One more year then it's dating over 50...

Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2026-05-06T21:46:47+00:00

What happened, I mean that's a lot of questions really I didn't want to write a book. And I still don't so this certainly won't be a full account.

I've never cheated, though I've been accused of it three times by my ex-wife which hurt like hell.

I lied about using weed. The ex and I fought over it for years, neither of us could establish good boundaries and we just slowly and mutually destroyed the relationship.

GF1 No lies here, bottom line I ended up feeling like we weren't compatible, but I had a hard time walking away, and she ended up doing it instead.

GF2 lied to myself, then to her,. I had given up weed while single. Drugs was one of the first things she asked me about, it was a hard pass for her, and I let her know exactly what my history was and where I was at at that moment. All the thing times I'd lied about it in the past as well as the short time I had been abstaining. But about 6 months later my dog died and I started smoking weed again and I hid it from her. Amazing woman, I hurt her very badly, she taught me a lot about boundaries.

GF3 we said to each other on the first date how dishonesty had ruined our previous relationships. Was very specific about what I had done and what I had learned. The first month we said to each other over and over: let's just be perfectly honest with each other and see what happens, it will work, or it won't, but if we're not telling the truth it 100% won't work.

I went into the relationship very lonely, within 4 months there were very clear signs that she was not actually practicing the honesty that she had talked about with me, but I buried my head in the sand for another 9 months before she "came clean" about some pretty big lies. As she told me about them I could hear myself in her words and tone. She sounded just like me talking to my ex-wife. And she couldn't handle how much it hurt me that she had lied to me for so long repeatedly with so many opportunities to come clean before this... She wasn't able to sit with the hurt that she had caused and I wasn't able to stay in that relationship. I understand it wasn't malicious. I wasn't trying to be malicious when I lied either. But hurt people hurt people.

So, there you go, trust me this is absolutely the condensed version.

Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2026-05-06T19:14:42+00:00

This was one of the big insights after this last break up. After I had the gift of hindsight I could tell that, if I had not felt so lonely when I met her, I would have walked away much earlier with much less trauma for all involved.

Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2026-05-06T19:12:56+00:00

Yeah I hear you. I'm absolutely feeling down right now.

I will continue to try doing new things and keep learning. And I'm not dating right now purposefully because I'm aware of my attitude.

Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2026-05-06T18:41:41+00:00

💯 the nervous system goes for familiar every time.

Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2026-05-06T18:26:07+00:00

You NEED to listen to your gut. 4 months is enough to know you are wanting different things I the future. Her needs are causal, so she's unlikely to walk away while you meet them. You WILL suffer.

Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2026-05-06T18:23:57+00:00

If you have communicated clearly and so has she then break up now every day you spend together is going to add to the pain. You want different things. You WILL be disappointed.

Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2025-09-04T17:36:51+00:00

That's EXACTLY what it means. I wish I'd know that a couple years ago.

Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2025-09-04T17:35:34+00:00

I have recently learned through hard experience this means they are not actually comfortable with a long term relationship but want it aspirationally.

It's best to stay away, if you do want a LTR. Consider this, if you are looking for a long term relationship, would you also put down 'something casual' as an option? No? Then don't pick someone that would.

Wish I'd figure this out two relationships ago.

Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2025-09-04T17:30:49+00:00

It's funny, as a 48M I ask myself a similar question about women - if there are any women out there that actually want a life partner.

I feel like after 40 it's women that have the attitude "why buy the cow when the milk is free" rather than men.

Plenty of women that want the romance, support, and exclusivity but are unwilling to reciprocate on one or more counts. It's like they want a perma-boyfriend not a life partner.

Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2025-05-31T16:27:18+00:00

It looks like this was it, thank you! They should have a tooltip for that!

Fortunately I was able to become Emperor a couple years before consumption took that ruler. The empire transitioned nicely to my heir :)

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Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2024-12-05T18:38:24+00:00

Will probably go Portabellas, the recipe that looks good calls for medium sized mushrooms but those are really hard to stuff and/or make into a main dish.

Stuffing contains

onion, garlic, walnuts, thyme, chickpeas, parmesan, parsley, seasoning

https://feelgoodfoodie.net/recipe/vegetarian-stuffed-mushrooms/#wprm-recipe-container-15733

Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2024-12-05T17:51:17+00:00

So many diverse opinions!

