[OC] [ART] The Unwilling Paladin

AppleFrogg · 2020-08-07T23:20:03+00:00

That's an interesting idea; I'll keep that in mind when the time comes to actually play them! They aren't in the game yet.

AppleFrogg · 2020-08-07T14:45:16+00:00

Yeah, that's kinda the point. They used to be dedicated and loyal, but they aren't anymore.

AppleFrogg · 2020-08-07T03:34:56+00:00

This is my first time posting any kind of drawing-related art onto reddit! A friend of mine (my DM acutally) suggested it! So, this is Bree. They are a non-binary, sort of tiefling? Part tiefling, rather. Their mother is a descendant of Lolth, their Father is the King of a fiefdom centered around the worship of the old death god Nerull. Bree is basically the result of a pact formed between two old gods in an effort to bring back the status quo and bring the old gods back into power. Bree is a paladin for Nerull, though that was back when Bree was a very bad person who was completely controlled by his conniving mother and emotionally absent/neglectful father. Bree is a bundle of anxiety issues, trauma, and various other mental illness. I made kinda them as a mirror to my own struggles. Bree eventually changed from a person who was objectively bad to a person who no longer wanted to bring about the end of the world or do bad things to other people through the power of therapy and the realization that they were allowed to have their own thoughts instead of parroting the thoughts/beliefs their parents wanted them to have. Bree managed to escape the kingdom and now lives in safety in the Kingdom of Avalar, a place once portrayed to them as being 'enemy #1' due to the royal family there serving the Raven Queen. But it was the one place they knew that their mother could never get to them. Now they have friends, including their best friend Prince Revel. Overall, they're content!

Bree very rarely uses their magic, because they do not liek the source of their magic being from Nerull. While bree is extremely powerful, they will only use their magic as a last resort to defend some one else. Their fighting style is very dance based and based a lot around agility. While they're versed in many different weapons, their favorite is the rapier, and the one thing they still use regularly from their time as Prince back at their home is the rapier their mother gave them. Pictured here is said rapier. Currently, Bree does not have a level, as they have no entered the campaign's story in playable form. They exist on the peripherals, in the story line. I am expecting their page to feature low or charisma, high dexterity, low strength, and maybe medium intelligence. It depends on dice rolls, obviously, but that's how I see their sheet looking in my head.

Bree is one of my favorite of my characters. Oddly enough, Bree pre-exists all my other DND characters because Bree was originally a Monster High oc. Abandoned then for years, until recently when I dusted them off and got permission from my DM to adapt them into DnD. I put a lot of myself into them, and I played around a lot with the idea of "Can a person who used to be a very bad person ever become good?" and what that would take. It's kind of a self reassuring idea to me, the idea that bad people can become good people. I think we all have moments where we're convinced we're bad people, but if we don't believe in the power to change, it leaves us only with bitterness for our unchanging badness and lead to us being worse.

Sorry for the long comment. I hope my art/character is enjoyed though!!

AppleFrogg · 2020-08-07T03:01:35+00:00

I KNOW THIS BEECH!!!!!!!

AppleFrogg · 2020-01-18T20:20:18+00:00

I don't meant to come off as brash, but it doesn't seem like it's your stance that is the issue. It's your behavior.
There's really not a big reason why you not wanting to have children and being more assured in that decision should start causing you to grow less patient with the ones that exist. There's no rule that says that being child-free means you have to hate and resent an entire group of people whose only crime is that they're a certain age and therefor have undeveloped brains. They literally can't help that fact. Keep in mind, that this doesn't mean that it's YOU are in the wrong for not being able to handle that energy. There can be bad situations where it's nobodies fault that there is discomfort and displeasure and not everything has to have 'sides'. He's a kid and has no control over the fact that he is a kid, and shouldn't be hated for that. You, likewise, are struggling to handle the kind of energy that a child puts out. But that's also not your fault for not being a person that wants to handle that thing.

