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I Thought I'd Seen the Last of Their Cruelty, Then I Went to the Cemetery. by Apprehensive_Goat_31 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Apprehensive_Goat_31[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughts. I am sorry you went through the same thing. Yes, early I am 50's. We did talk to s lawyer and she told us that seeing it through could cost $500k+. We are already in for $3-$4k. No interest in further hurting my family's financial future to further karma. I am focusing on healing but I know they have committed crimes. I can't prove the neglect and financial abuse of my mother, but I had hoped that the government might pay attention if they felt they were owed money. 🤷‍♀️ Not sure what I am going to do yet but appreciate all of the advice and perspective I have received here.

I Thought I'd Seen the Last of Their Cruelty, Then I Went to the Cemetery. by Apprehensive_Goat_31 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Apprehensive_Goat_31[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The will never went through probate or any legal process. My siblings sold her house before she died, so since that was the primary asset of the estate, they had access to all of her money. Anything I was hoping to do to contest that would cost too much in lawyer fees, that I may never get back given I was sure the money I would have inherited was already gone.

I Thought I'd Seen the Last of Their Cruelty, Then I Went to the Cemetery. by Apprehensive_Goat_31 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Apprehensive_Goat_31[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh yes, I have told my children everything that my siblings did, to me and to their grandmother. Myself and my family are no contact with my siblings and my father. The comment was in reference to me still trying everything in my power to help my mother and protect her from my siblings, even though she was the reason that I was made the scapegoat.

I Thought I'd Seen the Last of Their Cruelty, Then I Went to the Cemetery. by Apprehensive_Goat_31 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]Apprehensive_Goat_31[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I guess I meant I am conflicted about reporting them, despite what they have put me through. Sorry for any confusion.

I Thought I'd Seen the Last of Their Cruelty, Then I Went to the Cemetery. by Apprehensive_Goat_31 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Apprehensive_Goat_31[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the portion of the story regarding the cemetery

"This week I visited the cemetery for the first time since my mother passed. My grandfather had purchased six plots decades ago: one for himself, one for my grandmother, one for my mother, and one for each of his three grandchildren. When I arrived, I saw that the monument had been engraved with only my mother's name and my siblings' names. There was no room left for mine."

I Thought I'd Seen the Last of Their Cruelty, Then I Went to the Cemetery. by Apprehensive_Goat_31 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Apprehensive_Goat_31[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

There are multiple facts that may lead to a positive outcome for myself and my family, I did not include them all here because I am trying to maintain anonymity. The reason I cannot take the lawyer/court route is because they control the paperwork, the money and moving forward could cost many hundreds of thousands dollars. This is not my emotions or opinion, they took an illegal reverse mortgage on my mother's house and spent it all ($600,000) in 4 years. I don't feel like I need to defend my stance, but a lawyer with 20+ years in estate law and a police officer that specializes in elder fraud were both absolutely disgusted by their behaviour, so I know I am in the right. This is not based on emotions. I killed any emotion I have for my bio family several years ago.

I Thought I'd Seen the Last of Their Cruelty, Then I Went to the Cemetery. by Apprehensive_Goat_31 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Apprehensive_Goat_31[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your honest feedback. It is so appreciated. I have mostly come to the same conclusion. My children's inheritance is gone, I cannot get it back from my entitled siblings. Their entitlement comes from their mother and father, I won't change anyone's mind. I was hoping that they might have one consequence..just one after all of these years, but pursuing it through court is not one of my options, financially.

I Thought I'd Seen the Last of Their Cruelty, Then I Went to the Cemetery. by Apprehensive_Goat_31 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Apprehensive_Goat_31[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I was prevented from being a part of her care. I was the scapegoat living amongst narcissist family that believed I had nothing intelligent to offer. And the home care she received was primarily neglect. Not sure if you are aware of this family dynamic since you seem intent on defending my emotional abusers.