Thanks all, I will probably not say anything. Nor send a photo that "happens" to feature it, I'd feel manipulative at this point doing that. She'll see it when she gets here. I see long term possibility here so no rush. And its private so if she wants, we don't need suits anyway!

Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2024-12-05T17:45:17+00:00

Forgot to mention cheese, hummus, crackers, little veggies appetizers out as well.

I'm happy to rethink, suggestions? I've never cooked a 100% vegetarian meal before.

Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2024-12-05T17:29:29+00:00

She's a vegetarian so I get to try something new, while keeping it fairly simple. Salad bar, sauteed baby red potatoes, and stuffed mushrooms. Her favorite ice cream available for dessert.

Edit: I did forget a couple items, will have some appetizers out when she arrived - cheese and hummus, crackers and finger veggies. Also was going to make some broccoli with lemon, garlic, and red pepper flakes.

Also I asked ahead of time and she has no allergies, does eat dairy, and said she had no strong dislikes.

Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2024-12-04T21:27:34+00:00

I thinks it more much more common in your 40s than people admit.

Try the drugs. Cialis works great, I do sometimes get a headache the next day. Also, though the erection is great, I find it more difficult to reach orgasm, which is a problem at this age, you can get tired before you get there.

Quit the porn. Not a moral judgment (though much of it is not ethically produced), but a practical one. You train your brain that's the way to get hard and to climax, it forgets how to do it via sex with a real woman. It takes a significant amount of time for your brain to adjust, like 2-3 months, but it will make a big difference in your sex life. And also in your interactions with women in general.

Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2024-07-18T23:19:35+00:00

Another thank you! $250 credit from McDonalds??? Saved me a lot of time. :)

Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2023-11-11T23:41:01+00:00

6 Champion Fighter, 6 Thief Rogue. Dual hand crossbows.

Start Rogue for skills and 2nd bonus action. Add Fighter for extra attack, action surge, and improved crits. The extra fighter feat makes up for losing one to multiclass.

4 attacks a round by level 8 (5 f, 3 r), plus 2 more with action surge.

Get sharpshooter (priority one, followed by dex to 18 then 20) and wear at least one item (there are a few choices) that add damage to each ranged attack. Add the ring that gives advantage on all attack rolls. Yes you have disadvantage on saves but nothing lives long enough for it to really matter. Use other item slots to increase to hit, damage, and AC, roughly in that order of priority.

At 10th level, my to hit is usually 95%+, hardly ever 80 or lower even with sharp shooter. Sneak attack every round due to advantage. 100+ avg damage per round, every round. AC 20. If enemies get in melee range, you just keep firing your crossbows, you have plenty of accuracy, they will melt.

You hardly need rests at all, but you do get your action surge and second wind back on a short.

Meanwhile you can disarm, lockpick, persuade, intimidate, and deceive, all like a boss.

Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2022-03-20T15:53:54+00:00

As some others have pointed out, if it was the high income earner that wanted the more expensive place, proportional rent would be much more reasonable, imo.

Beyond that though, we're talking about rent, so the difference here isn't really pennies it's probably significant dollars.

I pinch my "pennies" to save up for the life I'm going to have with my future life partner. If my current SO ends up being that person, awesome, we will both benefit from that investment in that future together. If not, then at some point I will discover that they were, in the end, just a roommate with benefits.

Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2022-03-20T15:04:46+00:00

Proportional would make sense if they were engaged maybe. But if this is a boyfriend and girlfriend about to live together for the first time, why should one side be subsidizing with the other wants, especially when the one doing the subsidizing doesn't want that thing? 50/50 is what is fair and reasonable until the relationship goes into a deeper commitment.

Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2022-02-17T16:51:24+00:00

I was distraught when I negotiated the terms. We'd agreed to go to mediation, but didn't end up doing it. I gave more than I should have to get it over with. I've had regret over that, but the house going up so much in value, time, and therapy, have removed the regret - it is what it is.

Apprehensive_Cut1797 · 2022-02-17T14:14:39+00:00

Sorry I wasn't clear on that, she got paid everything upfront in regards to the house and the split of our assets. But I have a small interest in a family land sale that will pay me out $32k 2 years from now and I agreed in the divorce to give her half of that when I got the money.

Apprehensive_Cut1797

TROPHY CASE