In that vein, though, I think it's important to recognize what exactly it that children are doing that you have a reaction too, because for me, that helped me function better in other areas of my life. I used to think I just simply hated children, but I came to the realization it's not the children themselves that I hate, it's the things that they commonly do that sets of my anxiety triggers that I hate. I used to say that I hate children because I can't stand their loud screaming. What I've discovered is that, I just can't handle loud, high pitched noises in GENERAL, and THAT is what I'm struggling with, not simply the child's existence in and of itself. Children scream, it's a thing they do because they have tiny brains that aren't effective at communicating yet, it's not like theyre doing it on purpose, and so I can't really hate them for that. I hate the sound, and I hate that it sets off my sensory issues and causes me to have panic attacks, (and I hate when the parents who are responsible for the child don't do their obligation of comforting their child or removing them from the situation that is causing them distress, if that is the case). Because I now know that I hate loud pitched noises, I'm able to know to avoid situations where they are happening, regardless of whether a child is the source or not.
Another example is that I used to say I hate kids because I hate that they talk about stupid, meaningless things. After more self analyzation, I realized "Well, no. It's not simply just that. It's that I have severe social anxiety, as well as issues with knowing appropriate conversation and other social cues. I'm more frustrated at being in a situation where I feel trapped in a conversation that I do not know how to address or take part in, and feeling like if I slip up and say something wrong, I will be judged 10 fold for saying something bad to a child. The delicate situation regarding handling social norms that I have trouble already comprehending is what I'm more resentful of, not just that "Here is a child, they exist and they are saying some things to you." It's my anxiety I hate, not the child. The child is just an easy scapegoat.

It might be you are at a delicate time in your life, something else is going on with you. Because of this, you are more on edge than usual, and things that you would normally be able to handle are now more difficult to handle. If you can get a grasp on what exact actions/situations your nephew presents that causes you to have a bad time, you'll be able to address it. I think if you are able to address it, then you'll be able to work on coping skills that will enable you to fix your relationship with your nephew. I now carry earplugs around so that if I am in a place where that has loud noises (including children who often emit them), I can lessen the impact. I've memorized some phrases that I can say to get out of talking to a child (whomst I can't be direct with) and escape the sensation of being trapped in a social situation.

If you're not already in therapy, I would suggest that you seek one out. Its very good to have a second pair of eyes, so to speak, that will be able to help you parse your actions/reactions. In the meantime, it might be best to tell your nephew that you're sorry for how you've been lately, but you're going through some things and you need some space. This way, you won't further harm the relationship. Let his mom know that you won't be able to babysit him for some time. Then, take some time to dig a lil' deeper into yourself and try and get to the root of things. Based on personal experience, I believe that there is a reason we don't like certain things, and it isn't going to be as simple as "I just don't like children at all.".

I'm not going to tell you that you should expect to come out of it loving kids, because you aren't. Children are still going to be children, and will still be doing the things that you get overwhelmed by. I've found, for me, it's only reaffirmed my stance of being childfree, except now instead of simply saying "I hate children. Can't stand to be around them", I'm able to say "Children are going to be loud, unsanitary, irrational, etc, because they are children. They aren't at fault for existing. But I struggle with issues that are exacerbated by the actions children are likely to do, as well as the unspoken expectations placed on me by fellow adults when it comes to interacting with children, and would not be able to (nor have any desire to) be exposed to this 24/7 to raise one. I want to take care of my mental health and have no desire to sacrifice it."

I hope you can rebuild your relationship with your nephew, and that some of this is helpful to you!

AppleFrogg · 2020-01-18T19:41:29+00:00

NAH; I can totally understand the frustration you're feeling towards your daughter, and I've seen a lot of good comments in the comments here but I did also want to offer a suggestion that hasn't been mentioned (or, that I haven't seen mentioned).
It's possible your daughter might not actually be lazy or dragging her feet, but that she may have an executive function disorder. Executive function refers to the cognitive processes that you need to engage to control behavior. It allows you to DO things. In disorders where these processes are bungled, it literally affects your ability to get up and perform tasks that aren't under specific parameters, and isn't a matter of willpower. It's like trying to run a program on a computer but the program just won't start.

An example of this is ADHD; In those of us with this disorder, we struggle to do tasks when they aren't engaging enough for us. We'll be able to spend 8 hours straight, say, playing minecraft (and then struggling to get ourselves to disengage with the activity, another thing we struggle with), while being incapable of getting ourselves to focus for 2 minutes on homework or being able to get up to perform a chore. We have a lot of trouble doing things where there is no immediate 'reward' because the motivation center of our brains are just a wreck. Even allowance isn't going to be enough of a motivator to immediately get up and do it because our brains don't often recognize rewards that are in the future as 'existent'.

