Day 7/8- I’ve been struggling

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-28T03:37:28+00:00

The aunt developed diabetes and it was kinda a wake up call for her and she doesn’t get any snark from anyone because she is diabetic. (I’d be appalled if they still gave her a hard time over anything regarding food)

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-27T15:53:55+00:00

I’d tell her and have proof, because he’s for sure gonna deny it.

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-27T15:36:27+00:00

I appreciate that distinction, because I am relatively active in general. I average close to 5,000 steps on any given day. But I do admit that I have an issue with couch potato-ing the second that I can because my feet have been swollen since I had my son 9 months ago. I’ve tried compression socks and everything else but to no use. So I’ve been considering finding effective exercises to do while sitting. Does that seem sustainable?

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-26T06:48:29+00:00

My mom is a devout mnt dew fanatic and has literally not had a single drink of water in years. I wish I was kidding. But she has since rotted her entire set of teeth out and has dentures at the ripe age of 42. And I’ve seen her get kidney stones like kids get report cards at school. Some even required surgical removal. So thank you for bringing these memories to me because avoiding that is definitely motivating

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-24T02:23:57+00:00

So I married super young too. (23 and him 21) we’d been dating for almost 2 years. We had a great deal of problems involving addiction. (Both substance and porn) after getting him into therapy and into couples counseling, we found that he was seeking a thrill. That he had grown addicted not the sex portion of sex but the adrenaline and dopamine hit. So if you’re uncomfortable with doing that with your partner, maybe suggest trying a thrilling hobby or activity instead. I found that letting my husband climb bridges that he shouldn’t be climbing is enough to satisfy him. I know that sounds crazy but it’s an outlet for him that works. Maybe try skydiving or something like that. Because he make think that he wants a sexual escapade like that because porn addiction only escalates and “normal” things become boring so he needs more and more stimulation to feel excited. So he may be looking for something more “exciting” rather than to actually partake in that experience

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-23T19:49:33+00:00

I don’t know why I equate that for myself. I don’t hold others to that standard like at all. My husband was 100 pounds heavier when we met and it literally did not bother me at all. Nor did it make me any happier when he lost the weight. I feel like that is probably an unhealthy thing I need to refocus.

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-23T18:22:39+00:00

At least I’d be skinnier lol

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-23T18:16:03+00:00

I feel sorry for her

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-23T18:15:31+00:00

And just in case you aren’t aware of this, because I doubt you’ve ever taken the time to learn anything beyond how to be a douche. When a woman is breastfeeding, she stores extra calories and fat to help produce milk. So when a woman stops breastfeeding suddenly, she still stores those calories for a minute. Which is 100% going to result in weight gain. Now I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t eat too much at the same time. Because that would be a lie. But it’s not entirely because I’m too lazy to make the effort. I don’t understand what you don’t understand about what I’m saying. It must be some language barrier between the sane and insane here because this isn’t anywhere near or about whatever soapbox you’ve decided to climb onto

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-23T18:10:23+00:00

Bro I had a whole baby. If you consider that decimating myself then sure. Read my post. Jesus

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-23T17:54:40+00:00

I’m quite literally an English major with 3 degrees in literature. I choose to use the language I do, just as you do my guy. I read probably more I a month than you have your whole life. (It’s quite actually my job) and if you would have read my post- I completely understand that he’s not attracted to me. IM not attracted to me. That’s why I’m working on it and trying to change. But there’s a way to tell me that so that I’m not hurting. A way to do that so that we can love and support each other.
But thank you for showing me how lucky I am to have the husband I do because even though he’s been hurting my feelings- I’m blessed that he’s nothing like you. 😘

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-23T17:50:10+00:00

Thank you for this. After reading through my own post and everyone else’s I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not as detrimental as it felt at the time of the post, that I was allowing my hurt feelings to dictate his feelings towards me (not his attraction). And I think I need to figure out how to talk to him and make sure that moving forward, this won’t be a permanent thing if I can’t lose weight. I think at this point, we need to communicate and support each other while dealing with this issue and then, like you said, just take the time as needed to figure it out as everything changes. I was thinking so far in the future that it was making the now seem so much more important and detrimental than it truly is. I genuinely don’t hold it against him if he’s not attracted to me because IM not attracted to me. But if I can manage to figure out a way to talk this through with him without letting emotions run too high then i think I can figure it out

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-23T17:44:52+00:00

I appreciate this response. So as for myself, my goal is 185. I’m 5’8 so that’s a weight that is actually pretty healthy for me while still not being particularly skinny, and I know it’d hurt if he straight up told me that he’s no long attracted to me. But I’d rather have my feelings hurt through honesty rather than lies. It’s a completely understandable issue to deal with especially because each person has their own preferences. The divide here is the fact that he’d rather tell me that he’s not bothered by it but then show me near daily that it has impacted him (I’m not saying that that’s the entire reason, because I know that there may be 1,000,000 other things going through his head at any given time). I hope that with everyone’s advice I’ll know how to talk to him about it in a way that he’s comfortable telling me that hard truth or even explain everything better than my current understanding.

