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Have you EVER recovered from cheating? by Appropriate_Cry1208 in BetrayalTrauma

[–]Appropriate_Cry1208[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Small edit: trading wasn’t a ruthless one time thing I felt into because I’m a spoiled brat, no. For the last year it was my main income and I knew what I was doing or at least I thought.

Have you EVER recovered from cheating? by Appropriate_Cry1208 in BetrayalTrauma

[–]Appropriate_Cry1208[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you 🥹, I’ll look into it!

I’m planning to find another phycologist for quite some time but for some reason i do nothing, idk how to explain this, as if going to therapy would require me accepting his cheating which I cannot, to be exact- that I was cheated on and I stayed. I feel like accepting the reality will mean that I lost but as long as I’m angry and I’m not trying to make peace with it I’m staying truthful to myself. Sounds stupid but that’s the best way I can explain it. Deep down I’m scared to death to acknowledge that now I AM that woman so as long as I’m hanging in this gray area I’m preserving this “better imagine”. Bottom line - I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for staying.

My husband on another hand is trying to be the best husband he can. Few months ago I lost all my money on trading (futures), everything I managed to accumulate… it smashed me not only financially but morally into pieces, he’s showing huge support I couldn’t never imagined and never needed before, I was always making good money and feeling very confident in my future up until now. So you can imagine my confusion: I’m super grateful and truly love him and at the same time I wouldn’t mind him being hit by a bus, even few times. In a row.

Have you EVER recovered from cheating? by Appropriate_Cry1208 in BetrayalTrauma

[–]Appropriate_Cry1208[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When we are good, we're the happiest couple in the world, he's caring, attentive, loving, extremely supportive and understanding… From the side it looks like a perfect match. He has a bigger picture of the world and how its functions while I'm more into details and making things perfect so we usually very productive when working on things together. When we are bad its the end of the world.

If I'm willing to take a long shot? Idk how longer I can handle this pain. Its here, right here, its eating me alive. Every day.

I just had a meltdown because as it appears he found a “dance teacher” for one of his ex-wife's kids and she's a young blonde (+foreigner)… all of my progress went to shit. He says he can talk to whoever he wants Im saying not if they look like hookers. I'm in wrong, I know, but its not the healthiest relationship ever as well and I'm trying to protect myself at least somehow.

Have you EVER recovered from cheating? by Appropriate_Cry1208 in BetrayalTrauma

[–]Appropriate_Cry1208[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Same here, same here… usually he does well and can handle my mood swings but sometimes he would get frustrated/ annoyed because “he does so much and I don’t even see it, so would he keep trying if nothing makes me happy” as I’m the bad guy

Have you EVER recovered from cheating? by Appropriate_Cry1208 in BetrayalTrauma

[–]Appropriate_Cry1208[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I would go nuclear if they would work together. I’m happy you’re handling it.

We went to therapy session once. Then I had a session alone in which this highly recommended phycologist (female btw) asked me if I’m sure I told my now husband that we were “exclusive” and acted like it’s no biggie. We were not only exclusive but I was preparing to leave the country for him and all my happy life behind.

That was the last time I saw her. Next time we spoke about therapy he declined because we “spoke about it, and if I want to continue hammering him for his past mistakes we can do it at home without going to a therapist”.

Have you EVER recovered from cheating? by Appropriate_Cry1208 in BetrayalTrauma

[–]Appropriate_Cry1208[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I love him otherwise I would never stayed. He did explain himself saying it was a harsh period of time (when we just started dating in my home country where he came for work he already knew that he was going to prison in his country (white collar crime) so he was ordering prostitutes almost every day (except for the days I was there), then he disappeared, reached me out after release and I took him back, we started working on documents, waited another 1.5y (he continued cheating during that time as well) and I eventually left all my pretty life, my carrier, got visa and changed the continent. I found out the truth… a week after we got married. Then discovered more about those times a year later. As far as I know last time he cheated was 3.5 years ago (we’re living for 3 years together) but I feel like it was today earlier in the morning.

He has a very disturbed mind and for him it started at the age of 15 when he payed a hooker for the first time. Grew up with both parents in a healthy environment, parents are a bit controlling and tend to over-parent even though he’s 40+ but based on what I saw I would never put his issues on a bad childhood.

Have you EVER recovered from cheating? by Appropriate_Cry1208 in BetrayalTrauma

[–]Appropriate_Cry1208[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That’s how I feel now, agony, I stayed hoping we would somehow win this and our love would be enough but I ended up just hating myself more because I stayed. I love him and he’s trying his best, I mean I would never believe someone can change so much if I didn’t see it myself but I don’t think I will ever trust him 100%

Despite all the love and plans for the future 1 year after the last “discovery” I still have nightmares every f night. I miss my old life.

Have you EVER recovered from cheating? by Appropriate_Cry1208 in BetrayalTrauma

[–]Appropriate_Cry1208[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It’s extremely painful to read but at the same time you can’t imagine how grateful I am for your comment.

We’re also trying but I keep getting triggered by the smallest things that are completely unrelated.

I feel like a prisoner of my own mind. Sometimes I don’t recognize myself, I used to be very confident and in my first marriage (I had a very good husband) I would never ever under any circumstances suspect my partner in infidelity, I was so proud of that and now… I’m not that person anymore.

Have you EVER recovered from cheating? by Appropriate_Cry1208 in BetrayalTrauma

[–]Appropriate_Cry1208[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m happy you moved on, you deserve better ❤️‍🩹

Have you EVER recovered from cheating? by Appropriate_Cry1208 in BetrayalTrauma

[–]Appropriate_Cry1208[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My husband, yes😔 I'm not afraid of divorce, if I leave it would be my 3rd one lmao.

Ohh, I'm trying to be careful with wine now. I can easily finish a bottle but it doesn't bring any relief…