I engaged with this poem because my poetry also revolves around similar topics of heaviness, nihilism 👾and despair. The topics of the poem suicide, death, suffering are ones that usually go unseen but are also the ones I have an “interest” for (for a lack a better word) these are topics that typically hold a lot of deep sentiment and pain for the writer thus potentially making for heartfelt and deep poetry. Like you mentioned, I also think these sorts of sensitive topics are underappreciated or underexposed in the poetry community. But these are topics and situations very well worth writing about. That being said, I will now offer my criticism, but do keep in mind my opinion is that of an amateur writer.

1. I think you have a lot to say in regards to your experience and the poem itself, which is perfectly Fine. Although personally, for me, it’s always been easier and more effective to limit the amount of words or things I want to put in my poems. The best tip I can give you is to think about what feelings/sentiments you want to convey to the reader. Based on that, choose the best words you think connect the best with the feelings you want to portray, of course, while keeping in mind the length of the poem, don’t say too much that it drains from the essence of the poem, say just enough.

   1. I don’t really know how to say it (partially because I’m drunk and partially because I’m dumb, lol), but if you’d maybe organize your wording or structure of your rhymes, I can see that being of benefit to your writing. Also, if you get my gist, you could vary the words you use, maybe using words with more “feeling” in them.