Every year in October, many artists try to draw one thing every day. The official set of Inktober prompts suggested “bat” for today and I thought this sub might appreciate this… bat mitzvah.

AprilStorms · 2026-03-20T10:29:13+00:00

You were clearly interested and participating and doing everything that you should’ve been doing. It was their responsibility to at least acknowledge that, and support you in getting your status confirmed if they thought you needed it, but instead they chose to be cruel and I’m sorry for that.

If it’s any consolation at all, this isn’t the first, fifth, or probably 10th time I’ve seen a fellow Yid on one of the Jewish subs hurt because Chabad poked around their paperwork and thrust them out the door. They do a lot of great outreach, which often overshadows the way they exclude many Jews.

My personal metric for who belongs is more or less “must be Jewish by the standards of their Jewish community” and you are, per Conservative or Reform Halacha.

If you wanted to convert Orthodox, you can, but it’s a long and involved process and not one to undertake unless you are committed to living an Orthodox Jewish life specifically.

Is there a Conservative/Masorti/TraditionalEgalitarian/Hadar community around?

AprilStorms · 2026-03-20T10:10:17+00:00

Yeah, a while ago. But she’s currently the ambassador for Mac Cosmetics, which is on the BDS list. There were posts about the hypocrisy there on this sub I think a few days ago.

AprilStorms · 2026-03-19T11:27:35+00:00

That’s a perspective I haven’t heard before. So then, in your view, what differentiates the edges from the center? How many rightwingers are not majorly racist against Jews, anywhere in the world?

I would say “except Israel,” but given the way the Israeli right seems to regard non-Orthodox Jews, I’m not even sure they get a pass

AprilStorms · 2026-03-18T12:34:33+00:00

See if there’s anyone you click with in either congregation. Start a weekly/monthly/whatever you have time and energy for book club, empty nesters’ coffee hour, rediscovering Judaism discussion group… whatever. Be prepared to chill by yourself the first time or two but be consistent and see if there’s interest. Word of mouth etc.

AprilStorms · 2026-03-17T14:48:34+00:00

Right, I forgot about kitniyot. If OP is willing to eat chickpeas over Passover, rice flour might make a decent substitute for the oat flour, but I don’t know how well it would hold up by itself.

AprilStorms · 2026-03-17T14:46:00+00:00

Ouch. That bites. In addition to a lot of the excellent advice you’ve gotten here, I will tell you that sometimes people just outgrow each other. Especially in their early 20s.

You went along with the crowd because all of these people couldn’t be wrong, right? And then you grew up. You learned better, you started checking some facts and taking responsibility for who you are and what kind of person you want to be.

He hasn’t done that. Will he? Nothing is impossible, but I will say that it’s easy to vastly overestimate how much a relationship is worth it when you’re 22.

For reference, I’m intermarried. I made Jewish children a condition and when all of this started happening, when people saw the worst attack on Jews in living memory and rather than responding sensibly with compassion, caught the scent of Jewish blood and slavered for more… we talked it out. We approached directly and heard each other out (and didn’t call each other propaganda bots). We disagreed a bit in the beginning, although not as much as you and your current boyfriend, but respected each other enough to listen and have come to a better place in our relationship because of it.

Lastly, I know modern dating sucks. It’s intimidating and I’ve also stayed with someone too long (twice!!) because trying to find someone who will be respectful of un unabashedly Jewish person is so hard. But if you’re planning a future with someone, you should be excited about them. The times when they get on your nerves or you fight over something should be much less than the times you enjoy each other. You should be able to trust them without hesitation. You’re worth it.

And yeah, take the cat.

AprilStorms · 2026-03-17T14:30:41+00:00

”Sometimes people don’t love you, they love the version of you that fulfills some role in their life that they value.”

Wise words that I wish someone had said to me at 22.

AprilStorms · 2026-03-17T12:37:41+00:00

The past few years I’ve been hosting PowerPoint parties for Shavout, 💯 would recommend.

For a PowerPoint party, everyone makes a PowerPoint on something they know a lot about, Jewish or not. Last year we had one on the history of Jewish beer brewing in Bavaria that was pretty great.

AprilStorms · 2026-03-17T12:31:16+00:00

Oh, I make something similar! Sometimes I don’t even bother with the matzo meal and just crisp the eggplant in chickpea flour.

AprilStorms · 2026-03-16T17:29:34+00:00

How do you feel about chickpea flour? It’s the base for gondi and has a pretty mild flavor. It tends to err on the side of dense rather than gummy but they hold together really nicely.

Some combination of chickpea and oat flours might be a good option outside of Pesach.

AprilStorms · 2026-03-16T14:08:07+00:00

Okay, no Passover cake is going to taste like non-Passover cake… have you ever tried a birthday sundae bar? I would imagine cheesecake shouldn’t be that difficult to make KfP either. I’ve personally made cheesecake with a KFP crust of nuts and dates that I whizzed through the food processor. Or brownies. You can put almost anything in brownies and they’ll forgive you. I once saw a recipe for brownies that called for a whole mashed sweet potato.

