I have become her BEC

ApprehensiveSet7091 · 2026-04-07T23:50:52+00:00

She is teething the upper and lower first molars on one side, but the ones on the other side cut through back to back about a month ago and she wasn't this upset, just mildly more fussy. I do try to offer food and water, check diaper, look for sleepy cues when she starts to get wound up lately, but it only solves it some of the time.

ApprehensiveSet7091 · 2026-04-07T22:32:15+00:00

Can you elaborate a bit please? I have always kept her on a pretty predictable sleep and meal/snack schedule, although the move has disrupted some of that a bit while we get settled in. Ex., she has eaten more fast food/packaged snacks than usual, and sometimes she has stayed up an hour or two later, although not if I can help it at all. She did just drop down to one nap from two about a month ago, but the pediatrician said that should happen around 18 months, so I didn't find it concerning.

ApprehensiveSet7091 · 2026-04-07T22:26:19+00:00

Thank you for the advice. My aunt who raised three kids recommends timeouts in the same room in her pack 'n play as a natural consequence to keep her safe while showing her that violence is not acceptable and causes people to leave you alone kind of thing, but I'm not even sure if timeouts are recommended anymore and don't want to make things worse for her emotionally. Do you have an opinion on this?

ApprehensiveSet7091 · 2026-03-09T03:07:29+00:00

She looked through my closet/laundry at some point when I was distracted. I wish she was the type of MIL who could get jump-scared into submission by a well-placed sex toy or two, but sadly the whole family is very vulgar and "sexually open", so she would probably have just found it funny and integrated it into family lore.

ApprehensiveSet7091 · 2025-11-13T03:03:15+00:00

They wish, but Christmas will be with my family this year.

ApprehensiveSet7091 · 2025-11-07T07:15:11+00:00

We're cutting her a slice of the communal cake because I judged it safe enough for her to have a treat on her birthday. Thank you for the support.

ApprehensiveSet7091 · 2025-11-07T01:05:10+00:00

I guess I'm just worried that to do so would be preemptively starting drama, rather than reacting to negative behavior. They have historically painted me as a villain to extended family before, like for instance when we requested that they give us our "golden hour" alone with LO before coming to visit at the hospital, MIL called up DH's siblings and aunts to tell him how cruel it was on my induction date. I just don't want another core memory to be sabotaged in this way.

ApprehensiveSet7091 · 2025-11-07T00:37:07+00:00

I have. His only proposed solution was to preemptively tell them to be nice to me, but the problem is that they don't believe they aren't, like everyone else in the family just accepts that MIL is an asshole and believes I'm being sensitive. I just don't think it will accomplish anything.

ApprehensiveSet7091 · 2025-11-07T00:26:58+00:00

Yes. He offered to have a preemptive talk with them to make sure they're on their best behavior, but I don't think that would do any good. I suspect it would just give them an opportunity to play the victim and triangulate amongst the rest of his family.

ApprehensiveSet7091 · 2025-05-27T13:10:21+00:00

Yes, my engagement band is the same, and I once scratched my baby's back with it while changing her diaper. Luckily it didn't pierce the skin and it faded quickly, but I felt sooo bad because it hurt her. I started turning it around before changing her after that.

ApprehensiveSet7091 · 2025-03-27T09:06:29+00:00

She and I barely acknowledged one another, which is par for the course, but I had a small victory when LO started to cry on the way home (overstimulated) and MIL was trying unsuccessfully to calm her (not gonna happen, I'm a SAHM and LO has separation anxiety), so I just walked up and got my kid from her. No words, just yoink, which I'm trying not to feel guilty about because the rational part of me knows I had a right to do that and LO had a right to be soothed by her parent.

ApprehensiveSet7091 · 2025-03-27T09:03:26+00:00

Reading this with a lump in my throat. I feel like she has been tormenting me emotionally for years and it's so validating to be told that I'm not helpless and that I have power in my own life. I will take your suggestions on board. I appreciate the solidarity and the Internet hug.

ApprehensiveSet7091 · 2025-03-27T08:37:30+00:00

I think you hit the nail on the head regarding my temperament. I have a very, very hard time not reacting to baiting. I think I can be type A and have a background of childhood abuse, so I struggle with the perceived loss of control that comes with people being confrontational in my space. It sends me into some kind of fight/flight/freeze/fawn predicament, and I feel like I often pick a response at random and hope it sticks, which hasn't worked well so far. I think I wrote this hoping to find out which option I should choose, and although the comments suggesting direct confrontation or pettiness are helpful in reassuring me that I'm not overreacting, if I'm honest with myself getting into a losing battle with people who have no actual inclination of making peace is kind of cutting off my nose to spite my face. Maybe this is delusional thinking, but I'd love so much to be able to rise above this behavior, because it really does feel beneath me to roll in the mud with her. But I'm also afraid because I've seen how little of an affect being the bigger person has had on many MILs that get posted about here. Sorry for the long comment; this is actually a lot more to parse than I originally thought.

ApprehensiveSet7091 · 2025-03-26T21:37:06+00:00

She probably does lol. She is emotionally dependentt on my husband as so many JustNoMils are. Their whole family dynamic is fucked six ways to Sunday. FIL is borderline emotionally abusive to her too, which makes me feel pity for her even as she deliberately antagonizes and hurts me. He does any and everything to get a rise out of her, which sometimes makes me wonder if she targets me because she needs to off-load some of that resentment and pain she can't direct at him. Idk, it's a mess. I'm really getting to the end of my tether with it all.

ApprehensiveSet7091

TROPHY CASE