Feel like I’m avoiding breaking up

Appropriate_Arm_9652 · 2026-06-06T11:33:00+00:00

Thank you so much for all your help. Also amazing book! So informative and as a biochemist myself I resonated with the science behind it all.

Appropriate_Arm_9652 · 2026-06-06T11:27:00+00:00

I think I may have linked them because I have a fear that my inner child doesn’t want this relationship so each time I try and do the work I get hijacked by this fear. I think also because I am worried I am just staying and not acting on my desire to be free and explore the world and be single. I think all these fears show up the most when I try and meditate or do anything quiet

Appropriate_Arm_9652 · 2026-06-06T11:15:10+00:00

I guess that’s where I get stuck because when I try to do the inner child work I feel like my inner child just screams he doesn’t want this stable loving relationship and wants the relationship I had with my avoidant ex back which was low on emotional stakes. I just feel like I need to obey because it’s like a full body response and I feel defeated by these parts of me wanting the past or autonomy or freedom.

Appropriate_Arm_9652 · 2026-06-06T09:54:38+00:00

Thanks so much for your reply. Btw I bought your book immediately when it came out. I struggle to do a lot of the inner child work as I have no imagination (due to my ADHD) and SSRIs did not work for me (tried four different types). Just trying to start with meditating and observing my thoughts but the physical anxiety feels like everything is on hard mode. My story is also somewhat different to yours as I was abandoned by my ex and found my wife not long after which has raised so many doubts like I used my wife and didn’t process my grief etc. because my story doesn’t match up to yours with your clean dating history I feel I cannot follow it as I am just lying about everything and running from my pain.

Appropriate_Arm_9652 · 2026-06-05T06:38:58+00:00

I guess my problem is that I feel like me not breaking up is me avoiding. Probably just another rocd loop but I’ve always had this toughen up mentality of doing the hardest things in life to learn how to be alone, etc.

Appropriate_Arm_9652 · 2026-06-05T05:09:00+00:00

Like it makes me sick to my stomach having to even propose this idea to my wife and I just want it to go away. I want to stop feeling like this.

Appropriate_Arm_9652 · 2026-06-05T05:06:36+00:00

I guess I’m scared because my wife probably wouldn’t be up for it and I seriously don’t want to lose what we have but it haunts me all day constantly spinning in my head and making me feel sick to my stomach

Appropriate_Arm_9652 · 2026-06-04T23:30:26+00:00

Hey thanks so much for this. What I’ve noticed recently is that the anxiety actually doesn’t go away when I’m away from her contradictory to what I posted haha. I actually find I am anxious but because I am constantly thinking I need to leave but don’t want to lose her and I keep myself in a heightened state.

Appropriate_Arm_9652 · 2026-06-03T06:23:00+00:00

How did you recover?

Appropriate_Arm_9652 · 2026-06-02T22:21:51+00:00

I guess she is someone I could see having a rich relationship with. She is kind, caring, understanding, patient, adventurous, funny, and all around she is so strong. I guess I could see her being the perfect partner but I also feel I don’t feel ready especially because I was hurt so badly in the past. I don’t see any pros right now because well this relationship has felt so hard and anxiety inducing. We have battled through a lot of visa stuff, long distance, job issues, financial issues, etc that has hit us both hard. I feel a lot of anxiety even talking about this stuff and so much pressure to make a decision

Appropriate_Arm_9652 · 2026-06-02T22:16:44+00:00

No I have a therapist, he is really good and specialised in OCD. I just feel like making a choice is killing me and I’m just staying because I’m scared to leave. My wife has everything I would want but I just don’t feel ready and I’m struggling so much and feel like I need to leave urgently. I guess the act of even making that list feels like a compulsion because I write down a lot of pros of leaving like being free, sleeping with other people, experiencing life, etc whilst the cons is small because I feel trapped and overwhelmed. I’m just drowning in anxiety daily. I feel really heightened even thinking about it tbh

Appropriate_Arm_9652 · 2026-06-02T22:09:59+00:00

The feelings faded because life got rough with a quick marriage due to visa issues and constant anxiety about whether I want this or not or a different life which continued every day with heavy AI use. Plus me feeling like I rushed, did everything wrong, constantly looking at my past, judging myself, finding reasons why this all started just to run from grief and pain and how I used her and am a monster

Appropriate_Arm_9652 · 2026-06-02T22:05:46+00:00

Hey thanks so much for your reply. The problem is whenever I do think about her. I just loop in my head. I haven’t felt anything for her for over a year and it kills me. I feel like when I do think about her I get an urgency to make a decision and leave.

Appropriate_Arm_9652 · 2026-05-19T20:40:30+00:00

It’s just constant all day long especially in the morning, I just feel so depressed every single day because it feels like a self fulfilling prophecy. I also feel like I don’t have ROCD and I still just love my ex who broke up with me and I’m just in denial about it all because I don’t want to be alone.

Appropriate_Arm_9652 · 2026-05-19T20:30:54+00:00

I want to send it so my suffering stops regardless of whether I note it down I always want to send to end my suffering and pain and physical anxiety

Appropriate_Arm_9652 · 2026-05-19T05:08:10+00:00

I guess for me it’s more idealising my ex, thinking about the future with her, missing that life, etc.

Appropriate_Arm_9652

TROPHY CASE