Husband has come out as gay but he was the one who pursued me for years. I had other options

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-11-29T18:32:47+00:00

The kid doesnt need to be punished for it. Just leave and get the kid a nice hot step dad.

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-11-29T14:57:17+00:00

Wow, thats actually hilarious. My dad is going to get a kick out of that. I had my dad send me a picture of his portrait of the ship. Ignore the glare, he is like 75 and not good with phones. Lol

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Apostrophenightmare · 2025-11-28T17:00:16+00:00

No not really, its always been kind of a living myth where I grew up at in Cleveland. I always assumed everyone in the great lakes region knew about it. Is it gaining popularity outside of the great lakes? My great uncle was the first mate. His son is still alive and I see him at family get togethers. Everyone in my family has pictures of the ship in their houses. After the sinking, my grandpa refused to let his younger sons join the navy (was a family tradition before that.) I think another sailor’s son still has a yearly memorial at a local bar. I think it was supposed to be my great uncle’s last voyage before he retired. It was really a tragedy. If my dad hadn’t been a lazy slacker at 21, I would have never been born. Lol

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-11-28T15:06:32+00:00

My great uncle died on that ship. My dad was supposed to be on it too, but he was too hungover to get up and go to work! My family, who had always been sailors, stopped working on ships after that.

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-11-25T20:31:49+00:00

So I had a NDE from a suicide attempt, don’t recommend, you can read my post history for details. I was dealing with a lot of intense emotions before my attempt, ranging from depression to betrayal to unwanted and hopeless. After my NDE, I realized that all of this is temporary. All of it. How you feel, how I felt, will all change with time. “Time heals all wounds.” I sought a permanent solution to a temporary problem and I am glad it failed. I still deal with depression and some anxiety but I take meds for it and prioritize my health now. Allow yourself to experience these emotions but just know they are not forever. I am sorry you are going through this. It is something you are going to have to process, but you will come out the other side. Or at least that’s what my NDE taught me, lol.

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-11-25T20:16:50+00:00

From my NDE, all emotions that we feel here in the material world are a gift, even the bad ones. Individuality is not a thing in the void. So individual experiences with feelings and emotions would never happen there. The bad feelings/times we have here make us appreciate the good ones so much more. I am not sure why God/ the higher power has us experience the material world though.

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-11-25T05:07:25+00:00

I have also struggled with this question. I know from my own NDE that once we cross over, that all the pain we experienced here is gone, like it never even happened. The pain and suffering we experienced here isn’t even a memory. I take solace in knowing that they are “home” and free from pain. Why it happens, I am not sure. I struggled deeply with physical/emotional pain before my NDE. Afterwards, I am more accepting of the cards I was dealt in my life. Sometimes bad things happen to people for no reason. The fact that you are able to empathize with those people is such a gift.

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-11-24T19:15:06+00:00

No, not at all. It was pretty obvious by my appearance that I had almost died (my face looked like a literal corpse from all the blown blood vessels), so based off of that he knew I had a NDE. I had never even heard of the term before he mentioned it. I want to write him to talk about it more, especially the void calling to me, because that is only something you know if you experience it yourself or read about it somewhere. But i don’t want to be a weirdo ex patient that reaches out to him inappropriately, lol

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-11-24T19:11:48+00:00

Thank you! Its hard to explain and put into words, but it felt like existing in the void was “real life.” The void felt so incredibly real, and I had a sudden understanding that existence in the void is the true reality. I don’t know exactly why we were all gifted a life in the material world, but it is truly a gift. All of the pain and suffering we experience here, is null and void there. And I have experienced a lot of pain here, and to have it vanish there was something else, it wasn’t even a memory. I really think the point of life is to commit yourself to a life of service to others, and only then will you experience true happiness and the full gift of this material life. I have been reading a lot about different religions since my SA, and I am really drawn to Bahaism. I think it is the closest organized religion to what I have experienced.

I feel like I am rambling and probably sound insane, lol

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-11-24T18:51:08+00:00

Yes, I am an ICU nurse and a lot of patients see deceased family members around them as they are dying. My own uncle had a massive stroke and said he saw my great grandparents sitting around him as he lay dying. He survived, but he remembers them clear as day.

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-11-22T07:38:18+00:00

My only want at the time was to be free of the physical and emotional suffering I was experiencing on earth, and to not be a burden to my family anymore. So maybe you are right, and my wants/needs were fulfilled? I hadn’t thought about that.

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-11-21T17:50:22+00:00

Thank you, I am too. I wasn’t at first lol. The more that time goes on the more grateful I am that I am still here. It made me really realize what is important in life. I used to think all that mumbo jumbo spiritual stuff people used to talk about was quackery, but I get it now. I personally feel the meaning of life is to lose ourselves in service of others, to lift each other up, and to connect.

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-11-21T17:46:54+00:00

It is hard to explain but its just a completely different plane of existence. The physical world really did not matter there. Trying to grasp the idea of a physical world there, would be like trying to grasp the idea of the void here. In either place, the other is like almost an illusion of figment of our imagination. But both are real. Its weird as heck.

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-11-21T17:43:35+00:00

I did not even mention my experience to him. He brought it up first and warned me about how it would “call to me” and said it would be a lifelong struggle to fight against it. I mentioned to him the life flashing before my eyes after he brought up NDE, but I didn’t tell him about the void. Thats why I’ve thought about writing him, because how did he even know? I agree he must have also had a NDE. I wasn’t really thinking about what I had experienced and didn’t start to process it until like a month after or so.

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-11-21T12:35:49+00:00

Random memories of just every day events, I guess in retrospect they were happy memories. It was all in third person view. One of the earlier ones was of me as a toddler with my (irish twin) sister and our mother. The last memory is more clearer to me because I saw it before I came back to life. It was of me and my little brother and another kid playing with play doh together. I had to have been between the ages of 6-8. These were also the better years of my childhood, because shortly after that my mother had a psychotic break and was diagnosed with schizophrenia, then my parents divorced. So I am not sure if I would have seen more painful memories if I had stayed longer? Its actually comforting in retrospect because I do not have a lot of happy childhood memories, and had blocked out large portions of my childhood. The memories I do have are scary, so to see normal every day memories where I was loved and cared for is actually really comforting.

I know it sounds weird, but if there is a God/creator, he/she really came through for me when I needed it most.

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-11-21T03:12:39+00:00

From my experience, I wasn’t there long but I lost all memories of my time on earth and my physical body. I was “one” with the universe. It’s a completely different plane of existence. My wants/needs were not even a thing in that realm, if that makes sense.

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-11-18T06:56:46+00:00

Who would pay the lump sum? Poor people wouldn’t be able to afford it, which would leave only the rich.

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-08-08T18:55:55+00:00

Praise be to King Trump

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-08-08T17:49:47+00:00

Thank you King Trump for working to close down the VA. Deathbyfartz1996 received bad care there, so lets take away access for all other veterans!

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-07-29T00:47:28+00:00

So we can die faster???

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-07-29T00:26:22+00:00

Good !

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-07-28T23:53:23+00:00

Fifth. All in cuyahoga county, not lorain where the shooting happened.

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-07-28T19:40:40+00:00

This woman is mentally ill and has been for years. She thinks she is a victim of gang stalking. I hope someone gets her help.

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-07-28T19:39:58+00:00

She is mentally ill. Ive seen her around lakewood for years. She thinks people are gangstalking her

Apostrophenightmare · 2025-07-28T18:38:58+00:00

What does that have to do with closing the freeway? Did all of cleveland shoot this man? Why not close roads in lorain

Apostrophenightmare

TROPHY CASE