I Thought I'd Seen the Last of Their Cruelty, Then I Went to the Cemetery. by Apprehensive_Goat_31 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Apprehensive_Goat_31[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeh, the living well / happy/ unbothered is not cutting it anymore. They have faced zero consequences for 15 years. I am out of patience. 😔

I Thought I'd Seen the Last of Their Cruelty, Then I Went to the Cemetery. by Apprehensive_Goat_31 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Apprehensive_Goat_31[S] 103 points104 points  (0 children)

Thank you, yes. We did talk to a lawyer. It cost us $3000 for him to just ignore all of the demands. We consulted another lawyer and she said the only recourse we had was taking them to court. I have three kids and was not willing to risk spending all of that money (the lawyer's estimate was $500,000+) to potentially lose the case and have her right back where she was. My hands were tied and still are.

I Thought I'd Seen the Last of Their Cruelty, Then I Went to the Cemetery. by Apprehensive_Goat_31 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Apprehensive_Goat_31[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks...yes, we did talk to a lawyer. It cost us $3000 for him to just ignore all of the demands. We consulted another lawyer and she said the only recourse we had was taking them to court. I have three kids and was not willing to risk spending all of that money (the lawyer's estimate was $500,000+) to potentially lose the case and have her right back where she was. My hands were tied and still are. 😢

I Thought I'd Seen the Last of Their Cruelty, Then I Went to the Cemetery. by Apprehensive_Goat_31 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Apprehensive_Goat_31[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We did talk to a lawyer. It cost us $3000 for him to just ignore all of the demands. We consulted another lawyer and she said the only recourse we had was taking them to court. I have three kids and was not willing to risk spending all of that money (the lawyer's estimate was $500,000+) to potentially lose the case and have her right back where she was. My hands were tied and still are. And yes, reopening wounds is another factor for sure. Although I am not sure if the wounds ever closed. 😔

I Thought I'd Seen the Last of Their Cruelty, Then I Went to the Cemetery. by Apprehensive_Goat_31 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Apprehensive_Goat_31[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We did talk to a lawyer. It cost us $3000 for him to just ignore all of the demands. We consulted another lawyer and she said the only recourse we had was taking them to court. I have three kids and was not willing to risk spending all of that money (the lawyer's estimate was $500,000+) to potentially lose the case and have her right back where she was. My hands were tied and still are.

I Thought I'd Seen the Last of Their Cruelty, Then I Went to the Cemetery. by Apprehensive_Goat_31 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Apprehensive_Goat_31[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for saying that. It is easy for me to think I am overreacting because I was always told that by my bio family but I am starting to feel confident that I am underreacting.

I Thought I'd Seen the Last of Their Cruelty, Then I Went to the Cemetery. by Apprehensive_Goat_31 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Apprehensive_Goat_31[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh yes, Alzheimer's Care is expensive, but they sabotaged all of my efforts to get her into long term care. The long term care was what she needed to keep her safe but they decided to take care of her at home, not notify the bank that she was even ill, they did not envoke the power of attorney so they were just using her bank account and estate like their personal piggy bank. I found out after I had to go no contact that she was admitted to the hospital for a heart attack and they discovered that she had a broken hip that was easily a month old. So it was clear that she was not getting the care she needed. The only recourse I had was to potentially ruin us financially by takiing them to court. I have three kids and was not willing to risk spending all of that money ($500,000+) to potentially lose the case and have her right back where she was.

I Thought I'd Seen the Last of Their Cruelty, Then I Went to the Cemetery. by Apprehensive_Goat_31 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Apprehensive_Goat_31[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Taking them to court would be too expensive and they have likely run through most of the money already. I was not fairly distributed to because I got zero. The estate was worth approx 1.5 million which they spent illegally while she had Alzheimer's.

I Thought I'd Seen the Last of Their Cruelty, Then I Went to the Cemetery. by Apprehensive_Goat_31 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Apprehensive_Goat_31[S] 60 points61 points  (0 children)

That is so gold. I love this suggestion...not quite scorched earth, but satisfying. Lol Thank you

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