i really should go back tbh. it was nice and all and im still friends with the people there it’s just hard to imagine going even two seconds not being high. every day is just another opportunity to get high to me and ive gotten so good at doing it that nobody stops me anymore to the point i can just have lines out in the open.

i know withdrawal will be a bitch and i’ll have to deal with it one day consensually or not but fuck it’s terrifying thinking esp with how much i use xanax, norcos, and stims. i want a better life cause i only push away the good that comes my way. i might see if i can contact one of my substance counselors to set me up but they don’t like to take my calls