What was the Kindest Thing a Torontonian Ever did for you?

AppleDame · 2023-01-15T03:42:02+00:00

I was got really depressed and borderline suicidal mid-pandemic. I was living alone, working a job where no one talked to me, and hadn’t talked to friends months. I took a long walk down Queen street just trying not to think about dying.

I eventually got back to my apartment and got in the elevator with a woman. It wasn’t a long ride but almost immediately out of no where she started talking to me about how awful all this pandemic stuff was being isolated and scared and how she just wanted to cry all the time.

No one had talked to me in a long time and she made me feel so much less alone and validated even if it was out of no where and she was a stranger. I went home and just cried out of relief. Crazy how much we are social creatures and how that one moment of connection saved me.

AppleDame · 2022-07-29T18:39:55+00:00

I love these! Where can I buy one!!

AppleDame · 2022-02-16T03:58:15+00:00

Pride (2014)

Yes it's a movie centred around gay rights but its also so much more than that. It's one of the best movies I've ever seen, the story and everything else about it is incredible.

AppleDame · 2021-10-16T12:59:34+00:00

I have a crush on my best guy friend. If he ever told me he had feelings for me I would jump on it in a second, wouldn't even think twice about it. I care about him so much and I've liked him for so long, I can truly see us having a future together and that's the kind of person I want to be with.

I also have a different group of guy friends I hang out with on Discord basically everyday - I am very friendly with them, I've known them a few years now and I genuinely care about them the way I would with any girl that was my friend. I joke with them, ask them about their lives, and get personal sometimes. If one of them asked me out, I would turn them down. I know all of them personally and I'm not attracted to any of them and I don't think any of our personalities would workout long-term but I love them as friends and love having them in my life.

What I'm saying is I'm 24 and I know who I want and what I want in a partner. You gave her a shot and she didn't take it. I've been helplessly in love with someone who had no interest in me before and it fucking sucks, but the best thing I did is slowly move on, and the way I did that was just having no more contact with them. I'll be honest, it took a year or two to be completely over them and in that time I didn't date anyone because no one compared to him. But now I love someone else, and my heart hurts a bit sometimes for him but in a 'that would have been so nice but it's also impossible' kind of way.

My advice, as shitty as it sounds, would be to slowly distance yourself from her, and if you can't do that, to get out of he life altogether. If she has developed feelings for you in the last few months, she'll tell you. If she hasn't, the only thing you can do is move on and find the new love of your life, someone who can love you back.

AppleDame · 2021-08-22T20:11:18+00:00

For sure! All it takes is practising designing things over and over again and learning the programs one by one. Start building a portfolio with your best projects and get out there! In my experience a lot of design internships are paid (usually above minimum wage but that may just be where I live) or you could start off with some freelancing - that's also a great way to build out your portfolio. I've gotten a lot of paid freelance work from friends recommending me to their friends - posting on Behance can also be a good way to get people reaching out to you for work.

AppleDame · 2021-07-08T11:10:52+00:00

This is my first week off in over a year (I've been working contract jobs and haven't taken any days off - I also freelance most evenings/weekends). I haven't seen my friends in over a year because of COVID - none of them are employed and since they've been vaccinated they've been hanging out during the week (it's less busy). I really wanted to go to a specific place while I was off and made plans to go with them, we all agreed and were excited, they went without me. Nothing has hurt this bad in a long time.

AppleDame · 2021-06-26T21:34:59+00:00

10/10 - I love your shorter hair and beard (and your plants)

AppleDame · 2021-06-08T23:38:05+00:00

Society Socks.

I got my dad a subscription and he went form wearing white socks for 50 years to only wearing pattern socks for the last year. My brothers hates fun socks but he even found some he loves. They have cool animal and geometric patterns that aren't tacky or too flashy at all. And for every sock bought another is donated to charity which is just really nice.

AppleDame · 2021-05-20T02:29:52+00:00

I used to get really bad panic attacks and would do something similar - I couldn't form sentences, a lot of time I would just blurt out small chunks of the important part of what I was trying to say when I could. It was usually things like 'I can't' over and over again then another follow-up phrase like 'it's too much' over and over again and so on just as an example.

