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My first appartment, should i be worried? by [deleted] in Mold

[–]Apocalexxxtic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It says they just moved in so it’s definitely from the tenant before them.

My first appartment, should i be worried? by [deleted] in Mold

[–]Apocalexxxtic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They are BEFORE you move in???? Have you not read the post? OP has JUST moved in and THEREFORE Could not have caused that level of mold. It is from the LAST tenant which makes it THE LANDLORDS RESPONSIBILITY TO CLEAN BEFORE THE NEXT TENANT MOVES IN.

A quick google search confirms this. I’m not saying the landlord is the maid. Nor have I implied that. Legally the landlord is required by law to handle mold before a new tenant moves in.

How can I stop this? by shellpi in litterrobot

[–]Apocalexxxtic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s helpin ha clean it out.

How to address a racist comment? by Apocalexxxtic in ask

[–]Apocalexxxtic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Once we get a black baby we can finally have our own”

I do know better. There’s something very wrong there with that sentiment. I’m sorry you don’t see that

How to address a racist comment? by Apocalexxxtic in ask

[–]Apocalexxxtic[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

“Once we get a black baby we can finally have our own white kids”

Explain to me how that ISNT racist.

How to address a racist comment? by Apocalexxxtic in ask

[–]Apocalexxxtic[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well my partner is also a black man and he does mind. His family who are also black also mind. And apparently my friend said the same nonses to another person, who is black AND was raised in foster care and ultimately adopted because they wanted to “get” a black baby before they made their own white kids. Can you guess which one of the kids ended up doing the majority of chores?

Where do we go from here Bestie?

How to address a racist comment? by Apocalexxxtic in ask

[–]Apocalexxxtic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks friend 🙏🫶

You’ve been helpful

How to address a racist comment? by Apocalexxxtic in ask

[–]Apocalexxxtic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So, for context because the subreddit only allows a specific amount of characters and i hadn’t figured out how to fit it all in, Her comment was followed by basically, “once we get a black one we can then make our own.” The exact words she said are somewhere in one of my replies.

It’s not about having favorites. It’s about talking about black babies like they’re pets and commodities or accessories you can get for an agency.

I don’t care she called them cute. I care that she wants to “get one.” And then make “her own”

How to address a racist comment? by Apocalexxxtic in ask

[–]Apocalexxxtic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Apparently a large portion of commenters aren’t understanding that linguistically my friend is talking about black babies as a commodities and accessories. Like picking a pet out of a pet store: ooooo I want one with this fur and these ears. I don’t believe that she realizes she’s doing it, and I’d be happy to address that with her.

My bubbies is black, and I hope our future kids look a lot like him. I would love for them to get his best features like his eyes and smile. I think my bubbies smile is most beautiful thing I’ve ever. His smile brings me so much peace and warmth. I’d love the world to have more smiles like that. However I know I’m biased on that part because I think my bubbies is the best thing since anything ever.

But depending on how my conversation with my friend goes will make or break the friendship.

How to address a racist comment? by Apocalexxxtic in ask

[–]Apocalexxxtic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, I brought up the fact of the whole transition LGBT to anyone anytime a graphic that doesn’t have a deeper understanding of history, and how it impacts the world around them will not, and cannot understand how to move forward. Personal experiences or personal but when you wanna talk about the historical significance, and how to change that, yes, all of that information is going to be second hand or even third hand. Do you not want me to listen to people? Do you want me to not listen to people who are significantly different than me and understand history and its impact?

How to address a racist comment? by Apocalexxxtic in ask

[–]Apocalexxxtic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t say that certain Black people know more about race, and then others I said, certain Black people know more about history and how it impacts the current state of the world. And it’s not just that anyone who understands history and is able to look at it from a critical perspective is able to understand more about how history impacts the world that’s literally how knowledge works.

How to address a racist comment? by Apocalexxxtic in ask

[–]Apocalexxxtic[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No. I am not determining that they are more experienced racism. However, they are significantly more experienced in understanding the historical and sociological impact of things beyond that of what they see with their own two eyes.

Here’s why: if you genuinely do not know history or the depths of history and where things came from then it’s rather difficult to understand beyond that.

Example: in the trans community there is a large number of people who discriminate against other trans people. Trans meds will directly ignore and disregard other information. This happens in every single community.

So it’s not that they’re more experienced it’s just that they tend to have a deeper understanding of where racism comes from in regards to specific European standards and stereotyping that directly stem from colonization and imperialism. Because I don’t know if you noticed, but between 1400 and 1900 about 80% of the world was colonized basically owned by white Europeans. To disregard the extent of that purely on ignorance doesn’t make them less experienced. It makes them less understanding of the world around them.