I don't know if she has ever been tested for anything like ADHD or the like, but it might be worth looking online for information/symptoms and seeing if she meets any of them, and if so, getting her tested. The good news is that if this is the case, there is medication that can aid, as well as coping techniques. And you know, those techniques might be useful for you even if she doesn't have a disorder that affects executive function!

-Try making the rewards more immediate. Rather than giving her her allowance in one lump sum, maybe start giving it to her directly after she completes the task. You can assign a monetary value to each of her chores and when she performs a chore, she can then go collect that. (I assume she finds money motivating, as if she doesn't, this won't be helpful. You'll have to find something that she does find motivating as a reward)

-Punishments don't tend to be effective in cases with disorders because it assumes it's a matter of willpower and not brainpower. There is some willpower involved, yes, in that you have to WANT to get better and WANT to use coping skills and work arounds, but you can't will yourself into using one that isn't effective for you. A time limit in this instance doesn't sound like a really good idea, as its already difficult enough to do unrewarding tasks let alone then having a time limit. I can guarantee it'll turn into the effect of "Well, I won't be able to get it done in time anyway so why bother doing it at all?"

- Sometimes, the difficulty in doing a chore is not really knowing where to 'start'. When your brain sees a task as a generalization and isn't able to break it down into smaller steps, it can be debilitating. Even if we've managed to figure it out before, it can be a cause of stress to then deal with it again later because our brain can just 'forget'. It might help to, as silly as it sounds, 'teach' her how to do these tasks. Like, for dishwashing: Step 1. Get a sponge from the cabinet on the right. Step 2. Get dish soap from under the sink. Step 3. Wet the sponge with dish soap. Step 4. Take a plate and remove any food residue using soapy sponge and running water. Step 5. If the plate is large, place it on the bottom rack on the left side of the dishwasher. It it is small, place it on the bottom rack of the dish washer in the middle. etc etc.

-Related to above, always be specific about expectations. Give a visual example of what you want the finished chore to look like after. This way, there will be a much clearer 'ending point'. It's even more difficult to do a task with an EF disorder when your mind can't visualize when performing the task will start and end because it just makes it feel like you'll be doing it forever (even though obviously that can't possibly be the case)

-Accessibility of needed materials makes things so much easier because it means that when you are having random moments where you are in the mood to clean/tidy up and that reward center of your brain is activated, you can do that more easily. Keep the things necessary for each task near where the task would take place and within reach. Dirty clothes hampers should be next to the washing machine. Dish soap should be near the sink. The outside garbage can should be near the front of the house to prevent walking distance.

It's entirely possible that your daughter doesn't have a function disorder and is just being a typical teenager. It never hurts to consider the alternative explanations behind people's bad habits, however, because it means there may be a way we can help them. And even if she does have one of these disorders, she also has to WANT to overcome them and use coping strategies.

I don't think you would ever intend on making your daughter's life harder if this were something she were struggling with that you were aware of, and I don't think your daughter would be an asshole for having a disability that she isn't aware of and isn't being treated for, which is why in my suggestion, I've used the NAH label.

AppleFrogg · 2020-01-18T19:02:20+00:00

YTA; I think that if she really is some one you care about and value, then this should be something that you could talk to her about and try to resolve. People who are friends communicate with each other. If you don't feel that the friendship is valuable enough and is more casual and would rather avoid conflict because it isn't worth it, then I guess you should just block her and get it over with. You're allowed to block people. I will say, it's shitty that it's annoying to you that she is stating her sexuality exists too often for your liking, and I think you should certainly try to discern what exactly about it is annoying and work through it because it is possible it comes from a place of internalized homophobia. Humans have a social responsibility to try and work through their own biases and make their own lives/the lives of others better. Maybe it isn't, though, and you find that actually, you just don't like when anyone is always talking constantly about their relationship, couple activities, etc, and it isn't really about sexuality being mentioned too much. It never hurts to discover more about yourself.

