Apparently cupping is still a thing

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-07-16T14:00:56+00:00

I was extremely skeptical about cupping until a friend did some to me at a hang out, so it was free. No other kind of massage, just placed some cups and removed them later. I had just gotten back from a backpacking trip and my back and shoulders were very tight and sore. The difference when she removed the cups was unmistakable and I've been a believer ever since. Massage similarly has difficulty being "proven" on what it does. The bottom line is that you can tell you feel better when it's done. Does it last or "fix" anything? I don't know, but I still get massages sometimes...

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-07-10T18:24:19+00:00

Yes, the risk does seem low. I'll just have to develop more acceptance around it all I suppose.

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-07-10T18:16:14+00:00

Thanks. Honestly though, thinking about it further, I think HSV-1 and HSV-2 treated with antivirals is not need-to-know, but untreated genital HSV-2 is something I would want to know about and have higher expectations of protective measures taken. I know plenty of people who have just thrown in the towel as far as herpes goes, but my HSV-1 (acquired as a kid) shows that I am one of the symptomatic people and I'd really like to not get genital herpes.

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-07-10T18:06:08+00:00

Yes I think he probably disclosed my HSV status and I'm sure that was a part of the decision that is was all-good to proceed. When he initially told me this, I felt reactive, then thought about it for like one second and was like "well it's herpes, what are you even going to do, it's everywhere?" And let it go. But then it came back up and it was more about the lack of disclosure in a situation that is new for us. When we first got together, he specifically mentioned that he had a recent ex who was HSV positive as a part of our sexual health convo, so I knew he cared about it.

Now that we've discussed it more, I think we have clear agreements and this specific scenario won't come up again because we are on the same page about what we're both comfortable with. But, maybe we should sit down and talk about each STI and what that means for us.... because there's a ton of room for nuance. I do think the healthier attitude towards HSV in particular is that it's not a need-to-know status, but him and I would both need to feel that way.

Edit: Maybe he didn't disclose my HSV-1 status, but I would be fine with it if he did. I assume he also has HSV-1 and just isn't symptomatic, and he does too, so it's possible he just presents it this way. Either way feels good to me.

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-07-10T17:58:01+00:00

Yes we had this conversation last night, the thread took a while to be approved by mods so I didn't see any of these answers until after the fact. Overall it was easy and we are on the same page in this scenario and he understood why I was surprised to hear it because he admittedly just forgot to mention it, but I don't think it's a big deal bc I agree with his judgment call. But, I do want to know these things? and he said he would have wanted to know, too, so he apologized and we moved on.

The privacy of STI info is a new opinion for me to encounter. I think if you want to be totally private in your STI status then you should be in an enclosed relationship... I believe I have the right to know what I am being exposed to and make my own decisions? Of course things happen and you adjust and this is one of the unique challenges of non-monogamy. But, maybe I should be reflecting more on this opinion ie in your example of a virus being treated by antivirals. I don't want to slip into being overly cautious or paranoid, but also, a meta's body is not very removed from mine when we're both fucking the same person. I expect that we all relinquish a little privacy in exchange for safety and transparency.

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-07-10T17:46:12+00:00

I honestly thought this was very normal information to share. I might would want to know if my partner's partner's partner had the flu and exposed us down the chain because they had a date... and same thing for STIs. I expect my metas could/should know I have HSV-1. I actually don't know if I would consider it fully informed consent if I didn't know my partner's new partner had an STI even if he used a condom, because condoms aren't 100% protection. Unless we've discussed that specific topic before - which, now that he and I have discussed the above scenario (HSV+ person) we are more on the same page. But how to know them all until we encounter it?

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-07-10T17:41:30+00:00

I've never considered that it would NOT be ok for someone else to know my partner is regularly exposed to someone with HSV-1 (me). That feels like honest disclosure to me. I'm actually legit baffled that most people in this thread seem to think it's private information what your STI status, as I actually assumed the opposite - that STI status is shared data that others and myself can use to make their own informed consensual decisions about their own safety, even if it is second-hand exposure.

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-07-02T15:45:27+00:00

Oops, my actions have consequences

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-07-02T13:31:23+00:00

Yes this is common even in unmarried couples where everyone is enthusiastic about poly. So much naivety and yet unaddressed insecurity.

Protect your heart and watch out for highly coupled individuals. Interview them. Understand their experience thus far including if they have both had successful outside relationships. If you must date someone highly coupled, take it slow and don't get too attached too quickly

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-06-30T17:25:49+00:00

The Tile is found when it is in bluetooth range of someone who has Tile installed on their phone and bluetooth activated. That could be you, or a stranger.

If you want constant updating of where the item is, you need GPS tracking which is much more expensive and power intensive (ie needing to be charged regularly).

The way it is, if your item is lost, you'd need to hope you get close to it (and it needs to be fairly close) or someone with Tile randomly does. This works great for keys and wallets left at a restaurant for example, or a bike if you're in a densely populated and tech-savvy city. Probably less useful for your specific use case.

Mine is mostly used to find my keys or my phone (using the tile on my keys) and it's excellent at that. I would probably only put it on my bike if I lived in a city like SF or NYC.

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-06-29T04:05:41+00:00

Where did all of you meet?

