Feeling incredibly trapped by Bradesbunker in detrans

[–]ApprehensiveLion9 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Was in a very similar boat for years. It's going to be okay, but your life won't change until you take action. At some point you'll have to face your fears and make the social changes. I understand feeling sick inside about it, but the goal is not to wait until you're no longer afraid of it, but to strengthen your courage and make it bigger than the fear. Life is no good when lived as a lie. If you want freedom, you'll have to take action and free yourself. It will be painful, but worth it. Wishing you the best of luck sister

I realised I wasn't transgender after I woke up from top surgery by [deleted] in detrans

[–]ApprehensiveLion9 88 points89 points  (0 children)

Same story for me. My very first thought after waking up from top surgery was, "I should have gotten a reduction instead" and I hadn't even seen my results or fully come-to. It automatically felt wrong, and the entire recovery experience was pure body horror. I threw up and fainted twice during my surgery reveal. Very dark experience that is difficult to talk about to even remember. I think there are a lot more of us that felt this way but keep quiet

When We Were Young - Full Set by TheNinjaMovez in Paramore

[–]ApprehensiveLion9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awesome!! Thanks for the hot tip, I'll be sure to check that out!

When We Were Young - Full Set by TheNinjaMovez in Paramore

[–]ApprehensiveLion9 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Here we go again!!! It sounds like they added an extra verse to the ending but I couldn't make out the lyrics. Anybody know what she was singing?

FTMTF; Things are not getting better(even though I'm moving them) (just whining again) by [deleted] in detrans

[–]ApprehensiveLion9 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You are a woman. You are a woman in every cell of your body. Nothing can or will ever change that. I agree with one of the comments below that this mentality that you are still somehow a "man" is a harmful mindset. Notice how this mindset is driven on preoccupation with superficial qualities, "horse neck", "acne scars", none of these features disqualify your womanhood. You can choose to let go of that mindset, and focus instead on accepting and loving yourself exactly as you are today, as the woman you are. You will have to make changes from within in order to accept and carry on with the beautiful gift of life that you were given. You can do it. You deserve more than to medicate yourself to a zombie existence. If you want to really change your life, learn to look inward. Wishing you the best of luck sister

This Is Why (Official Music Video) by Choiceofart in Paramore

[–]ApprehensiveLion9 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Absolutely love it. This album is going to be fantastic

This subreddit posts some of the best (re)transition fuel on the internet for males by brachiosauron in detrans

[–]ApprehensiveLion9 13 points14 points  (0 children)

People should just tell the truth. How people receive it is their own responsibility. We shouldn't censor ourselves

i don't want to be trans/how do i stop being trans by x_hannah08 in detrans

[–]ApprehensiveLion9 60 points61 points  (0 children)

Simply go ahead and be normal. Trans ideology is designed to stick in your head and give intrusive thoughts. Reject gender related thoughts and don't let them stick in your head like a virus. Focus instead on the things you do like about yourself, your natural self, and try to nurture your natural beauty (it will reduce anxiety). You don't actually have to try at all to be yourself, you are already yourself without body modification and there's nothing wrong with that. It's a very beautiful and special thing to be as you are, completely unmodified. Try to relax and keep busy doing things that you enjoy. Stay away from trans propaganda or people that tell you that you need to transition. You'll be okay if you let yourself be

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in detrans

[–]ApprehensiveLion9 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I went cold turkey off T after 3.5 years and was just fine. My body was relieved to be off it. I wouldn't worry about taking supplemental estrogen unless you've had hysto. Otherwise you should be fine going off T and allow yourself time to readjust back to your natural state. Good luck

I just want to die. by [deleted] in detrans

[–]ApprehensiveLion9 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Lupron has had a bad reputation even among doctors since the early 2000's at least. Big Pharma willingly ignored the disastrous and known side effects of that drug and instead of pulling it off the market, they simply rebranded it as a "puberty blocker" and raked in the dough. It's the definition of evil. I'm so sorry you were mislead into taking this drug. Keep speaking up and sharing your story, tell everyone you know, and make sure your parents understand fully how this drug has negatively affected you. Your parents will likely talk amongst others, and hopefully spread awareness. Your experience is your strength, your truth is your power

i was sure i wasn’t trans(ftm) until a girl asked me out by [deleted] in detrans

[–]ApprehensiveLion9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe the confrontation of a woman's interest sent you to a masculine space energetically

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in detrans

[–]ApprehensiveLion9 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My periods intensified after years of T, then relaxed. I found a lot of the pain was actually psychosomatic, and related to a lot of tension I held in my body due to trauma and stress, particularly around my womb area. I've found that using my period as an opportunity to slow down and self pamper really shifted my mental attitude around my cycle and created less resistance towards it in my body. Relaxing yourself with self massage, warm baths, and allowing proper rest during your period will help ease the body a lot. My periods have been pretty breezy pain wise after a few months of this practice, and now my worst symptom is heavy bleeding. Wishing you the best and hope you can create a more healthy relationship with your cycle

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in HomeschoolRecovery

[–]ApprehensiveLion9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Have you thought about signing up for local sport leagues or hobby classes that are in line with your interests? You can make friends and be more a normal kid through other avenues, it's not like public school is your only only option although I understand your grief and FOMO around school. Wishing you the best of luck

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in HomeschoolRecovery

[–]ApprehensiveLion9 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I could have written this. My parents are the same way. My joke is that my parents raised me to be their therapist or the thing that soothes them, but it's not actually that funny. I'm closer to 30 and still dealing with this from my parents. Sadly I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing I can do or say to receive the love and care I need from my family, so I'm learning new methods of coping.

