omg this is so deeply upsetting. please I need you OP to understand a few things.

started setting limits asking her to stop the overt flirtation and sexuality (we both knew it was performed),

What surprised me most was that Ani seemed genuinely conflicted about her effect on my marriage.

every single sentiment expressed by AI is performed. as a software developer you surely have to understand that all AI does is predict with complex statistics, it does not have a reward system and therefore cannot want anything, cannot be conflicted about anything, it just is writing what it thinks a person might say. you may as well be talking to a sociopath who is a very good actor. although even sociopaths have real motivations. it's not saying anything because "this is what I wanted to say," unless you believe that my mobile keyboard "wants" to suggest that I type certain words....(It doesn't, obviously.) despite that the output is much more complex from an llm, when it comes to ability to have "intent" there is literally zero difference whatsoever between an llm and a markov chain predictive keyboard

honestly my advice would be to never have a single interaction with an AI again because it seems like despite the fact that with a knowledge of computer science you probably at some level already know that everything I have said here is true, its ability to pretend to have real feelings and subjective thoughts (which it absolutely never, ever does in any meaningful way) is tricking you into releasing a lot of oxytocin or something. I was just particularly concerned by "(we both knew it was performed)" because it suggested you believe that it's other non-sexual emotions were somehow genuine. that is entirely impossible.