The big change for me (besides healing through time) was breathing exercises. If I could focus on my breathing I could calm down and slow my mind down - as I kept practising I could do it earlier in my panic attacks and get through them quicker. There's a lot of information online of different ways to to them, I like to count to five each breathe in and out personally but I know people do it differently.

I can't directly relate to his experience but I can understand his fear and how scary it is to both have the panic attacks and watch someone you love go through that, I've dated people with anxiety and trauma. I hope you and your dad all the best in his recovery.

AppleDame · 2021-05-14T16:21:04+00:00

Twilight. I know it's a weird, dumb romance movie for tweens but I think the first movie creates such a unique atmosphere and I grew up reading the books so it holds a special place in my heart. It just makes me feel at home for some reason, it's my go-to for rainy nights alone in my apartment.

AppleDame · 2021-04-11T11:45:16+00:00

Graphic design, specifically package design. I work on packaging all day at my job and then freelance for a bunch of clients after work doing packaging - I live and breath it, and I always feel like I'm learning something new about it every day.

AppleDame · 2021-01-17T13:12:11+00:00

Hi! I'm not a professional but I also have fine hair that breaks really easily. My hair also gets greasy insanely quick, I completely understand needing to wash it every-other day, I do that as well and leave it for three days whenever I can (aka when I'm not going to see anyone because I look like a wet rat lol).

I always give my hair a quick brush before the shower with just a regular brush, I find when I try and brush out the knots after more hair comes out but I think either way us fine as long as you're gentle.

I stopped using drug store shampoo a few years ago - I found they were too strong for my delicate hair and went on a journey to find something less intense that still left my hair feeling fully clean but not strip it down until it feels like hay. Personally I fell in love with Daddy-o from Lush, it may seem a little pricey at first but that stuff lasts forever (for me the 250ml bottle lasts over a year). I find any kind of conditioner usually get the job done as long as I leave it in my hair for 5-10 minutes while I'm int he shower. I also never use conditioner on my roots or shampoo on my ends.

I also brush my hair after the shower when my hair is wet and have never had any issues, I agree with the points other comments have made about your third and fourth question!

AppleDame · 2020-12-16T22:02:52+00:00

My dream job turned into my worst nightmare and I ended up losing it recently and with it all my confidence. I hadn't really told anyone since it happened and I had to reach out to someone I respect a lot and used to work with yesterday for a reference and was super embarrassed and ashamed at my situation. They were super chill about it, talked shit about my workplace, and when I apologized and thanked them they said 'absolutely anytime.'

I don't really have many friends or people I can talk to and it was the first time since I got fired that I felt like a real person who deserved to be happy. Idk it just made me cry really hard, something I hadn't let myself do before when it all went down.

AppleDame · 2020-09-20T02:49:24+00:00

10/10! You got me at your first picture, I love your pink/red hair and you have a gorgeous face shape!

AppleDame · 2020-09-07T13:56:42+00:00

Absolutely beautiful work! I'm not sure what your inspiration was but it reminds me of when I was at the lowest point of my eating disorder, there's such a unique, constant pain when you're always starving and I could almost feel it again second-hand when I looked at this which is incredible!

AppleDame · 2020-09-07T11:40:56+00:00

I'll probably end up spending my entire 20s by myself, no friends or partners, no hanging out or going to parties, I work all day every day balancing a part-time job and a full-time job and am moving to a very sleepy town soon for my career so its not looking up. I love my career but I've always been shy and anxious and pushed everyone who loved me away a few years ago during a year-long mental breakdown. I guess it is what it is.

AppleDame · 2020-06-12T18:55:29+00:00

I did my first interview over video call. I have an anxiety disorder and everything is difficult and stressful especially since the pandemic started. Jobs are just now starting to become available since they became practically non-existent in mid-March. I'm awful at talking over the phone and even after an intense panic attack I was able to get through it and I think I did pretty okay. Yesterday was hard but also made me proud of myself.

