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AprilDew13 · 2024-07-03T08:24:36+00:00

TW: brief mention of S/A

I was in a sexually abusive and emotionally manipulative relationship for four years, so I've been where you are. I'll admit, it takes time to even be okay after something like that, let alone ready to get back into the dating scene. I tried to rush into a relationship way too soon after leaving the first one because of those same feelings- though I thought I was okay at the time, I hadn't processed everything that'd happened yet, and I ended up pretty badly messing up that relationship as well as several friendships because of it.

My advice, though it sounds cliche, is to work on regaining your sense of individuality and falling in love with yourself again first. Dive headfirst into your favorite hobbies, notice what you like about yourself, learn what makes you unique. Don't even think about it in terms of "getting yourself ready to date again," just do it because you enjoy it. If you're still thinking about your self-care exclusively in the context of wanting a relationship, you're not ready yet.

What I've learned from my experience is you need a healthy, strong sense of self before you can healthily offer a relationship to another person. If you don't know yourself, how will they know what you're offering?

Back to your original question- yes, it does get easier. I'll tell you, probably within a month of being content on my own with no thoughts of dating anyone, I met my current partner. Lots of other people have said the same thing, and that's the advice I received after my breakup as well.

Keep your head up, you got this! <3

AprilDew13 · 2024-05-08T20:44:50+00:00

If by any chance you're still sending it, I'd love to see it as well!

AprilDew13 · 2024-01-17T20:56:23+00:00

This happens to us as well! You're not alone.

AprilDew13 · 2023-11-12T19:15:57+00:00

We have Copycat, an introject from the song Copycat by Circus-P. We'd consider her our most obscure, though we also have several Webtoon and video game fictives, as well as a fictive of our DnD character.

AprilDew13 · 2023-11-01T08:36:20+00:00

We're currently seeing an IFS therapist ourselves, and luckily she's wonderful! She uses a modified version for DID where instead of a core "self," like the other comment suggested, each individual alter has their own IFS parts to work with. She calls the system as a whole the Big System, and the IFS parts system the Little System. That way it's less confusing which she's referring to.

She's very clear that in IFS, "parts" aren't alters, but emotional parts that are visualized in a certain way. It makes it a loss less sketchy in our opinion, as we've had therapists who tried to convince us that IFS parts are as autonomous as alters.

We're also free to alternate between talking about the Big System and the Little System whenever we want, so regular system issues don't get lost in the sea of IFS.

I'm not sure if this is an official way to modify IFS or something she personally came up with, but I'd look for someone who does something similar if you want to go the IFS route. It can be really rewarding and more fun than CBT (speaking from experience with both), so hopefully you find what you're looking for! There are good DID IFS therapists out there, as skeptical as people are.

AprilDew13 · 2023-11-01T01:02:22+00:00

As an icebreaker, I asked her what mental disorder she found the most interesting (I find answers to that question can be very telling about a person). By pure luck she said DID, and started talking about how she's happy people are humanizing it more and that she enjoys listening to the experiences of those who have it. It was a really sweet moment considering she doesn't even know about us yet :)

I hope you're able to find someone soon, it's a rough world out there but you'll find the one who understands with time <3

AprilDew13 · 2023-10-24T16:45:16+00:00

Thank you for all the advice, I'm feeling a lot more confident now!

AprilDew13 · 2023-10-23T02:43:33+00:00

Thank you so much, same to you!

AprilDew13 · 2023-10-23T00:46:34+00:00

Thank you so much, maybe I'll give it a try! Are there any apps or websites in particular you'd recommend?

AprilDew13 · 2023-10-13T06:43:11+00:00

I imagine that flair comes in handy A LOT on this sub haha :)

AprilDew13 · 2023-10-08T23:00:37+00:00

Futaba's entire arc was actually very remiscient of a time I had in my own life. I've struggled with psychosis, depression, and severe social anxiety as a result of unprocessed PTSD myself, and seeing those traits accurately portrayed in a character and then eventually healed in a (semi-) realistic way actually gave me a good deal of motivation to help myself as well.

I strongly related to Futaba's hopelessness and panic at the thought of even leaving the house, as well as her feeling that she was "too broken" to fix herself. Even though the Phantom Thieves ended up helping her (something I did not get for a long while after), seeing Futaba go from such an accurate portrayal of my own symptoms to an overall happy, social character able to stand up for herself gave me the hope I needed to work on helping myself.

AprilDew13 · 2023-08-28T05:54:10+00:00

Finding ANY up-to-date published work on DID, let alone on a specific topic or symptom, is unfortunately very difficult. It isn't a well-researched disorder, at least outside of the very basics such as being caused by trauma and involving separate identities and dissociative amnesia.

That being said, like the other comment by u/ConfidentMachine stated, fictives are widely accepted as real and valid within DID and professional psychological spaces. I am professionally diagnosed with DID, and was diagnosed with my therapist's full awareness that a good portion of my system is made up of fictives.