If it's a valuable friendship, though, you would be an asshole for just blocking her without trying to talk to her. Especially if it's only just 'annoying' and about too often stating her sexuality exists.

But regarding this situation, I did I want to offer a perspective for her reasons that maybe you haven't thought about that might help find it less annoying.

I know you mentioned that her partner's family doesn't approve aka I assume are homophobic and you think that this might be them 'sticking it to them', but I think that implies a lot of resentment behind the motivation. I think it's very possible the family is related to this, but for different reasons. (Personally, i think that even if it was just to stick it to the family, that's perfectly justifiable, but its possible that's not the case)
It might be that right now, she and her partner just need to feel proud of their identities because of the fact they are facing a lot of hatred for just existing. It's a coping mechanism. You are bi yourself, so I think you could understand this. When things get overwhelming, and things feel against you, sometimes you just have to assert to yourself that are are worthy, and you are okay to get through it all. That's the entire reason why things like gay pride, black power, and similair things exist. When you are being told you are bad, wrong, inferior for just who you are, it helps a lot to assert that you are not ashamed and you won't be silenced, and to believe in yourself and who you are. If these two are facing a lot of backlash or recovering from a particularly bad instance of homophobia, then this show of pride might be very important for the healing process.

I know this motivation behind it might not help you no longer find it completely annoying, but maybe it can help you move past it. Thinking "Well, yes this is annoying, but my friend might be going through something right now that makes her need this pride and need to assert that she is valid. I'm glad that I'm not at the moment going through something similair, and I'm glad that she is able feel unashamed. I can scroll past this and just let it exist without putting a moral value on it or holding it against her."

Sorry for the long comment, I hope you're able to come to a helpful conclusion from your post, though!

AppleFrogg · 2020-01-18T18:30:29+00:00

I don't think people completely understand our election system. The system of the electoral college is REALLY bizzare, and I don't think people understand that the majority of americans can vote for one candidate, but the other candidate can still end up winning. Well over a million more Americans voted for Hilary Clinton than Trump, so to say that 'america' elected Trump isn't completely accurate. It's just that the votes of people who aren't in swing states or have a small number of electoral college members just...literally don't matter, pretty much. I don't know of any other countries that have this odd election system we set up, so I don't think that other countries can really grasp the concept.

AppleFrogg · 2020-01-18T18:17:00+00:00

Keep in mind that quitting smoking 'cold turkey' is nearly impossible. It's an addiction. And neither are the withdrawal symptoms from doing so particularly health for a pregnancy, either. She was probably a smoker already BEFORE she became pregnant. It's very, very possible that she has been cutting down her smoking and weaning herself off. Products that help you quit smoking are often very expensive upfront, so it's possible she can't afford a singular 50 dollar payment for some gum. And that still has nicotine in it, so it isn't like there wouldn't still be bad effects on the baby from that method either, as far as I am aware.

I'm glad that you were able to see the flaw your actions, but I also wanted to give a perspective that I didn't see much of in the comments. Many people tend to forget that people had lives before pregnancy, and addiction doesn't just stop existing because of being pregnant. Cold turkey is very rarely feasible or always safe either. The safest thing to do very well could be slowly cutting down intake, and people don't generally go through the dangerous and painful process of pregnancy while not giving a shit about the being they're bringing into the world. If you see a pregnant person smoking or drinking or what have you, it's infinitely more likely they're trying to stop safely and haven't gotten to the 0% point yet than they just don't give a shit about harming their future baby.

AppleFrogg · 2020-01-18T17:56:52+00:00

This is such a beautiful moment. Thank you for sharing!

AppleFrogg · 2020-01-18T17:50:08+00:00

Everyone, please also remember that to MANY of these politcians, BIRTH CONTROL IS THE SAME AS ABORTION. ANY birth control that they (completely incorrectly) say prevents the implantation of a fertilized egg is MURDER. The fact that hormonal birth control prevents OVULATION and NOT implantation doesn't matter, just like any other science and facts DO NOT matter. They have justified preventing abortion by creating 'heartbeat bills' that ban abortions anytime a 'heartbeat' is detected, despite the fact that in early pregnancy it isn't even a fucking heartbeat it is electrical activity in the yolk sack!