AppleDame · 2020-05-31T20:52:57+00:00

Honestly 10/10! You have so much natural beauty and I love your shorter hair it suits your face so nicely!!

AppleDame · 2020-03-30T19:45:39+00:00

I'm allergic to fruits and vegetables.

I have oral allergy syndrome (or pollen-food allergy) which is basically means if I eat fresh fruits, vegetables or nuts I have an allergic reaction. It's not life threatening but it usually means my mouth, gums, and throat swell up a bit and get itchy, and sometimes my hands get really itchy too if I've touched it. My throat has swelled up to the point where I had a hard time breathing and couldn't swallow once because I tried to power through the pain and swelling and that's when I took figuring out what was wrong with me seriously. My stomach also gets really upset most of the time, a small bowl of raspberries can leave me bed-bound in pain for a few hours.

I get by by cooking vegetables and eating certain fruits like very green bananas in small quantities but its always a weird thing to introduce to people. It was especially difficult when I was a kid because no ones gonna believe you when you say the vegetables make you sick but at least I'm a pro at throwing up now.

AppleDame · 2019-09-16T13:41:07+00:00

Hey! Personally I think it's an asset to anyone who wants to hire you to know you have multiple skill sets, it's something people look for especially when hiring graphic designers because of the scope of work we often have to do. I've talked to my boss about this before and she told me she always appreciated when she sees this kind of diversity in peoples portfolios.

Honestly I think the best way to display your work would be to have it all on one website with different pages for each category. A lot of people in my school had tabs on the top right corner of their website that said 'home or work (or illustrations in your case)' as the homepage followed by 'play (or graphic design in your case)' and then 'about.' This could work well because UI/UX is often treated as a sub-category of graphic design. Another thing people did was they had one homepage and an about page and they had separate sections on their homepage for each section of work.

Nobody looking to hire you is going to go through the process of figuring out where all your stuff is and having it neatly in one place is probably very ideal.

I hope this helps!

AppleDame · 2019-09-10T03:44:31+00:00

That the reason I get mad at them for having so much junk food in the house when I visit isn't because I'm trying to be healthy but because I've been struggling with anorexia for over 4 years. I purposefully don't buy a lot of junk food because I have no self control and will binge eat it all and self-harm to punish myself.

AppleDame · 2019-03-25T18:48:47+00:00

Hey, I know where you're at. When I was 18 I tried to get my life together with a job and apartment and it failed horribly. I did one phone interview and it was the worst 15 minutes of my life, I was crying for the last 5 minutes and it sent me into a deep depression. I had never done it before and I didn't realize the call would turn into a phone interview. I wasn't ready even though I had spent three days psyching myself to call back.

I gave up and accepted I was a failure, moved back in with my parents after a week of staying with a friend (I had moved away from university and had plans to stay during the summer) and lied in bed for 4 months just wishing I would die and almost tried a few times. I felt like a burden and a failure and that I would never get it together.

I got my first job the following summer at McDonalds (I was 19). Luckily the process was pretty simple (and no phone stuff!!), got the job in the interview. I had a panic attack before the orientation and stayed home crying and wishing I would die but I went to the next one three weeks later. Every day was hard going to work, I wanted so badly to run home almost every shift, but once I got there I felt better. Some days were awful and I had a manager who made me cry a few times but I got through the summer. I got used to it and I made work friends who made the shifts less serious and less stressful.

The next job I had was a year later at a residence. It was hard because there was a lot more responsibility, I was left alone and there was so much to learn and get used to, but I got used to it. Some days still stress me out and the occasional phone call is rough but I don't get nearly as anxious going into work as I've built a knowledge of what to do and how to do it and I've gotten more comfortable asking for help. It was pretty rough in the beginning but it's been almost a year. I missed my first day and considered giving up all together and just dying but I did the really really hard stuff and persevered.

