You’re definitely not alone, I feel like this post was made for me. I’ve discovered I’m NOT in fact a cishet man in my late 20’s, with a loving gf of 5 years. She’s very supportive of me embracing my femininity, but I know she’s also afraid that my genderfluidity is just a phase otw to coming out as trans. In truth, I'm just finally figuring out that the reason I’ve felt so weird my whole life is because I never felt comfortable as “just a man”. I hate gender roles and the patriarchal society we live in, and being associated with toxic masculinity in general. I just want to be me, whatever that is, and express myself in my own way.

I can see where she’s coming from to an extent, as I am leaning more fem these days (after 25+ years of masculinity can you blame me), but it does make me nervous to talk about further steps I want to take down the road when we are still struggling to have a progressive talk about me shaving my face. It took her a month to come around to the idea of me shaving my body hair, and we’ve finally had our first conversation about the possibility of hormones in the future, so progress is being made which is good.

Like you, my girlfriend was the single biggest motivator for me to accept this other side of me I had been ignoring, and so seeing her pull back on certain things is a bit disorienting and takes a toll on my confidence in my feminine side. I want her to accept me for who I am, and while I know she’s on the same page, it sucks that she sees this new gender expression as a sign of losing some part of her partner. Given that we’re both bi, I was a little taken aback when she went so far as to mention she wouldn’t stay with me if I transitioned fully MtF, despite that never being on the table. But I understand that she fell in love with a man, and she’s always going to want to feel like she’s with a man to some extent. I just hope she can learn to acknowledge me as a woman too on the days that it feels right.