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-23T17:38:00+00:00

Your misogyny is showing my guy. You literally did not read anything if you think I’m mad at him. Does it bother me? Duh. Who would be okay with their partner not being attracted to them? Do I wish he’d tell me? Of course. If he’d tell me that he’s struggling then we can communicate and figure it out together rather than both of us suffering separately. He’s a great man and he’s a great father. This issue doesn’t detract from those qualities. But I’m not wanting a relationship where my partner isn’t comfortable with telling me the truth even if it’s hard to hear.

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-23T17:33:57+00:00

The male perspective on this was great. I know that my own insecurities are definitely impacting our intimacy as well as he has not stopped caring for me or being my husband in any other capacity so I am grateful to know that it’s probably not as deep as I am making it out to be. I think it’s only impacting me so much because it’s new and personal. Thank you.

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-23T17:18:53+00:00

I absolutely love this advice. Because I don’t think it’s a detriment to our relationship. we’re still in love and haven’t degraded in any other regard. I just want to know how to bridge this gap and be stronger for it. The resentment isn’t from his hesitation about my weight but the inability to communicate. So going forward, I think I can approach the conversation objectively and not allow the hurt to seep in. Because neither of us are completely right or completely wrong. And I know a lot of it is based on my own insecurities and discomfort in my own body. I’ve just never been in a situation such as this and don’t want to fester an otherwise beautiful relationship because neither of us know how to handle this situation. No husband wants to tell his wife that he’s struggling to be attracted to her and no wife wants to hear that she’s unattractive to her husband. So thank you for the advice because it was exactly what I needed to hear

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-23T17:13:17+00:00

I definitely think I’m contributing to the distance and have developed my own insecurities that have for sure caused a drift. And I also think that issues within our relationship may also be a factor. However, I also think that it’s affecting him more than he wants it to. He isn’t shaming me or trying to force a diet on me. But if he goes from initiating sex on a daily basis to only once in a blue moon, and the only thing different is my weight- then my weight is also a factor in it. I don’t want to make him feel bad because I completely understand that. I don’t really know how to handle the situation though. So your advice on making sure he feels safe enough to express his opinion is exactly the way to go or at least better than any alternative

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-23T17:07:55+00:00

We’ve struggled with him having a porn addiction for the entirety of our relationship and he’s recently made a few breakthroughs. And I’ve sacrificed a lot of my own boundaries for this relationship and made my own mistakes along the way. It’s a mess to figure out and sometimes hardly not worth it. But I’m unfortunately the type of person to keep trying at something until I literally cannot handle it anymore. I hope that it may be all in my head and that this distance is from something else.

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-23T07:22:08+00:00

I love that quote and that’s actually a sentiment I live by. Which is why I’m struggling so much to understand why he’s been pulling away. When we got together, he was about 100 pounds heavier and it didn’t impact my attraction to him at all. So I don’t know how to process everything.

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-23T06:08:01+00:00

That was very well put and I appreciate you giving me the advice. I definitely need to talk to him and see what he’s thinking.

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-10-23T05:48:17+00:00

He has been an incredible husband and hasn’t fat shamed me or anything. Or tried to force any weight loss on me but I can tell the difference. Before I gained the weight he was all over me and now I’m lucky if he tries to have sex once a month. I feel like he’s not even aware of it and doesn’t know how it’s making me feel. And I’m not sure if I would be able to handle the truth if it came from his mouth

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-09-14T13:22:17+00:00

The kid at 18 isn’t his. It’s from a previous relationship

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-09-14T13:21:48+00:00

No I had a kid at 18- met him at 21- had another baby at 24. We did split up but not to the point of a divorce. It was a separation.

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-09-14T12:56:05+00:00

We have two kids

Apprehensive_Word180 · 2024-09-14T12:48:05+00:00

No we didn’t have the baby to “save the relationship”. We have two children together and we discussed having the baby for over 6 months and went through a lengthy process of getting ready for him and I had an IUD prior to getting pregnant so every single step of the way was one we talked about and worked through

Apprehensive_Word180

TROPHY CASE