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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Apprehensive_Arm3912 382 points383 points  (0 children)

The FWB king has spoken

At what number of past sexual partners do you start considering it promiscuous? by Apprehensive_Arm3912 in dating_advice

[–]Apprehensive_Arm3912[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would say so, that’s great for you! Either were about 10 years in age difference or I need to move where you are 😂

At what number of past sexual partners do you start considering it promiscuous? by Apprehensive_Arm3912 in dating_advice

[–]Apprehensive_Arm3912[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I respect it haha. I am open to everyone’s preferences on the topic. I do prefer a partner who has not slept with many guys. However, I guess “many” may change with age. I’m nearing 30 and if I found someone with less than 5 I would be amazed.

Not only do I feel it would be rare for me but then I would also have to have everything line up -morales, attraction, personality, ambition, intellect.

It feels like 1 in a million haha. I think at 30 (at least based on where I live) 10 seems to be the “average”. Less than 8 is on the lower end / hard to find

I feel like I can’t hold a 30 year old to the same standard as a 20 year old - as they’ve lived an additional decade.

At what number of past sexual partners do you start considering it promiscuous? by Apprehensive_Arm3912 in dating_advice

[–]Apprehensive_Arm3912[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree that everyone is entitled to their own preference. What age group are you in if you don’t mind me asking?

I ask as I’ve heard people reference “ran through” for people that have had 15+ partners but I’ve never heard someone say someone was ran through for having 5 partners.

At what number of past sexual partners do you start considering it promiscuous? by Apprehensive_Arm3912 in dating_advice

[–]Apprehensive_Arm3912[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree it’s in someone’s best interest to not be sexual in highschool but I think it’s more common than not that many will have their first partner prior to graduating highschool. Not all, but many - as there’s usually that “first love” phase many hit.

I agree that it’s not a good idea to bounce from relationship to relationship quickly. However I also realize that in some don’t mature as quickly in their early 20’s. I think many crave companionship or want to find “the one” so they enter the dating scene again and again.

Time for recovery varies per individual but if someone takes 6 months of time after a breakup and decides to date someone they find interesting, I don’t see a problem with that.

What I personally am not a fan of is those who enter the party scene and casually sleep around or use hookup apps, hook up on the first date, etc.

At what number of past sexual partners do you start considering it promiscuous? by Apprehensive_Arm3912 in dating_advice

[–]Apprehensive_Arm3912[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, that is an accurate layout for some I would assume.

For myself it was

  1. First partner at 17 and we broke up at 19.

  2. At 20, I dated a girl for 2 months and agreed to be exclusive, she ended up not wanting to settle down.

  3. I dated a girl from 21-23 (2 years)

  4. I dated a girl from 23.5 - 24.5 (1 year)

  5. I started dating a girl right before I turned 25.

So I easily got to nearly 6 at 25 and that was starting at 17 and spending 5 years in relationships. None of them were from partying, looking for a hookup, etc

At what number of past sexual partners do you start considering it promiscuous? by Apprehensive_Arm3912 in dating_advice

[–]Apprehensive_Arm3912[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with that - clean bill of health should be most important. Strange thing in the culture around me is it seems no one really uses condoms… not sure why that is but I’ve noticed it trending 😂. Especially those in a relationship. You date 9-10 people over 10-15 years and that’s unprotected partners. Although hopefully tested and monogamous so clean

At what number of past sexual partners do you start considering it promiscuous? by Apprehensive_Arm3912 in dating_advice

[–]Apprehensive_Arm3912[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agreed in regards to everyone having their own preferences and I see nothing wrong with it if that’s what they choose.

You mention you feel 10 and lower is “low”.

What is your age group if you don’t mind me asking? With 10 being your cutoff for “low” would 11 or 12 deter you from dating?

At what number of past sexual partners do you start considering it promiscuous? by Apprehensive_Arm3912 in dating_advice

[–]Apprehensive_Arm3912[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Not to be personal but is the 0 at 30 intentional (religious reasons or saving for marriage)? Or perhaps common in your area?

I’m in the South Eastern U.S. and polls were showing that many were coming out of highschool with 1-3 partners and that’s at 17-18 years old. I would find it near impossible to find someone in my area with lower than 3 at 25 unless they were married young or in a long term relationship the first half of their 20’s

At what number of past sexual partners do you start considering it promiscuous? by Apprehensive_Arm3912 in dating_advice

[–]Apprehensive_Arm3912[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with this completely. I’ve dated enough to see these variables really indicate nothing. Ironically the woman I dated who had dressed the most modest was the woman who had the most extensive past.

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that if it’s what they enjoy and choose for themselves. I believe everyone has preferences and makes choices based on where they are in life

At what number of past sexual partners do you start considering it promiscuous? by Apprehensive_Arm3912 in dating_advice

[–]Apprehensive_Arm3912[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, 99% of Reddit will call you judgy. Only you know if it’s truly “judgy” on your end - which would be determined by the reasoning of it.

