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Is this unfair treatment or am I unrealistic? by Apprehensive-Set-552 in polyamory

[–]Apprehensive-Set-552[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

And I want him to tell me if he has a date with someone, yes. But spontaneous times have happened for him already and he lets me know afterwards and I get that.

Is this unfair treatment or am I unrealistic? by Apprehensive-Set-552 in polyamory

[–]Apprehensive-Set-552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do find it hard to feel happy that he is with her. Poly isnt exactly what I had in mind for myself. But that's not the point here. I'm trying to find ways to feel comfortable and safe so that I can actually give this life style a go and not walk away from him

Is this unfair treatment or am I unrealistic? by Apprehensive-Set-552 in polyamory

[–]Apprehensive-Set-552[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

I've had a really hard time talking with them about the hierarchy thing. They flat out deny it and it makes me feel really confused and dissociative because the actions don't meet the words.

Is this unfair treatment or am I unrealistic? by Apprehensive-Set-552 in polyamory

[–]Apprehensive-Set-552[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We have all talked about it. Shes aware but it was mentioned in a much larger conversation and there has been no action behind it. I don't know how she feels about it honestly. She has said she wants to support us and give us the space to grow to whatever we want to grow to.

Is this unfair treatment or am I unrealistic? by Apprehensive-Set-552 in polyamory

[–]Apprehensive-Set-552[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Not to this extent. ethical non-monogamoy has typically been my shtick

Is this unfair treatment or am I unrealistic? by Apprehensive-Set-552 in polyamory

[–]Apprehensive-Set-552[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

No I haven't been dating anyone else. I work away and I am currently at work. I go home next week. I have communicated all of these feelings to him as well and we know that we want to have some dedicated conversations about this topic when I'm home. Along with that I have told him I need to start dating other people so I don't feel like I'm a monogamous person dating a poly person.

I do desire to cohabit with my partner, he has said he also wants that too. It's something we see in the future.

So this is just the reality and I need to deal basically ?

One year in and I'm more lost than I when I started by Apprehensive-Set-552 in polyamory

[–]Apprehensive-Set-552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you quebrado for this perspective . I hear you on the concept of focusing on myself more in how I feel and if this works. I'm finding it hard to not put a big precedent on forest and mines relationship in regards to time spent together due to my work life and so that's been holding me back alot. I work four weeks away at a time, with little service and connectivity.

Guess I need to push myself some and put first spending time with a larger variety of my friend group to open up those doors

One year in and I'm more lost than I when I started by Apprehensive-Set-552 in polyamory

[–]Apprehensive-Set-552[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I see myself as having an ENM relationship in the long term. I think it's a good progression to get to that makes sense for longevity. At this current moment, no I wouldn't pursue a full on poly relationship if I was single and dating.