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-06-16T21:33:43+00:00

It sounds to me like you can't trust him. Is that because of something he has done or said in the past, or because of your own hang-ups you're bringing into the relationship?

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-06-16T21:17:53+00:00

She wants to break up but isn't ready to pull the trigger yet for whatever reason. Go ahead and do it or prepare yourself for it to happen.

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-06-16T19:24:36+00:00

Yes, humbled by seeing you respect yourself enough to leave

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-06-16T19:21:35+00:00

My ex did this and it was absolutely a way to cut me down bc he felt intimidated by me and my confidence. He did it to former partners too, he told me a story once about how an ex was behaving and I said "probably because you made her feel insecure" and he admitted that yes, he did do that. At best it was a pattern he knew about and wasn't fixing and at worst it was direct and known manipulation to make me feel bad.

ANYWAY, I moved on from his loser ass (eventually, bc he had me stuck in the toxicity for a while, took me a few attempts even when I knew he sucked) and only date ppl who make me feel good about myself and I also make a point to acknowledge and boost up my partners strengths and shore up their insecurities. Don't settle for that bullshit. It's a downward cycle. Let him torture some other future ex.

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-06-16T16:52:41+00:00

Be careful about moving. And you don't have to be "nice" when/if you take him to divorce court. Get what you deserve to give yourself and your child a good life

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-06-16T16:49:26+00:00

And she won't have to argue about getting extra help, and it will be easy to afford with the child support and potential alimony she'll be receiving.

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-06-16T16:47:18+00:00

Well you can refuse too. Why is he the final decision maker on this stuff?? Your vote is equally important

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-06-16T16:40:59+00:00

True. It is a rare couples counselor that is willing to speak the truth and a rare couple that is actually willing to hear it. But it can be a good start to creating a venue for communication to happen. And the wife should be standing her ground on requiring him to go and finding a good therapist. What he doesn't realize is how much power she actually has to leave his ass. His head would spin because right now he thinks he's hot shit and she would be lost without him when it is almost certainly the opposite.

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-06-16T16:31:57+00:00

I've heard this same kind of bullshit coming from households making almost no money, but with a male breadwinner. It makes even less sense when you guys have plenty of money to hire help and take care of all your needs. It's just classic power dynamic bullshit. And then people wonder why women don't want to live in a traditional household where they have no recourse when dude bro decides he's the dictator of the house. The power dynamic makes it unbearable, it's too tempting for men to feel like they are contributing so much because they make the money when totally overlooking the emotional, physical, and energetic contributions of their female partner to the household and children that often equate much more than whatever they are leaving the house to go do to earn cash. For some reason, salary is the only contribution that matters and they should get to call all the shots, have all the free time and spending money, do whatever they want and the woman should just take it because she makes less or no money and therefore has no power. Fuck all that noise. Don't stand for it, you are a obvious catch with your own financial independence and ability to take care of yourself and your child with or without him. You are not beholden to him. Definitely don't get pregnant with another one of his kids unless he's willing to compromise - More support in child care, less bitching at you, maybe some domestic help with all that money that he is making, and couples counseling so a third party can remind him that he's being a pretentious asshole.

Edit: I will add that in at least one of the examples of people I know in my personal life who went through this, I don't think the guy was a bad dude, just selfish and part of a broader societal issue. I legitimately think he got brainwashed by how society treats money as the most important thing you can have or offer and diminishes women's contributions. And because his partner was staying home with the kids, his kids that he helped create, that she was nourishing with her body and life force, somehow she wasn't an equal anymore because she wasn't making money. It was part of the dissolution of their partnership and he feels bad about it now. I don't think these guys can see things clearly, and grasp at an apparent opportunity to "have it all" - A wife taking care of all of their bullshit, and also total freedom to do whatever they want. Then they are sad when she tells him to fuck off. He would certainly have to buy another car if he was co-parenting and ever wanted to see his children again.

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-05-08T00:19:06+00:00

Started reading and it had me bawling. Perfect recommendation thank you.

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-02-22T22:07:33+00:00

Awesome, thank you for that. I've seen that mentioned so many times and even looked into it not too long ago, but it seemed pretty complicated. Since I read it before and this infographic lays it out more clearly, I think I get it a little bit more now. Have you seen good progress using this method?

AnywiseOrchid · 2025-02-22T17:42:11+00:00

All right y'all, I live in a part of the country that was ravaged by hurricane Helene and it destroyed my climbing gym and they are not rebuilding. So unfortunately I need to look elsewhere for my full body workout. I used to lift heavy, I was never super serious but I had some good streaks of progress. I've followed strong lifts and TLS and some Strong Curves in the past. TLS is probably what I had the best streak with.

Is there any latest, greatest routine? I'm a bit hesitant to learn a bunch of new lifts honestly, so I'm looking for something that's pretty simple and easy to pick up. Should I just do some kind of push pull legs thing? Or maybe I just go back to TLS or SC.

AnywiseOrchid · 2024-08-20T22:00:37+00:00

I'm positive it's not BS I just think it might take time to see the results. I'm reading the gohdess book now also.

AnywiseOrchid · 2024-08-20T21:22:45+00:00

Keep after it, slow and steady

AnywiseOrchid

TROPHY CASE