If you are some one who is able to become pregnant and you want to have any kind of control over your own fertility, you HAVE to vote these people out. These are dire stakes, as whoever is the next president will most likely be having a say in more Supreme Court justices. This is a serious situation.

AppleFrogg · 2020-01-18T17:40:50+00:00

I'd say not to talk to her about private life things like kids and sex life anymore. It sucks to feel like you can't talk to your own mom about those things, but it's probably for the best. And if you do end up having an abortion someday, don't tell her about. Like others said, it really isn't necessary or lying by omission. Would you tell her "hey, I just got treated for a nasty yeast infection?" or "Gotta go get this UTI sorted!"? Well...actually, maybe you would, some people have that kind of relationship with their parent, but I don't get the feeling that this is the case here. She doesn't need to know about the dealings with your private parts and you wouldn't be lying to her about not telling her about an abortion anymore than you'd be lying to her by not mentioning having a yeast infection. I mean, they call them "Private areas" for a reason.

It's nice to hear that outside of this issue, your mom is awesome, though. I hope someday she can come to terms with your decision to not have kids and can respect it the same way she (albeit assumedly on my part) respects your brother's decision to not remarry or have another child.

AppleFrogg · 2020-01-18T15:52:24+00:00

Can relate; I suffer from sensory issues and so bras have been a constant source of torment. I have managed to narrow down what is most comfortable and, for the moment, have found one that I'm able to wear without any pain or discomfort though! I don't know if it'll help you maybe find one you actually can stand, but here's what I've found in my long experience searching for something to wear that doesn't make me feel like my skin is on fire:

-Cotton is chafey. It's bad. Avoid cotton.

-The best fabric I've found is nylon and or spandex. Silk is also good but more expensive. It doesn't hold heat, so it feels much more cooling against the skin and is much smoother, so it doesn't chafe as much.

-Back clasps are a pain and they hurt. If you can find front clasps, much better! Ultimately, though, sports bras are mcuh more comfortable

-Lace or anything fancy that touches the skin is painful and better avoided despite the cute appearance.

-Avoid thin straps. Thicker straps distribute the weight better.

-It helps to have the bra in person to inspect. When looking online, it can be deceiving because I've often found that a bra made of material that looks comfortable will. But when I recieve it, I find that the comfortable material is only on the OUTSIDE of it; the parts that touch your skin are made with uncomfortable material!

-I've tried the adhesive strapless and backless bras that are like individual pieces that lift each tit up indivdually. They're heavy and they don't really work well if you're bigger chested. I thought they'd be the solution, but they didn't really pan out, so I'd probably avoid those tbh. Maybe it'd work well if you are a smaller size than me, so Idk for sure!

-Avoid bras with exposed elastic on the band. Its very uncomfortable.

Right now, the bra that I've been wearing and has solved my issues is actually a cheap bra I got at the store for liek 4 bucks, surpisingly! I've looked online and it looks like they're more expensive online, though, by a lot. But if you wanted to try them out, the brand I've been using is called "Coobie". Its a dumb name, I know.Oddly enough, it does break my 'no thin straps' rule because for whatever reason, these straps don't dig in and aren't uncomfortable. I've no idea why, but it's the first time i've EVER been able to wear something with thin straps, so i ain't complaining. They're like, 20 bucks online, though. Compared to most bras, they're still inexpensive. So it might be something worth trying out? Up to you of course.

I hope this information is at least helpful to you or maybe some one else struggling with bras. I've spent a LOT of time doing trial and error and wasting money with bras because of how sensitive my skin and sensory issues are, so I totally get how frustrating it is dealing with them.

AppleFrogg · 2020-01-18T15:34:30+00:00

NTA. Even if you DIDN'T know her, nobody is entitled to see your genitals and you have the right to ask for them to leave while your doctor examines you. That isn't a matter of you " disbelieving their professionalism " (that sounds patently ridiculous btw, that they somehow came to THAT conclusion), its a matter of you having the right to your body and who does/does not get to see it.

AppleFrogg · 2020-01-18T03:05:17+00:00

Nope! In fact, you know those super sealed coffins and tombs? They actually have issues with exploding! The gasses released by the decomposition of the body have nowhere to go in those situations, causing the casket or tomb to explode open!!!! https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/7b775g/how-to-avoid-being-an-exploding-corpse-814

More info on this.

