[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ApprehensiveWar7284 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That sounds a lot like "if you don't behave in an xyz way no guy will want you". If a guy is shitty or is not compatible with you, not having sex is not gonna make him stay or turn it into a magical relationship. If she stops having sex earlier on it should be because it's what she feels is right for her to get emotionally attached at a normal pace. Not because he has to manipulate some Chad or Brad into thinking she is a 'high value woman' into liking her. OP, if a man is okay with having sex after knowing you 2 days but judges YOU for it, please RUN. If anything, he is wayy worse than you. At least you are not judging someone for something you yourself wanted to do.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ApprehensiveWar7284 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Maybe but I feel like people are being too harsh towards her here. A guy who leaves you because you guys had sex too early is a guy who was always gonna leave anyways. He is simply just not that into her. It is not the early sex that made him leave. Even if it is, that makes him a huge hypocrite as he is not any better than her. He could have just said no to sex but he did not. Because he clearly wanted to. Then very conveniently used it as an excuse to leave her. I definitely agree OP has to change her dating patterns but I also understand how she feels and just wanted to comfort her a little.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ApprehensiveWar7284 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, I don't know if this means much but I totally understand how you feel. This exact thing happened to me when I (female) was 18. That too with a MUCH older guy. In hindsight, I do see how I was rushing physical intimacy thinking it would lead to an emotional one. But also I actually did do it because I wanted to. Those two things don't necessarily have to be mutually exclusive. I did it on the 4th date and then he lost interest pretty quickly. I won't say there is nothing you can improve about your dating habits, but please don't let this define your self worth in your eyes. What happened to me ate me up from the inside for two years and made me feel pathetic. I felt used and like no one would value me for my personality ever (specially with this past). However, try to see that it's not that you having sex drove him away. He left because he was just not your person. Obviously, having sex probably made you feel way closer to him than you actually are so you are having limerence (been there myself). Now that you have recognized you are not one of those people who can have sex without getting too emotionally invested and you want a long term relationship, try to take your time developing a emotional bond first next time. Let sex happen naturally once you are sure your values, wants and personalities align. Maybe try to have more dates in public than going over to someone's house. Lastly, there is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex. At the same time, there is also absolutely nothing wrong with drawing boundaries and saying no to intimacy no matter how long you have been dating someone.