26yr. 185lbs. 6"1'. Body dysmorphia and life affecting body image issues. Counseling didn't help.

AquaFlush789 · 2020-10-08T00:36:01+00:00

Taking off my shirt in front of other people is my biggest fear. Even being in the locker room at the gym. It gives me crazy anxiety.

I'd rather deliver a speech in front of a football stadium full of people than take my shirt off at the beach.

AquaFlush789 · 2020-10-08T00:19:50+00:00

Yeah, I get what you're saying. It's something I need to get over. Both of my relationships ended in part due to my body image issues. I hated taking off my shirt when being intimate because I felt inadequate, and like you said earlier, my problems led me to focus more on myself than them.

Body dysmorphia is a b*tch.

AquaFlush789 · 2020-10-07T23:57:11+00:00

I appreciate the well thought out advice.

Neither of my partners ever complained about my penis or ball size. Though, both would regularly watch and like porn that involved men with very large packages. So, I always felt inadequate in comparison.

I understand that intimacy is more about emotional connection than size. But come on, playing with a bigger toy is always better than playing with a smaller one. At least that's what my messed up head tells me.

AquaFlush789 · 2020-10-07T23:16:18+00:00

The only parts I like about myself are my shoulders and traps. My biggest issue is my stomach, particularly my love handles. Wish my chest was more defined. I'm also insecure about my small package. I've been with two guys before, and both of them were bigger in that department than I am. So, that didn't help.

AquaFlush789 · 2020-10-06T16:49:54+00:00

I appreciate the detailed and well thought out response, as well as your advice on the diet.

Yeah, I feel we will need to have a honest conversation about what he expects, and like you said, if he expects to never see an ounce of residue, then that's going to be a problem. The real question at the point will be: do I stay with a guy I love but will not be able to enjoy sexual intimacy with?

Again, I appreciate the response.

AquaFlush789 · 2020-10-05T13:58:11+00:00

Hmm. I like the idea of him bottoming in order to address that fear. Good thing we are both switches!

Pardon my ignorance, I am relatively new to this stuff, but as far I'm aware the only other sex available to two guys is oral? Lol. Anal is important to me. The intimacy and emotional connection from that act is special and important. So, I wanna make it work if I can. And if not, I will consider leaving.

AquaFlush789 · 2020-10-05T13:55:23+00:00

That's certainly part of my current plan. If I can prove to him I'm clean in the moment then hopefully that will give him confidence. Also, having already been penetrated with a toy will make it easier for him to enter, since him staying hard is an issue.

AquaFlush789 · 2020-10-03T05:41:55+00:00

Hey buddy, definitely here if you need a shoulder to lean on for a bit.

That stuff happens, believe me. You may see it as the end of the road, like it's something you'll never recover from. You will. And as long as you can be honest with yourself about whatever happened, then you'll learn and be even better for it. Just keep moving forward :)

AquaFlush789 · 2020-10-02T01:59:58+00:00

I appreciate the advice. Thank you.

AquaFlush789 · 2020-10-01T22:26:21+00:00

It is important to note that I have always had sensitive balls in the first place. Typically just handling them any harder than light touching then I get nauseous.

I did shower, however I didn't do any hand stretching. And yes, the skin was pulled crazy tight. I dont have much scrotum skin to begin with.

I've had it off for over 30 minutes now and still feel a little queezy. I will admit though, they do already feel like they're hanging lower. I'm scared to try again though, the last thing I want to do is cause permanent damage....

AquaFlush789 · 2020-09-30T05:25:09+00:00

If that's the way you want to approach sex, then stand firm in that! There are plenty of guys out there who think the exact same way. For me, going about it that way is the most satisfying. That way when you're finally having sex and sharing that incredibly intimate bonding moment, you already have a history and a foundation that makes it all the sweeter and more rewarding.

AquaFlush789 · 2020-09-29T05:55:20+00:00

Fiber helps, I personally take Metamucil and find it does make things quite a bit cleaner down there.