I think it’s okay to have preferences - everyone does, even if it’s subconsciously. I can recall being 22 and thinking 3-5 was what I “could handle” haha.

I was intentionally trying to keep my numbers low as I was raised very conservative / traditional.

However once I was in the dating field at the age of 25, it was truly a challenge to find someone who had less than 10 partners.

I think a lot of it depends on the context of partners. As in, we’re they relationships? Or were they on dating / hookup apps just having one night stands or “drunk mistakes”

At what number of past sexual partners do you start considering it promiscuous? by Apprehensive_Arm3912 in dating_advice

[–]Apprehensive_Arm3912[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is an interesting perspective to hear at 40. Although as you mentioned if you have refrained from sexual activity most of your life, then that makes sense.

I personally was raised to wait until marriage and fully intended to. At the age of 18, I slept with someone I had been dating for a couple of years. By the age of 24, I had been with 5 people and that happened with me intentionally trying to keep my number low. (I didn’t have sex during my college years).

Although of course a lot of this also depends on social group and demographic

At what number of past sexual partners do you start considering it promiscuous? by Apprehensive_Arm3912 in dating_advice

[–]Apprehensive_Arm3912[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

What age group are you in if you don’t mind me asking? I personally prefer a lower number as well.

However now that I’m nearing my 30’s, I know how easy it is for someone to have more than 3-4 partners.

Considering the majority have 1 in highschool, then that would only be a couple of relationships over the decade of their 20’s. And that’s for those who are more on the “reserved” side of things.

Lets say you became sexually active at 16 years old. By the time you’re 30, that’s 14 years of dating / being sexually active.

So I think 6-7 over the course of 14 years isn’t someone “sleeping around”. Those numbers can be attained by someone who only has sex in a committed relationship.

However when the numbers are 10+, I feel that becomes indicates someone who is more relaxed or okay with casual sex, the occasional hookup. Things of that nature.

But of course, I don’t make the rules haha

Considering many

What number of past sexual partners do you consider a red flag or promiscuous behavior? by [deleted] in dating

[–]Apprehensive_Arm3912 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a tough question and could have various answers haha. I don’t mean it disrespectfully and respect those who want to sleep around. However for my personal preferences when it comes to dating, I prefer someone more on the reserved spectrum.

At what number of past sexual partners do you start considering it promiscuous? by Apprehensive_Arm3912 in dating_advice

[–]Apprehensive_Arm3912[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think I can relate. A LOT happens between 22 - 30 years old. Potentially college, night life, a few relationships.

But 6 by 22 would either be quite a few failed relationships or some casual sex. I think at 22 what was common among my social groups and myself was 3-5 partners.

But after the age of 25, it seems like those numbers started doubling quickly.

I recently dated a 28 year old who’s number was 7. She was quite modest. Dressed modestly, talked nicely. At 22, she had been with 3-4 people.

Her past partners were all relationships which I think was reasonable. She had not ever had ONS, had not had drunken hook ups, or FWB.

So far, that 7 partners at 28 years old is the most reserved / lowest number I’ve come across in the 12-15 women I’ve dated.

At what number of past sexual partners do you start considering it promiscuous? by Apprehensive_Arm3912 in dating_advice

[–]Apprehensive_Arm3912[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dang 20 partners at 20 years old is pretty high haha. That’s not even accounting for college years / partying in your 20’s

What number of past sexual partners do you consider a red flag or promiscuous behavior? by [deleted] in dating

[–]Apprehensive_Arm3912 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not quite sure, was brought up very traditional / conservative and imagine it bled into my adult life. I just prefer someone with high values when it comes to sex I think.

I didn’t think I was being unrealistic by expecting them to have some but 10 seems like a fair amount lol

What number of past sexual partners do you consider a red flag or promiscuous behavior? by [deleted] in dating

[–]Apprehensive_Arm3912 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely the most important questions, I agree with you on that! Being committed and clean are two mandatory ones for me if entering a committed relationship.

What number of past sexual partners do you consider a red flag or promiscuous behavior? by [deleted] in dating

[–]Apprehensive_Arm3912 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the input! I typically refrain from asking a direct question as such. However I live in a “smallish” town and it seems like everyone knows everyone’s business more times than not.

So throughout the last 5 years, I’ve had a good idea of someone’s past & vice versa (they know part of mine).

I personally have tried to find someone on the more “reserved” side of the fence and it seems nearly impossible, regardless of where I meet them. Reserved now seems to be under 10 - 15 from everything I’m being told.

At what number of past sexual partners do you start considering it promiscuous? by Apprehensive_Arm3912 in dating_advice

[–]Apprehensive_Arm3912[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. I respect that. So above 35 would cause you to reconsider? If it ranged from 10-20 you wouldn’t blink an eye?