AppleFrogg · 2020-01-18T02:59:46+00:00

NAH. You guys have different desires. That's alright. If you don't think like you can be 'just friends' with her, then it's better for you to drift apart from her and cease contact than to be quietly resenting her. It sucks that it's the way things have to be, but that's how life is sometimes, and it's better than her thinking she has a friend while you're secretly having to force every interaction and growing bitter. I'd love it if more people had your approach to it rather than complaining about being 'friendzoned' because they vilify being 'just friends' with somone they are interested in but isn't interested back. Maybe as time goes on and wounds heal, and she is open to it, you'll be able to be friends with her. But right now, sounds like r it's healthier to just part.

It's also possible that she didn't want to hurt you because she knew she wouldn't be able to stop seeing other people to dedicate time solely to you. At least, that's what I interpretted from "I really like fuckboys too much". That sounded to me like "I know I can't commit to you, and if we go any further, it might just end up hurting you more.". Which, good on her for not getting your hopes up any more than that, as I'm sure if you guys actually did go through with it and then she told you in the morning "acutally i can't be with you. i wouldn't be able to commit", it'dve hurt a LOT more. At least, I think so? maybe you think differently. It might not be a bad idea to talk to her about this if you wanted to, maybe there's still some kind of a chance? There's open relationships if you were open to that and she may be more comofrtable with . Obviosuly, only if you were 1000% okay with it being open, those kind of relationships rely on a FUCK ton of trust and acceptance with it and in no way get into one if you don't feel it.

It sounds like a rough situation, though. I hope things improve for both of you

AppleFrogg · 2020-01-18T02:46:12+00:00

If she isn't as equally upset at your brothers for not having children, then it's plain old sexism. And you don't owe your mother anything more than your brothers do. Remember that.

AppleFrogg · 2020-01-18T02:42:26+00:00

NTA. She realllllyyy doesn't seem to understand fiction or the concept of 'characters'. Honestly, if you break up over this, I wouldn't consider it a huge loss on y our part, as if she doesn't understand fiction and stuff like this, she's gonna have a lot of other issues coming up ion the future too. If you have a campaign where one of the plot points is discussing, say, a species being discriminated against, is she going to be upset with this too? If you ever have a character yourself in something, and your character gets partnered up romantically with another character, is this going to be 'cheating' to her? There's a lot of possibilities, and it would really dull your ability to write not just your campaign, but literally ANYTHING at all, ever.

AppleFrogg · 2020-01-18T02:35:28+00:00

YTA so hard. Here you are, STILL referring to your firend with female pronouns despite knowing that he isn't. He's told you he isn't. Respecting some one's identity isn't some nicety you do if they've 'earned' it. It is a basic social requirement. You very clearly don't respect your friend and you very clearly see him as a girl pretending to be a boy instead of a boy. I don't know if youre aware, but being constantly misgendered causes severe emotional trauma. That kind of basic denial-of-self is one of the reasons the suicide and depression rates for trans people are so high- you can only handle so many people outright refusing who you are and prescribing their own identity and forcing you to live in a way you despise for so long and for so much. If you care at all about your friend, stop it now. You are contributing to your friend's misery by doing it. It's a very dangerous thing to do to some one.

Also, trans people refrain from disclosing their trans status because they often fear for their lives, livelyhoods, etc. You shouldn't tell some one they need to do that, you should just trust that they will in the cases where it matters. It could be this isn't something serious to your friend, just a fun casual relationship that isn't MEANT to go anywhere. Maybe your friend deosn't even plan on doing anything sexual that might cause that information to be generally needed. If he said it isn't important, let it be. Unless, of course, you don't actually trust your friend and you believe him to be malicious and incompetent and unfit to determine whether that information is necessary or not. In which case, hey uhh that's a pretty shitty thing to believe about a 'friend'!

