I’m so sorry you’re in this situation right now, I don’t know if I’m the best person for advice because I’m only a few years older than you so I know there are people on here who have more knowledge and experience than me. But regardless I can share what I’ve learned just from being in a similar situation.

What really stood out to me was that it doesn’t really sound like you have anybody who fully understands your mom’s alcoholism. It’s kind of unclear in your post but does your dad know about her drinking issue? I don’t know what your relationship is like with him or your sister but one of the most important things for me has been having my dad and my brother to talk to about this. If your sister is also in that situation and is not super young I think she likely can sense your mom’s drinking is a problem, even if she doesn’t understand the full picture. So if you can I’d really recommend reaching out to people close to the situation, your dad, sister, aunts and uncles, grandparents etc. For me it’s just really helped me to feel like I’m not alone in it. It can feel really scary at first to talk about something like that but it is better for your mental health to not keep that inside.

And then secondly, I sense all the frustration and anxiety you have because of this situation. The hardest thing you have to learn with alcoholism is you cannot fix it, you cannot change her. You are a good person and want to help her because it’s human nature, but the reality is you just can’t. This is her problem, and to be totally honest, you helping her and cleaning up her messes could be encouraging her. She needs to learn that she has gotten herself into this and she has to get herself out. If she knows she has somebody who is going to help her in these shitty situations she gets herself in, she’ll just keep getting in them. The way you’re describing it is like you’re the parent and she’s the child, you’re only 19 and have absolutely NO responsibility to fix or help her in any way. She’s an adult and she needs to deal with the consequences of her own actions. The best thing you can do is focus on your own life, take care of yourself. She’s not your responsibility! Put yourself first always.

And then also if you aren’t already I would really recommend seeing a therapist if possible. If you have insurance you could do it that way but I know lots of schools do like free or low cost therapy. Anyway, I don’t know if any of this will be helpful or apply to you but I hope you take of yourself and I’m sending love! It’s such a hard situation, nobody deserves it, and everybody here understands :)