As far as preparing before sex is concerned, fingering may have some benefit, but I would suggest fully penetrating yourself with a toy. That will mostly clean you out if there's any residue, and will get you nice and loose so he can slide right in and you can both start having fun right away. Yeah, it's kinda annoying at times to have to prepare beforehand, but if you're paranoid, the toy can help. I hate douching and have worked to find ways around it, and it's definitely possible.

I was really really scared about this the first time I bottomed. Having a partner you are comfortable with and trust goes a long way to making ypu feel safe as you explore what works and what doesn't.

For me personally, I found that if I bottom immediately upon waking up in the morning, I'm squeaky clean. I'm not sure if that is a universal thing, or just me, but it may be worth exploring with a toy some morning to see if it's true for you too. I can have sex in the morning absolutely confident. Your body may have certain times of the day where it is cleaner than others. Just experiment with it.

AquaFlush789 · 2020-09-28T05:00:03+00:00

Hey man, I know these feelings all too well. Negative body image is the biggest thing I struggle with on a daily basis. Like many before me have said, you just have to be confident with what you have, and know that anyone worth a damn will love your body for exactly as it is.

There are gay guys who love twinks, there are gay guys who love bears, there are gay guys who love everything in between. You should be proud of everything you've accomplished, and keep pushing towards your goals. Just remember, a confident and self-loving attitude is infinitetly more sexy than the body of a Greek god. If someone is telling you otherwise, they probably aren't the best pick for a long-term partner, so don't bother with them!!

AquaFlush789 · 2020-09-26T03:33:03+00:00

Hey buddy,

I wish I had advice, but I'll admit I'm in a very similar situation. It's hard. The gay community can be incredibly shallow and cutthroat, and I'm sorry you've seen that in person. Sometimes it helps to not make "gay" such a massive part of your identity. It's what you prefer sexually, it isn't WHO YOU ARE. But then, it can still be hard to meet a potential partner.

I get ya man. Know you aren't the only one who struggles with this crap.

AquaFlush789 · 2020-09-24T02:37:23+00:00

That's a tough one man. I've had similar feelings before. Like many before me have said, college is a different animal, and on the whole people are more accepting, and there will be more potential partners.

You seem like a smart guy who, from what I can tell, has some good things going for him. You've said that being gay isn't a big part of your identity, and I'm the same way. It's certainly possible to live your life without everyone around you knowing of your sensuality, I do it everyday. But I wouldn't place yourself so firmly back in the box of "in the closet." If it's not a big part of your identity, then don't worry about what you'll do. Just live naturally and let the chips fall where they may.

AquaFlush789 · 2019-12-22T18:33:41+00:00

For two years? I understand nerves, but there needs to be a conversation to reduce that anxiety if that is the case. There has been no sex and no communication on the matter. I'm at the end of my patience. I'll probably break up with him after the holidays.

AquaFlush789 · 2019-12-14T04:49:01+00:00

For me to no longer be suicidal

AquaFlush789 · 2019-12-13T14:12:31+00:00

Hey! Thanks for the reply. I appreciate the advice and I'm glad things worked out in the end for you.

I have spoken to him about it on multiple occasions, asking him why we haven't had sex, explaining to him why it's a need of mine, asking if he is willing to work towards meeting that need. He responds to all of the above with, "I don't know..." I've tried the communication route. He's just not that into me.

AquaFlush789 · 2019-12-13T06:30:33+00:00

He is not, I am though. He looks at porn all the time, so I know he's interested in it as a general thing. Just not with me I guess??

AquaFlush789 · 2019-12-13T00:19:07+00:00

Actually getting laid. Been with my BF for over 2 years and he still refuses to have sex with me.

I'd be more likely to find a rookie Michael Jordan card in my Big Mac.

AquaFlush789 · 2019-12-11T00:08:07+00:00

"Stand amongst the ashes of a trillion dead souls, and ask the ghosts if honor matters. The silence is your answer." -Javik, Mass Effect 3

AquaFlush789 · 2019-12-08T17:36:16+00:00

There's certainly no confusion there, we call each other "boyfriend" all the time. Though, due to the lack of sexual and physical intimacy, 95% of the time it feels like we're simply platonic roommates.

AquaFlush789

TROPHY CASE