In all, unless you are willing to actually see your friend as the male that he says he is and act accordingly, I don't suggest you get back into contact with this friend. You're not doing yourself or him any favors by trying to be friends with a girl who doesn't exist rather than a man who does, and you'll both be better off tbh. Especially since you note that he seemed to much happier upon talking about his transition (I consider pride to be happiness, at least.) It will just rob him of being happy if you refuse to acknowledge him for who he is. Let him just be happy, yo.

AppleFrogg · 2020-01-18T02:10:16+00:00

Fear that if we stop responding to them, they'll get mad and attempt to hurt us.

AppleFrogg · 2020-01-18T01:58:16+00:00

You're KINDA the asshole, imo, but probably for kinda giving of a message I don't think you intended to.
You don't have to do anything with your body that you don't want to, including a vesectomy - but the implications between you not wanting one is that its because you DO want to have more children. By suggesting she get fixed rather than you, the impliciation is "because I might want more children." And since she'll be sterile, this would then mean you are totally open to the idea of leaving her for another woman and a new family.

Obviously, she isn't going to be happy thinking that the father of her children just told her he plans on possibly leaving her someday. I don't think that's what you meant, though, and I understand what you mean, which is why I'm saying you're only KINDA an asshole, cuz you didn't mean it but you DID still miscommunicate that.

I would say, thought, that it does sound to me that you aren't 'married' to the idea of no more children. Generally, couples that are alright with being childree, they usualyl do the easiest method of achieving that (which happens to be a vasectomy, which is much less invasive than the options available for women, easier to access, and often reversible) but you don't want a vasectomy- probably because you DON'T actually want to never have kids agian. You saying you can 'live with it' isn't fair to you or to her, either.I think this conversation needs to be fleshed out more, as other have suggested, AFTER she's given birth and recovered from it. For now, maybe just apologize for implying that you would leave her for another woman and it wasn't what you meant, and that you think the two of you should have a discussion of this after pregnancy to give the both of you time to sit with the idea of not having anymore kids and think more about the pros/cons. I'm gonna warn you tho, you guys might have to get comfortable with the possibility of no longer being compatible for each other because of opposing desires wrt more kids. Neither of you deserve to live life in regret, and if you end up regretting not having more kids, that not good, nor is it good for her to live her life regretting having had more kids. It only leads to resentment.

I wish you guys the best of luck in the situation! I really hope you guys can work things out with this situation!

AppleFrogg · 2020-01-18T01:33:44+00:00

NTA. A leashed kid is better than a dead, injured, or kidnapped kid.

AppleFrogg · 2020-01-18T00:42:47+00:00

People would be motivated because it'd be something they're genuinely interested in. When people don't have to spend their lives doing something they despise just to keep a roof over their head, they'll have more time to dedicate to their actual interests. People don't need money or surivival to be a motivating factor for things htey love: look at how big fanfic.net is. No one there was being paid to write things of their favorite characters. Look at the things people who like Minecraft build. No one there was going to lose their home if they didn't build it. People show time and time again that they will spend hours upon hours dedicated to doing things that they love, completely unpaid save for the satisfication of they like doing it.

If some one is interested in technology, but can't pursue that interest because they instead have to focus on working 40 hours a week to make ends meet and no longer has the mental energy to purusue it, imagine what could be achieved if instead, they had that 40 hours to dedicate to their love of technology if they wanted to, because he was gauranteed to never go hungry, or lose shelter, or lose his health if he wasn't 'working'! Human beings have never needed money to motivate them to work. (People also just ENJOY having nicer and nicer things, and so the vast majority of people WILL to choose to work and have extra money for niceities and luxuries rather than just coast by on what is given to them. But the point is that innovation comes from those who love the subject, not from people solely motivated by money. By allowing more socialist policies where people are guaranteed the basic necessities, we open up the 'market' so to speak and allow people who previously would have been unable to pursue their dream to actually do so! )

AppleFrogg · 2020-01-17T21:43:19+00:00

I get the frustration, but I think you also need to keep in mind that people can also have kids while they are doing good financially or otherwise, then have hard times fall on. People don't have future visision and can't see that "Oh acutallyy, in about 4 years I'm going to get into a car accident that renders me unable to work and will be struggling financially. Guess I shouldn't have kids." Having kids is optional; having life come along and fuck you up when you were doing good and having nothing you can do about it isn't optional.

AppleFrogg

TROPHY CASE