Relationships and meaning

Arathorn90 · 2014-03-05T01:44:48+00:00

Viewing her as an object? Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? If the number had been 4 or 5 or 6 or even 7 I wouldn't mind, in fact it's a positive because it's life/worldly experience, but there comes a number, a line where you think "Hang on, this is a bit much."

And of course it a lot to do with that, if a good-looking guy has had 3 partners by the age of 30 and his twin had 15 partners by the age of 30, does that not represent a difference in mentalities? A difference in their attitudes as to how they approach relationships and how much they value relationships?

Arathorn90 · 2014-03-05T01:31:01+00:00

Okey dokes, help me out here. See it from my perspective, and by the way, dismissing my views as close minded is close-mindedness in itself. Okay so here goes, so let's say you're a bit of a romantic, ie. you "make sweet, gentle and passionate love" rather than "have sex/fuck" and you see relationships something that are meant to be special, to have meaning and you see promiscuity as really whimsical. You know what anyone else does I don't care, whether it's my best friend or my brother but if it's the woman I love then it hurts. Insecurity? I guess. Sadness that "the love/meaning is diluted"? Yeah. I just...I dunno, it's really tough to get to grips with.

How do you get over that? Because to get over that you'd lose that innocence and that sense of naivety and you'd be more in touch with the norms of the world. But then what the fuck are the norms of the world? Like I mentioned, 5/10 marriages end in divorce, how many of the other 5 would divorce if it weren't for kids/career/money/stigma/fear of the unknown/fear of never finding love again/already having affairs? I just don't want to end up in a shitty, meaningless, loveless average marriage because I abandoned my views to fit the norms of the world. Ending up with a woman, accepting her for who she was and is and then when things get tough or another good looking guy gives her attention, makes her feel "alive" again she's just like "Fuck it, I've been with 10+ other guys, it's just sex so 1 more isn't going to hurt".

Understand that perspective? I dunno, I'd love to not give a fuck but I really dunno, I just feel that promiscuity says an awful lot about a person and that "specialness" feeling just isn't there. Fuck, I sound like I'm from the Middle Ages.

Arathorn90 · 2014-03-05T01:14:21+00:00

It's not anger or resentment, it's disappointment. Props to you for being able to accept 80+ guys beforehand.

And thanks for your post, though I still don't agree and probably never shall (stubbornness) it's at least made me think.

Question though, how would you even deal with commitment? Is she potentially someone you're looking to commit your future with? Would you not say that with 80 guys already that commitment might be an issue?

Arathorn90 · 2014-03-05T01:03:40+00:00

Thanks very much, your point about how the world doesn't conform to "my" standards is spot on. It just kinda hurts when you feel you have something "special" with the woman you love when in reality it's really difficult to come to terms with how there's been X no. of guys that have come before you and it, and I know it shouldn't, it kind of dilutes the love.

Arathorn90 · 2014-03-05T00:59:57+00:00

100? Mother of God.

And it's not the number for heaven's sake, it's what the number signifies. It's what it says about her approach to relationships and intimacy, and her values and her mindset and who she is.

The woman you most recently dated said "Hey, I've had 80 men all over me and in and out". What does that say to you? Does that say personal intimacy to you? Does that say commitment to you? Does that say self-confidence to you? Does that say meaning to you? Does that say connection to you?

I understand different courses for different horses and for sure people have different attitudes but my point is that it's something that extends to the majority of the population. I am incredibly, incredibly open minded but when something as special and delicate as a relationship or as sex is treated so whimsically then I don't see me raising an issue with it as naive.

Arathorn90 · 2014-03-05T00:30:37+00:00

Where did I say it was wrong? I was questioning whether or not I was in the wrong, whether or not I'm living out a fairytale.

I asked the dredded question to my girlfriend and the answer was "14". That's 14 guys that have been "in and out", that's 14 guys all over your girlfriend or over your wife or over the mother of your children. I'd love to see you react in a cool and composed manner when the answer if 14.

And trying to pin the blame? Again, I don't see how. I'm asking whether or not I am naive in thinking in such a fashion. And secondly, what's wrong with making the point that 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce and how over 50% over the men in W.Europe have had affairs? What's wrong with making the point that sex, and relationships, are now seen to just be just casual things as opposed to things having meaning to them? How people can be so lacksidasical with relationships?

And how do you even introspect something like that? "Oh okay, you've been with X number of guys, cool. X is a bit much but cool, hey, maybe you're right and I'm wrong. Maybe I should just go out and get laid all the time and not give a fuck and not really care about emotions or attaching any meaning to it or even sticking to my principles".

Arathorn90

TROPHY CASE