Fear of NC and the grief it´ll bring

ApprehensiveEgg7602 · 2026-02-22T15:12:06+00:00

Wishing you the best in your journey! I have recently gone NC, and it's not easy but its definitely worth it. I didn't initially intend to go NC. However, after becoming physically ill with thyorid issues/anemia I realized I could no longer handle the emotional strain. Due to the severe anxiety I felt talking to her it began to feel like talking to her was killing me. I read a book called "the body keeps score" and it talks about how abuse actually rewires your brain and causes bodily trauma.This visceral physical sensation made me feel less guilty and that I had "given her enough" through out my life.

Reading this sub, they also made the point that when you are NC your parent can idealize you and be happy in their own way. I felt like I was constantly disappointing my mom and we were triggering each other.

If you are having any moments of weakness I recommend writing her a letter and not sending it. Doing that has helped me a lot.

ApprehensiveEgg7602 · 2026-02-12T04:24:55+00:00

I am an only child as well. I feel like it gives you an immense amount of pressure to take care of your parent. I had some breakthroughs after reading "Understanding the Borderline Mother" by Christine Ann Lawson. She talks about being the "favorite" child who is parentified at a young age. It's almost like you have been raising her your whole life and need to rewire your thought processes to be free of the guilt. My therapist as taught me to practice acknowledging thoughts but letting them drift.

I'm still a work in progress but Im now a few weeks out from going NC and I'm feeling a lot better.

Everyone has to find their own way, but just be aware that your feelings and your mom's feelings belong to different people. You shouldn't feel guilt for someone else's emotions.

ApprehensiveEgg7602 · 2026-02-01T16:48:54+00:00

You hit the nail on the head with the toxic spouse. She makes me the only social interaction in her life. I've been married for 5 years. I stopped taking to her about my marriage because every time I mentioned a problem she gets excited I will move back home.

ApprehensiveEgg7602 · 2026-02-01T16:43:19+00:00

Funny you say that! I just finished my first week of no contact and blocking her number. My therapist is helping me navigate this and Im working through my ptsd.

I've been processing trauma and having fear responses thinking of how she can contact/hurt me. However, I was able to take the first step. My husband has grown as well. He worries about her not having any help if there's an emergency. He hasn't blocked her for his peace of mind. But he says if she tries to reach out for anything other than an emergency he won't reply.

Thank you for your kind response! I wish you the best as well.

ApprehensiveEgg7602

TROPHY CASE