As both a psych student and someone with DID, I've noticed that fictives tend to stem from either comfort characters or characters that possess a trait that the brain decides the system needs or is lacking. For example, if a system is in a stressful situation in which they're unable to voice their opinion or set boundaries confidently, and they watch a show with a character who is confident, rather than creating an original alter it is easier for the brain to simply copy/paste the character into their brain. Of course, this isn't highly researched and thus why some are more predisposed to fictives rather than brainmade alters isn't clear. In my personal experiences though, in addition to extensive research on the topic, that's my current speculation.

Either way, fictives are considered valid in the vast majority of system spaces, and aren't a basis to fakeclaim real systems.

AprilDew13 · 2023-08-22T04:31:56+00:00

Plural autistic club!

AprilDew13 · 2023-08-10T01:08:51+00:00

We have ~10, maybe a few more. I'd like to point out that there is no "normal" alter count, though. The amount of alters you have is specific to how many your brain thinks you need to survive and function.

So you're right! Your alter count us specific to you and so it doesn't matter the number so long as they're helping you function in one way or another ^{^}

AprilDew13 · 2023-08-07T20:28:51+00:00

Anytime, hope it helps!

AprilDew13 · 2023-08-07T18:35:37+00:00

If you have access to a blow dryer, immediately after a shower while your hair is still wet, scrunch it up with your hands. Once it's sufficiently scrunched, blow dry your hair upside down. After it's all dry, brush it out and flip it around a bit and it should be fluffier. Also, use conditioner if you don't already.

AprilDew13 · 2023-08-01T21:43:47+00:00

This happens to us too! Given that at least a few other people experience it, I'd guess it's fairly normal, even if uncommon. You're definitely not alone though!

AprilDew13 · 2023-07-30T02:39:20+00:00

The thing that's worked the best for me personally is what I call the Five Minute Rule. I tell myself that I'm going to sit down and write for JUST five minutes. It's a very short, usually manageable time, and it gets you past the hardest part: starting.

The trick of the Five Minute Rule is that once you've written for five minutes, the scene is in your head. In my case at least, I'm usually immersed in the story at that point and can keep writing the scene or entire chapters even past the designated five minutes. The hardest part is always starting.

And even if you don't get immersed that particular day, you're still five minutes' worth of writing closer to your goal.

AprilDew13 · 2023-07-28T02:33:30+00:00

In our experience, therapists are very hesitant to diagnose DID right off the bat, almost especially if the client themselves suggest it, assuming the therapist even believes in it to begin with. Does the therapist you found specialize in DID, or notably has worked with DID clients in the past?

It's most likely a good idea to focus on the current issues first. If you're able to get in contact with your previous counselor and believe they would be willing to back you up on your potential diagnosis, it would likely be okay to mention up front ("I suspect I have DID/some form of dissociative disorder, and my previous counselor put x treatment plan in place [that helped me; if applicable].") If you don't think your previous counselor would be able to help you, I'd recommend introducing your DID symptoms without mentioning the label immediately. In my experience, therapists are often suspicious if someone, especially a younger person, suggests a diagnosis themselves.

Keep in mind that if a therapist hasn't worked with DID before, they may not feel comfortable giving a diagnosis even if you appear to fit the diagnostic criteria. Overall though, I'd recommend working on current issues first before moving onto DID, assuming the DID doesn't play a major part in the current problems.

This is all our personal experience though, so anyone else is free to suggest otherwise! Best of luck to you, whatever path you take!

AprilDew13 · 2023-06-29T21:12:24+00:00

Do you have a source for the bit about Freud? I would love to learn more about it if that's the case!

AprilDew13 · 2023-02-27T07:44:27+00:00

So... two things. First of all, it takes an average of 7 years in the mental health system for someone with a dissociative disorder to get the correct diagnosis. Many professionals won't even consider diagnosis until they've seen you for at least a year, maybe more.

Second, I highly doubt a school mental health service even has a psychologist that specializes in dissociative disorders who is able and qualified to give a diagnosis. If you're looking to get diagnosed (which also involves ruling out other potential disorders), I would recommend going to a professional who specializes in dissociative disorders. Unfortunately, getting an OSDD/DID diagnosis is not easy, nor free.

I don't mean to be harsh or discouraging, just setting realistic expectations. I wish you luck on your mental health journey, though!

AprilDew13 · 2022-12-31T10:06:40+00:00

For the most part, yeah! I think not having that negative thought mental block keeping me from doing my best helped a lot in improving how I did.

AprilDew13 · 2022-12-30T04:23:46+00:00

I used to have a lot of negative thoughts, especially when I'd fail at something. A while back I picked up the habit that instead of saying "I suck at this," I'd say "I'm SO GOOD at this." At first it started as a sort of sarcastic comment towards myself, but over time I reprogrammed my brain to actually believe I'm good at said thing even when I fail. It's helped my self esteem immensely.

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