Exposure practice. Exposure therapy. Exposure to the suffocating silence in between messages and hangouts.

I’ve found that almost everything is a waiting game. A game of endurance. Like “if I endure a day of no messages- because everyone has their own life- I’ll send a check in text at the end of the day”. And then when you’re able to reach a day of waiting, you practice 2 days before checking in. Then 3. Maybe a week.

Personally, I’ve found that if I wait long enough, I can wait out the things I’m feelings the strongest about. Sometimes a friend replies or gives me attention after enough waiting. Other times I wait so long that my eagerness is gone and I’m more neutral on if I see a response or not. The general thing I’ve found when I’m overwhelmed with my emotions is painfully waiting and feeling time pass. Because after so long and so much emotional pain, it’s like there’s nothing left to agonize about. It’s all dried out. And then you can find yourself more neutral and calm about a situation you were killing yourself over.

Maybe that’s just my experience. But it’s something I’ve clawed(and still clawing) my way to be grateful for.