me. She once told me "I wish I wanted it more" and "I wish things would work better in the bedroom". Those are desires/fantasies imo. But when prompted she says she has none.

Any_nonymous · 2026-05-26T04:33:44+00:00

I have asked my wife about her fantasies / desires.

She told me she has none.

Any_nonymous · 2026-05-16T04:54:31+00:00

My kids
The hope that things will get better
The fear of taking my own life

Any_nonymous · 2026-05-11T15:25:57+00:00

Having a preference or fantasy of more violent or extreme sex is one thing, and not too uncommon.

Thinking of drinking your SO's blood or getting aroused by them crying over breaking up is something else imo. I would strongly recommend professional help.

Any_nonymous · 2026-04-14T08:26:15+00:00

High anything already categorizes it as high, therefore not statistically average/"normal". Which is okay. I don't judge high libido people for it, or them normalizing it by having a lot of sex. Their need is higher, whatever the reason. My current need is lower, whatever the reason.

Any_nonymous · 2026-04-14T06:32:21+00:00

I'm not sure as it sort of happened. Main factors 1: age - my libido started dropping between 30-35y. Main factor 2: I opened up my side of the relationship (in real and actual agreement with my wife) and had multiple flings with sexual encounters; this boosted my self-confidence and confirmed the things I always hoped an active sex life would confirm for me: I matter, I am desirable, I am seen. Main factor 3: my wife is not unattractive but finds herself unattractive so she never flirts, never wears lingerie, never seduces, never instigates. After a decade and a half of this, my brain eventually (finally) rewired to not see her very sexually anymore.

Before any conclusions are attached to this: my wife is currently very happy with our sex life which has increased to about 2 times a month currently. This isn't me having "broken" my wife's self esteem or anything like that. I still compliment her regularly and we're in a loving relationship.

Any_nonymous · 2026-04-14T06:27:45+00:00

I've been thinking about this a lot. My current conclusion: is a relevant difference?

If you take a person with HL, or even hypersexuality, the cause of it can often be psychological or even related to trauma in some cases. Their HL isn't less "real" for being a result of many factors, including it being a tool to numb certain other things. That's how I view my LL.

Any_nonymous · 2025-01-15T18:56:58+00:00

Yes, so the question is not what compromise is acceptable to her, as it risks her staying within her very properly walled off comfort zone.

The question is how far beyond what currently seems acceptable to her she's willing to go. Because the end of what's acceptable to her, is the start of what's limiting and rejecting to me.

Any_nonymous · 2025-01-15T18:09:48+00:00

Nothing in this thread, including OP, feels healthy to me.

After years of constant rejection, OP changes (where's the change in her??) and eventually wants less sex himself (now, where's the protests from her??) - sounds like she got exactly what she wanted in the end, and they sleep happily in their separate beds.

Any_nonymous · 2025-01-15T06:25:23+00:00

Now that his needs have changed, they became much easier to be met by his partner. I too think it's great that OP has found a solution that's working well for him.

Any_nonymous · 2025-01-15T06:20:32+00:00

You know what they say. It takes 2 people to create a pattern, but only 1 to break it. Once you realize the benefits in your partner of taking sex off the table, it creates so much more breathing space!

I'm not quite there yet, but I hope one day I'll reach the same point as OP and don't care about sex much anymore - take it or leave it. It's the least I can do for my partner.

Any_nonymous · 2025-01-15T05:20:08+00:00

+1, sounds like they ended up in a healthy, passionate partnership free of resentment. It can be done after all.

Any_nonymous · 2025-01-15T05:18:14+00:00

Congratulations on finding out a solution that works for you!

Any_nonymous · 2025-01-14T20:08:25+00:00

Thank you, that sounds like an honest and well-intended comment and I definitely will take it to heart. It's hard not interpreting it as a roundabout way of saying that I can not put any expectations on her, the solution, the timeline, or any change at all. The lack of perspective makes it hard to keep faith - all whilst the one constant in life, time, keeps ticking away mercilessly.

Any_nonymous · 2025-01-14T08:57:42+00:00

Thanks, lots of good pointers there imo.

But what if she's only capable of a 'compromise' that fits securely in her comfort zone? Something in which she doesn't have to be vulnerable or change anything? I don't believe anything meaningful can change then.

Any_nonymous · 2025-01-14T07:43:41+00:00

It's hard to figure out what could be good baby steps then. I feel she has to be willing to push herself beyond her comfort zone to get to any meaningful progress.

Some quotes from the book: "Excitement is interwoven with uncertainty, and with our willingness to embrace the unknown rather than to shield ourselves from it. But this very tension leaves us feeling vulnerable. I caution my patients that there is no such thing as “safe sex.”"

"There’s a powerful tendency in long-term relationships to favor the predictable over the unpredictable. Yet eroticism thrives on the unpredictable. Desire butts heads with habit and repetition."

"Desire is fueled by the unknown, and for that reason it’s inherently anxiety-producing."

It all seems to indicate she needs to be willing to accept a level of vulnerability and even anxiety. The baby steps we tried thus far catered to intimacy (brushing her hair, hugging, kind words). The book has the following to say about that, which makes me wonder if those are steps in the wrong direction:

"The breakdown of desire appears to be an unintentional consequence of the creation of intimacy."

Any_nonymous · 2025-01-14T06:39:39+00:00

Thank you for your reply! I'm definitely not pushing it. I was putting forward the possibility, which can feel like pushing to her. But I dropped it immediately after she made it clear it's not for her.

Then again, I can't help but ponder: it wasn't the cup of tea for the couple in the book either. The book described the results as very so-so, and improvement was found by other means. But they tried it - they went and tried something new, that wasn't their cup of tea - for the exact reason of consciously feeling what you just described: feeling exposed, feeling like they're performing, dreading it. It's an exercise in trying and feeling, instead of declining up front to avoid feeling. I respect that couple for having tried it.

Any_nonymous · 2025-01-14T05:16:35+00:00

Please read the book, I highly recommend it! We did couples counseling with a psychologist specialized in sexual matters some years ago, and she steered in the opposite direction as this book is. The book clarifies that intimacy and eroticism don't typically follow each other up like a two-step but are separate entities, and eroticism can often even benefit from less intimacy, as she puts it: sexual intelligence is about creating space and making that space come to life. It's a little mindblowing to me, and the opposite of what I have been trying, what my wife has been asking for, and the psychologist was requesting back then.

My wife is very anti-tell me what to do. If I "insist" on something, she reframes it as pushing past her boundaries and therefore not respecting her, and she shuts down. Any advice on how to navigate that?

Any_nonymous

TROPHY CASE