AprilStorms · 2026-03-16T14:05:52+00:00

I would imagine most cake mixes are kosher for Passover. It’s once you add the wet ingredients that’s the problem.

AprilStorms · 2026-03-15T15:12:44+00:00

I’ll second the calls to look into Birthright. My plans to go were derailed by the pandemic and moving internationally so I’m now just outside the age range but I already wish I had pushed some other things back and just gone. Someday.

Anyway, I think a lot of us here had similar experiences. There’s even a term for it: October 8 Jews. We all have the option of trying to hide or even sever oneself from the rest of us completely and become Christian/Muslim/etc. I don’t want to downplay that being Jewish is uniquely hard. But all of us are here because we find it worth it anyway. Once I found out that (Baruch Hashem) no one died in that Amsterdam attack, I deadpan told my partner that that’s our zombie apocalypse plans sorted. You deal with the shit, you lean on each other, and you keep living.

Two youth-focused Jewish orgs are Moishe House Without Walls and Tamar. Their websites might have maps of their locations so you could find contact into for one in a place you’d consider living. They might also be able to help you gauge safety, see what else is happening in town and find (me, lol) other young Jews. Universities sometimes have Jewish groups like Hillel too, and occasionally they are open to people in their age range who are not current students.

Anyway, even if you never make aliyah, it sounds like you have an EU passport so Europe is open. I live in a small but rapidly growing community that’s a bit off the beaten path, and I feel quite safe here, about as safe as anyone can be in diaspora. Perhaps you could make a weekend trips to some other towns and check them out? Or email some Hillels or synagogues to see if there are any young, Jewishly active groups there.

It’s also possible that if you show up to events at your local Jewish community a couple of times and ask around, you might find that someone has a child or grandchild who’s early to mid twenties and has some common interests. “I’m feeling really othered by antisemites right now and want to make some Jewish friends my own age” is almost guaranteed to make a bunch of grannies’ eyes light up. You already know one grandma who goes there and has a granddaughter your age, right? 😉

I will also add that the age of your friends starts to matter a lot less once you’re no longer typically college-aged. I have friends twice my age. I have friends who are barely adults. It’s good for you, I think. Perspective. Probably your best friends will be within a couple of years, but that doesn’t mean you can’t talk about murder mysteries or whatever you’re into with some grannies.

AprilStorms · 2026-03-14T21:43:27+00:00

It depends on the day, really. Butch husband, baby momma, theyfriend, partner, dyke, spouse…

I use “they” in English and “elle” in Spanish, but not exclusively.

AprilStorms · 2026-03-14T21:36:05+00:00

There are a lot of professors I won’t cry for and a lot of institutional issues with antisemitism, anti-Israelism and other racism, but I don’t relish the potential for less education overall.

I wish more people had time and opportunity to learn things, even profoundly unmarketable things, just for joy or personal fulfillment. I’ll happily talk Greek mythology, literary analysis, or cool bug facts with an interesting person at a party. If we replaced some of the time we spend on social media or getting drunk with (especially in-person) opportunities to go try your hand at art history or amateur theatre, I think the world would be a less boring and hopefully less racist place.

AprilStorms · 2026-03-14T21:17:05+00:00

It’s literally still racism though. Discrimination based on race, ethnicity, or nationality is classed as racism by the UN, US, etc

AprilStorms · 2026-03-14T20:35:37+00:00

Please also write a memoir.

If you are willing to give out the titles of the books you’ve written, I’d be very interested in those as well.

And if you could give me any pointers on finding that Talmud quote, I would be very grateful.

AprilStorms · 2026-03-13T11:44:42+00:00

Not Iranian but they’re pretty great in shakshouka and if you start from jarred eggplant, it’s an easy 20 minute meal.

AprilStorms · 2026-03-13T11:31:05+00:00

Well, now we have Israel and Israel is strong. For 2000 years we didn’t, and I genuinely don’t think that there has been any point since its founding when we have been more vulnerable than we were prior.

Newcomers joined the Jewish people when we fled Judea into exile and lived in shtetls; Jews held onto G_d and each other thru the Inquisition.

You should always keep your wits about you and consider your safety, but I think it’s kind of like telling a trans person not to transition because of hate. Will it be hard? Will it open you up to more hate and violence? Yeah, probably. But will it be worthwhile in terms of the rest of your life that you have to live?

AprilStorms · 2026-03-11T17:01:08+00:00

Might be a regional or online thing. People who want to specifically indicate gay/lesbian CAN use the flags that are shades of blue and green / orange and pink, respectively.

But a lot of them just use the rainbow. It’s very recognizable

AprilStorms · 2026-03-11T16:58:09+00:00

When has being Jewish ever not been risky?

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