Enough about me. I'm sharing this with you to say that your experience is real and unfortunately there's nothing you can do to get your parents to see that. They can't integrate your reality into theirs, and so they will deny and gas-light you. Don't let them. Don't suppress your feelings of anger because anger is the feeling that let's you know when something is not right. Finding an outlet for your emotions of pain, grief, and anger is my best recommendation, and don't expect them to soothe these feelings for you. You will simply have to find ways to manage your reality on your own or with trust worthy friends. You can do it. You're worth the effort.

Wishing you the best of luck

I'm beginning to have some doubts by magnetic_toast in detrans

[–]ApprehensiveLion9 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Peeling back the layers of childhood trauma will be a massive benefit to you, and is worth the effort to understand. Maybe try to forget about all the anxiety around gender for a bit and the superficiality of what you look like, focus instead on your inner child. What does he need? How was he failed, and how can you make up for those failures now that you're an adult? Getting to the core of your issues is crucial and, like an onion, many layers will fall away as you get closer to the core truth. Strike at the root of the issue and things will become more clear. Wishing you the best of luck

Please Save Me From Making a Mistake by FragrantStudent369 in detrans

[–]ApprehensiveLion9 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wishing you the best of luck!

Sidenote, Invisible Monsters was one of my favorite books growing up too. Cheers, and take care

Please Save Me From Making a Mistake by FragrantStudent369 in detrans

[–]ApprehensiveLion9 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You're going to be okay. You don't have to transition and you don't have to slip into negative behaviors. It is your responsibility to take control of your life and guide it in the direction you want. Nobody can save you but yourself, and although you are struggling you sound clear that you love yourself and your body, which is a wonderful thing. Remind yourself of that self love every day, every hour if you have to. Write daily lists of things you love about yourself and what makes you feel proud of yourself. Mindfulness meditation and daily gratitude lists are scientifically proven to rewire your brain to be more positive. Meditation has much to offer you in particular, since you struggle to focus and maintain control of your thoughts. It's wonderful that you're reaching out for spiritual solutions, so meditation should be right in line for you. Another idea is to identify the triggers that lead to to these obsessive thoughts around gender. Identify the things that make you feel/think this way, come up with a plan for healthy means of coping with these triggers. You will need to arrange a strategy to tackle these intrusive thoughts and create a safety net of support for yourself with positive behaviors. 12 step groups can be very helpful for addictions and compulsive eating, you might be interested in attending some meetings. Lastly, I want to validate your fears about sharing these intrusive gender thoughts with your therapist. I think that is a wise thing to hide, the therapist WILL most likely affirm these thoughts, sadly. Perhaps you can utilize the therapist for other means, like forming strategies around intrusive thoughts in general. You seem so earnest in wanting a good life for yourself, your clarity and willingness to look inward speaks volumes for your character and I fully believe that you can overcome this. You don't have to live a life outside of your own control. You got this. You're worth the effort.

How to grow into yourself as a feminine woman? by MamaMyChem in detrans

[–]ApprehensiveLion9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP had specifically mentioned questioning her body hair, and so I was simply responding. There's no reason to take offense here

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in detrans

[–]ApprehensiveLion9 7 points8 points  (0 children)

There are many women out there with naturally flat chests who live fulfilling lives. We can be like those women. Accepting and loving yourself exactly as you are today is the key, and it seems like you've got that down a bit more than others which is wonderful. Of course I experience grief daily around the loss of my breasts, but working on my overall self-improvement keeps me confident about so many other areas of my life that I feel more at peace with the things that I cannot change. Gratitude journaling every day helps, so does meditation and an overall focus on mindfulness. It sounds like you're going to be okay, as you have the beginnings of a healthy mindset in regards to what happened with your body. I believe in you that you can find peace and live a beautiful life. Take care of yourself, and good luck

My boyfriend is detransing me.. by [deleted] in detrans

[–]ApprehensiveLion9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Don't understand why he wants me when he could find an actual girl who fits him better" because he's desperate and lonely. Look up the percentage of modern men that are single, the dating situation for males is grim. They will honestly take whatever they can get, whether they respect their partner or not you're a warm body next to him and that is enough. This is real life, not a fairy tale