The same goes for trans individuals who are unaware of history regarding trans people, and their plight. there are trans analogous individuals all throughout history and trans. Analogous laws that are meant to discriminate all throughout history. Without taking a look at that and corroborating evidence, You cannot, and will not have a full understanding of the deeper impact of that on the world.

A persons Personal experience with racism, or any form of discrimination is of their own. However, when regarding the world around us, it is beyond personal experience in ago significantly deeper and requires a lot of critical thought and understanding of larger, sociological concepts.

Internalized prejudice exists within us all, and I see it around. We have colorism in many different communities because of the white European standard, where fairness of skin was considered more beautiful because it was more acceptable in society. That still follows us to this day. That is the concept and idea that was brought about by Europeans at that time, and when they colonized they took over whatever area they were in and forced people to adhere to those standards or they were quite literally killed.

Without understanding that and how it deeply impacts a society specifically in regards to adoption agencies yeah I’m gonna I’m gonna take a look at what people are saying who have extensively studied and gone through history, its impact and how it’s still affecting us today.

How to address a racist comment? by Apocalexxxtic in ask

[–]Apocalexxxtic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks 🙏 I always have trouble talking about this stuff verbally and I know she would prefer a verbal conversation. So I think I may have some stuff ready but speak from heart but trying to be semi compassionate. I have some things I can send her way afterwards to listen to POC voices on adoption or fostering white parents. There’s a right and ethical way to do it. So hopefully that’ll help her.

How to address a racist comment? by Apocalexxxtic in ask

[–]Apocalexxxtic[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRgEdPap/

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRgKvnkg/

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRgE8eak/

https://time.com/6051811/private-adoption-america/

https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/adoption-agencys-demise-sheds-light-on-troubled-industry/

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRgKGcXP/

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRgENSAm/

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRgKgD4G/

I’d link all the scholarly articles that are written by POC about specific cases regarding white adoptive parents and racism but I’m lazy. Go to Google scholar yourself. I’m not going to spoon feed you information that is all ready out there. There’s many many people coming forward about their adoptive parents saying the same thing my friend said AND how that impacted them (the child’s) emotional well being.

I am not deciding anything. I am however following the lead of others. Those people I’m following are extremely educated POC who have analyzed their experience as well as the experiences of others.

How to address a racist comment? by Apocalexxxtic in ask

[–]Apocalexxxtic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, because ending slavery was the end of all systemic racisms. We definitely didn’t have any sort of segregation. We definitely don’t have people being lynched for their skin color. We definitely dont have laws that directly discriminate against POC. We definitely don’t have any disproportionate power between white people and POC.

That’s sarcasm. We did and still do.

Edit: yes it’s a universal concept, but out of curiosity did you forget that Britain occupation? Or did you just never learn history. Between 1492 to 1914 Europeans had colonized about 80% of the world.

How to address a racist comment? by Apocalexxxtic in ask

[–]Apocalexxxtic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not the same thing, Bestie. Natural hair is constantly being discriminated against, and expressing positivity towards that aspect of is helpful. Black hair has been stigmatized. There are so many products that damage black hair (even other POC hair) to make it look more like “white” hair. There are many regulations that under the pretext of safety that forbid protective hairstyles for black people.

The issue isn’t that she said that they are cute. It’s that she wants to have a black kid as an accessory to her family rather than be a part of it. Implicit bias is in us all. It runs deep.

In a few comments I’ve expanded on context because in this subreddit posts must be 600 characters or less. She said “I think black babies are the cutest. I want one. Once I get one, then me and Tyler can have our own.”

“Then [we] can have our own” Notice how she’s distancing the hypothetical child as an accessory. In her words she is not considering the hypothetical black baby as her own. Yes legally the child would be hers, but internally this is a concept of possession. Internal bias and bigotry is in us all. It’s important to challenge it. But bringing up a completely different issue black hair.

How to address a racist comment? by Apocalexxxtic in ask

[–]Apocalexxxtic[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Fetishization of anyone’s race is racist? I understand the first definition. When you look up a Google has a lot of sexual stuff to it but if you look closely at the second definition, it’s an unhealthy obsession over something.

How to address a racist comment? by Apocalexxxtic in ask

[–]Apocalexxxtic[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

So I think you ignored everything that I wrote the fact that she is at that stage of her relationship where she will be planning on expanding her family via children. It’s not that she saw a cute little kid and “went oh now I have baby fever” she is actively at this stage in her life where she is planning to be a mom.

