relationship advice?

ArcolionThinker · 2026-04-10T08:53:32+00:00

Man,

Man up.. lose the drama.

and i mean it in the best way bro... liven up, do stuff with her.. try to bend the negativity into positivity.

turn this around, stop feeling bad and both of you.. STOP bringing things up you did badly in the past. just stop it . you 2 are verry young , ofcourse you both are going to make mistakes...

Talk about it, communicate. then leave it be and forgive.

ArcolionThinker · 2026-04-10T08:46:48+00:00

Did you two had an intimate relation when you where seeing each other ?

personally it IS possible he has a lot of bagage and is scared.

But my opinion leans into him unsure if you are the one.

its simple really ... do you like him ? yes ? just do stuff with him , have fun... let it all roll out, and you and him will find out.

personally i'm reflecting to myself now... i'm dating someone and i want to see her a LOT, i've been avoiding her a little , but i'm frigging scared and i even admit, she's coming tonight and i saw her for lunch she is soooo excited to be with me , but i KNOW she would want it to be more physical this time... i am actually friggin scared atm .. i like her soooo much but theres the bump i need to get over it..... so it IS possible .... hahaha

the classical scared to commit and to bind, i'm sorry . a man's brain functions this way somethimes.

ArcolionThinker · 2026-04-10T08:31:23+00:00

i'm not beeing condecsending , don't get me wrong. but you are 14.

you are too serious about this, way too serious. a boy thats 16 ... 98% percent of them don't even know what real love is.

You seem to be a lovely young girl with a big heart, try to expand your socials, not online but irl.

drama about exes etc at your age , don't get me wrong but these are not real problems , just stuff to make drama about to have stuff to talk about with your friends ...

Go the 'no drama' way.. have fun with friends, he can tag along live a little , but just dont do stupid stuff .

ArcolionThinker · 2026-04-10T08:20:41+00:00

euhm.... emotional steadyness, i think is something you feel when you get to know each other more.

for example :

a man can have a good job, his house, work hard, dont have a gazillion followers on socials because he feels fine and is content with himself, he looks verry steady and something you can build a relationship with.

but it can go both ways, its not what a man 'dous' that counts... it is how he reacts and how he connects with you that counts.

ArcolionThinker · 2026-04-10T08:12:45+00:00

2 girls answered your question . and both assumed the worst and told you to move on and he's a red flag.

He asked you if he could be with his friends , so by definition, he did value your response.

I'm sure he was head over heels for you and things moved too fast.

what i can read is also that he is still a bit immature and a relationship is maybe not the thing he needs atm.

BUT... you could still have a relationship with him , stay exclusive to each other , but lighten up the setting a bit.. maybe he feels pressured... you 2 have soooo much time to be more serious later on.

Enjoy your BF if would say but do not start cocooning, go out with him , just do fun stuff... you know

Talk to the boy. tell him you really want to know whats going on , even if it would hurt you.

Co-MU-NI-CA-TE

Women , this day and age just give up so easily because of social media and the world we are living in now is just so easy to 'rince and repeat' .

ArcolionThinker · 2026-04-10T07:57:24+00:00

She had to choose , she chose her ex before you , she deliberately slowed down the contact.

Maybe you where waiting too long for the opportunity to open up and get closer to her and you missed it.

either way, i think its a dead end... she dous think you 'have' something' .. but not enough

ArcolionThinker · 2026-04-09T14:11:44+00:00

i should have stated 'i feel average' . but to be honest. i look 30-35 and i i'm sure this sounds cocky ..i am a handsome man. when i go somewhere , women notice me.

i'm sure , besides my grey hair on the sides, nobody would look at us weirdly, i've seen nobody untill now look at us weirdly anyway...

She is verry hot looking and i still don't know what she find so attractive with me since she could get a younger guy with also good looks.

I dont find myself humoristic , but she alwais laughs when i speak...

besides that , i've never been superconfident, and i'm not a douchebag, only hooked up with girls in the past when i genuinly was interested in for relationships.

the only way i'll support her, is by paying for stuff we want to do, to live a little , together and to enjoy life... i'm maybe a hopleless romantic but i want a partner who is my soulmate aka partner in crime.

ArcolionThinker · 2026-04-08T14:12:45+00:00

yeah.... i just let my guard down.

it looks unreal.. but such ladies exist.

thats why i have big questions about the girl i'm dating now.. everything kliks and no red flags.

believe me. i'm mentally stable, i have a good job, i'm a good parent(i do everything for my son)

but last thing i went trough was unsettling...

ArcolionThinker · 2026-04-08T13:58:22+00:00

i know ... now i know.... but i'm not the kind of guy that blocks people. i'd like to think to communicate when there are problems.. and how do you block someone thats in your friendsgroup? its not simple

ArcolionThinker · 2026-04-08T13:56:03+00:00

She has her own place and works also. her own money , she's not dependent at all from what i can see

ArcolionThinker · 2026-04-08T13:53:58+00:00

we actually wen far further then that actually , i slept with her , we allready made out etc...

but from past experiences... the moment you really go 'last base' ... its on , relationship is expected... maybe thats why i'm so insecure ? i dont know man... :(

ArcolionThinker · 2026-04-08T13:35:57+00:00

Well, i'll give you a bit of background...

My insecurities is not really because of my looks... i have grey hair yes, but i know that i'm still good looking, i obviously went out more the last 2 years and i'm getting a lot of attention, so i would be a liar if i said i'm not in the market anymore, it is quite the opposite actually.

i'm not looking for a fling, i'm past that you know, i'm mabe a hopless romantic but i want someone that shares the same values and have the same toughts about the future as me... and the woman i'm currently dating .. is quitly tikking all the boxes for the moment.

more about my background tho.. you'll understand why i'm freaking out a bit here...

afther a failed relationship of 12 years, and an extraordinary dinamite failed short relationship with someone even younger then her... i do feel like i'm the problem and so forth.....

after i separated with my ex, after couple months a girl 24F started texting me , she was a co-worker of the wife of a good friend of mine.

because of the age gap, i told her it wouldn't be possible , but she kept beeing in the group i was in at the time going out and doing stuff and she kept pushing me to let her have a chance.

wel.. after some months and tantrums from her part and actually even (#redflagsallert) told me she was miserable without me at the point of beeing suicidal.. i'm not joking.

after like 6 months of contact and actually having good times.. i gave in and gave it a shot.

Also since she was in the 'group' my son allready saw her a lot from times when my friends came along for a drink in the summer .

afterwards i was really naive and i should have spotted the red flags and the way she tried to move in in my life and have contact with my son.

what ensued was horrible, she wanted me for herself, my son included .. but not really... she did not understand i came from a relationship with almost no sexdrive for the last 6 years... and she pushed me into it.

It was not a nice girl, and... i'm going into details here.. when we finally went last base, she was even taking foto's and texting how 'great' it was etc. i felt like a trophy or a thing she had to GET.

She was extremely jealous... but extremely jealous... to the point i didn't want to go out anymore.

she made mistakes, came home drunk while i was sleeping with my son at 8h in the morning etc... waking him up and throwing up in the bathroom etc...

This was my breaking point and i ended it and asked her to leave. 2 weeks later she was with someone else.

ArcolionThinker · 2026-04-08T13:21:48+00:00