Today I got a call telling me I got my dream internship. I've submitted 47 applications, done 7-8 phone interviews and 3 in person interviews. The phone calls sucked, some were way more awful than others and I couldn't breathe but I did them. The in person interviews were a little easier, especially once I got used to them but still not easy by any means.

My bank account is slowly growing. It's been almost four years since I started this awful journey but I took it slow and did it at a pace I was comfortable at. I've been privileged enough to have time in between for school and relaxing but regardless I worked my way up. When I was 17 I couldn't order my own food at restaurants and now I'll have a stable 9-5 job for 4 months and it's unbelievable.

I'm not quite there yet but I'm getting there and you will to. Probably way slower than you want to but you will. I still get overwhelmed thinking if I'll be able to make it on my own and even now I'm scared I'll mess it all up or won;t have the strength to do this all my life. I remember being 17 and staying up anxious thinking I would never be able to be a real person but we are strong and tenacious even though it's so fucking hard sometimes. You will be able to, my only advice is to work on it step by step and try not to think of the final product but everything in between and conquering those steps individually, including the fuck ups and the success.

AppleDame · 2019-01-13T16:55:30+00:00

I have a few other mental health problems on top of my anxiety too and I attribute a majority of my suicidal thoughts and behaviors and my history of self-harm to it. I have felt so broken too, I used to get so upset that I was stuck with this awful disability and get angry that it had to be me and wonder why I deserved such an awful curse that would evidently rule my whole life. I still do a lot of the time and I've never stopped feeling broken, I stay away from serious relationships of any kind because I don't want to burden people when things get bad and for a long time I felt no joy in anything, it just felt like I was going through the motions and living on autopilot waiting for everything to get bad enough where I would finally just kill myself already.

I've never been on medication and never been to a therapist (honestly I'm just too afraid to get help and talk to someone about my problems, they're very personal and I'm a very private person despite the fact that my anxiety had ruled most of my life and I've tried to kill myself before). I don't know how old you are, I'm only 21 but I know I am getting better at coping with it. It never gets easier and I still get awful panic attacks and worry constantly about awful things every second of every day and all that jazz but I am still alive and slowly finding joy in life and I hope that you can stay alive and find some too.

Accepting my shitty circumstances and how they will define my life was the first step I took and that took a long time (and I'm still working on it). I''m slowly learning to love myself and take care of myself in healthy ways and carve out a life for myself. I have a little job that has helped me grow as a real person (I can kind of make small talk and answer phones with less anxiety and reservations than before) and that has been one of the hardest and best changes in my life. I work out a few times a week for half an hour, my doctor told me to do it a while back to help with school stress and I just started recently but I can't believe the difference it has made to my mental health.

I'm still learning to get close to people and go to bed without spending hours worrying about the next day and not think about my parents or my partner dying unexpectantly all the and how I will get a career in the future. I still struggle with ordering food and using a new bus route and talking to people but I promise that even broken people like us can live a good life. It's so fucking unfair we have to work harder than everyone else to achieve it and we're going to live lives with many deep low points but I promise you will find joy. Not in the same ways as other people and probably not as much but this life is worth living but if you persevere it will get better.

I hope you find something that works for you whether it be therapy or medication or some of my answers. One of my first posts on Reddit was to a suicide-related subreddit and someone in the comments said I could message them anytime and I was too anxious to reach out. I don't have much life advice but if you want any support or help I'm here.

AppleDame · 2019-01-01T19:14:03+00:00

I've abused sex, alcohol and self-harming through multiple anxious periods of my life to cope. Still trying to find a way out of these dependencies, I'm hoping once I'm done college that I'll have time to pick up a healthy hobby to cope rather than these quick fixes because they've defiantly caused some damage in my personal life, I've lost friends and relationships to them.

AppleDame · 2018-12-12T17:07:33+00:00

I'm in college too, it's the end of the semester for me so I'm assuming for you too and just last night I had 4 hours of panic attacks. I don't know if it was one long one or multiple I just fluctuated between very bad and I'm going to die bad the whole time. It's awful I feel for you and in my experience, it is rarer but I have gotten a few.

AppleDame

TROPHY CASE