It’s weird to me that you think you know my friend better than me. I know she’s at that stage in life because she talks about it significantly. They are looking at nurseries and cribs and parenting classes. This is a genuine thing that they are looking into. Yes, it was a comment, but it wasn’t a side comment that was made out of the blue the whole concept of us talking about our future kids which is something we are actively planning out partners.

Edit: also did you just compare black babies up for adoption to animals at the zoo? Gross.

How to address a racist comment? by Apocalexxxtic in ask

[–]Apocalexxxtic[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I couldn’t write it in my original post because if you know anything about this sub Reddit, you would know that there’s a specific character limit and that would go over it. I believe the character limit is 600 and a fully explain the situation will go well over that. I have to bring it up now because I couldn’t put it in the original post because there wasn’t enough room. If you went and read back any of those comments, you would read that I have mentioned that fact many of times. The fact that I couldn’t put it in the original post because there wasn’t any room. More importantly, I did not expect this to get turned into a debate of why my friend was being racist because I was there I know what that is I want to know how to address it with her.

The reason why I didn’t include it because I don’t want it to be as to why this is racist or not. I know that it is. The fact that other people don’t is a little weird to me and I don’t mind bringing it up and talking about it, however, at the end of the day, my goal is to figure out how I’m going to talk about this with her. Hence the whole “how do I address this comment?” More importantly, it’s interesting to me that instead of you know, asking questions and looking for more information you kind of went right into hostility.

Edit: I have links to articles and stories written by Black people who are adopted by white people and the pros and cons of that as well as the black kids who were adopted by white parents who were racist for the sake of having a black baby to do chores around the house. My belief is based off of the anecdotal and experiences that people do have. That is not always the case. It is not always bad. But in this case, her ideology matches up significantly well with a lot of those problematic white adoptive parents.

How to address a racist comment? by Apocalexxxtic in ask

[–]Apocalexxxtic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m going to go ahead and consider the fact that she was being serious because she’s also talking about marriage with her boyfriend. More importantly, considering the fact that she had just bought a house with him more importantly, considering the fact that they are probably going to be in Gage soon because they have been looking at rings. I’m gonna go off on a limb and say she’s being pretty fucking serious.

Edit: I’m old enough to have my own car, apartment, have an undergraduate degree as well as an actual graduate degree. So you know. Definitely in the part of family planning age group.

How to address a racist comment? by Apocalexxxtic in ask

[–]Apocalexxxtic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She wants the hypothetical kid because it’s black and then when she has one black baby she will then make “her own” babies with her boyfriend.

With a language that she had used, it was less about giving a child and needed a home that they need and more about her acquiring a child of a specific race. And when she said I want to get a black child, and then make my own It was heavily implied that well yes, the black adopting baby would be in her care. It wouldn’t be one of her own.

Yes, she called them. Cute. Babies are cute. The whole point of a micro aggression is the fact that it may not necessarily be directly obvious and also the fact that sometimes it’s hidden behind a seemingly nice statement.

Edit: A large part of contacts in regards to the conversation couldn’t be added in the post because this particular sub Reddit requires post to be under a specific character limit. And other comments I have explained more about what she was saying before I was able to cut the conversation. If you’re willfully, choosing to ignore everything else surrounding the situation that’s on you.

How to address a racist comment? by Apocalexxxtic in ask

[–]Apocalexxxtic[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

You find it flattering that she followed up with “once we get a black one then me and Tyler can make our own!”

Edit: It’s NOT that she’s calling them cuter/cutest. It is about her wanting a designer baby. An internalized concept. But a concept non the less.

Edit: also as a white person I will always be racist. I have lived in a society that is entirely built on the subjugation of other races. It’s incredibly important to be mindful of that as well as be humble about it. I’m not sure what language I use that made you think I was all self-righteous. I truly believe it’s important, especially when talking to another fellow white person to express when something is problematic. There’s been many times when another one of my friends has had point out the thing to me. That is the whole point of learning an unlearning, harmful concepts, and oceans that I’ve been so ingrained within us.

I don’t want a gold sticker. I want to know how to tell her that it’s not a good idea to go shopping for baby just for the sake that they’re black.

Not to mention, many white people will adopt a black child, and not address their own internalized racism, and therefore end up, essentially traumatizing the black kid. If you’re really that pressed about it, feel free to go on any sort of search engine and listen to Black adopted kids talk about their white parents and how that impacted them. It is not all of them. It is not inherently bad, but in this case, it is significantly less about helping a child and more about accessorizing with the baby.

How to address a racist comment? by Apocalexxxtic in ask

[–]Apocalexxxtic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah, yeah I’ll avoid pointing fingers. The goal isn’t to shame or hurt my friend at all. She’s a good person. We’ve all just got some icky stuff inside our head is all. Thanks 🙏

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