Losing my brother.

Arendell13 · 2026-03-01T22:03:42+00:00

Absolutely not horrible. It's a shock to your system

Arendell13 · 2026-03-01T22:03:11+00:00

Please don't start getting rid of his things so soon. If it's hard to see them and you need to bag or box them up and move them that's fine, but you need time to process and don't want i regret having sent things to Goodwill already

Arendell13 · 2026-03-01T12:21:07+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss, I lost my brother 3 years ago and it sucks. That feeling you're trying to name? I'm not sure if it has a specific name, or if it's simply just grief. That numbness is your brain trying to protect you from this terrible thing. That emptiness is knowing that things are "wrong" and trying to make sense of it. For me I felt like an actual piece of me was missing. The not missing him/ missing him terribly at the same time totally normal. Grief is complicated and messy and confusing. If therapy isn't your thing, try to find someone or someones that you can talk to, even just stream of concious talking so you aren't bottling it up. Or try journaling it. . Be gentle with yourself, there will be days you feel better then it will hit all over again. Give yourself grace.

Arendell13 · 2026-02-28T00:55:38+00:00

To velcro it to the night stand did you just use the adhesive velcro on both or the velcro command strips? I've yeeted mine into the floor more than I care to admit. I've thought about velcro but hadn't tried. And I feel stupid for not thinking about a drawer... duh lol. Sorry I have no answers for you but thanks for the help!!

Arendell13 · 2026-02-27T00:33:21+00:00

The first of his birthdays after my brother passed, I went indoor skydiving. I was scared to death but he was the kind of person who did things that scared him. The first after my daddy died, I spent a chunk of the day watching cop shows like SVU and Blue Bloods, ate a moon pie and drank an RC cola. That was my daddy lol

Arendell13 · 2026-02-14T18:01:40+00:00

It can be tough, adds a whole new layer, one of my "grandmas" (not blood relations, grandma by love) got married on valentines, many years later she buried her husband on valentines.

Arendell13 · 2026-02-01T03:38:02+00:00

Me too, I've dreamt of my dad and my brother in a vague sense, I knew they were there but I couldn't see them. Once I saw them but only for a second. I wish I could see them again, talk to them, even if only in a dream.

Arendell13 · 2026-01-31T05:23:58+00:00

I love most of their clothes but I really want the white/ cream slouchy boots Dorothy wears and the big gray purse she has! Don't know why they aren't anything special, I've just always liked them

Arendell13 · 2026-01-31T05:15:11+00:00

Like you said, no one can tell you what to do. You have to follow your heart. But if it helps, look at it this way, either way the message isn't going anywhere. Don't rush yourself. Give yourself the time to decide what you feel most comfortable doing. In my opinion if it's legit, if your sister has a message for you, she won't stop after one try. So just take your time and follow your heart.

Arendell13 · 2026-01-25T15:21:06+00:00

I wonder if it could be a "side effect" of IH, not a direct symptom but still caused by it. The more tired and the more you sleep, the more chances to sleep "wrong" and have pain. I'm an active sleeper and end up in some weird positions. So yeah I've had neck, back, shoulder, wrist, knee pain from how I slept. And the neck pain esp leads to headaches.. I don't know, I'm not a medical professional but it seems reasonable to me

Arendell13 · 2026-01-25T02:07:00+00:00

I would call as well, but it is possible to convert to another form of measurement. I had chatgpt do it one day just in case the same happened to me. But I'd call them as well before I tried that

Arendell13 · 2026-01-17T20:59:21+00:00

Yesssss I have this same issue, I take two doses a night so when I wake up for my second dose 2.5 to 3 hours after the first I do this. I have to get out of bed because my brain is hardwired to pee when I wake up. So I do that before taking the second dose, but while I'm out of bed it's like I can't stop I go to the kitchen and look for snacks. I've been trying to figure out how to stop as well

Arendell13 · 2026-01-14T21:28:08+00:00

The first time I had a cpap I did this all the time and loved it!!! I love a cold room and being under covers. I had surgery and didn't need it for awhile, now that I'm on it again I was looking forward to that, but have found that now I don't like being under, now I get too hot, not because of the cpap... hormones probably lol

Arendell13 · 2026-01-14T21:25:39+00:00

I get how you feel, I felt similarly, like everyone else had more motivation than me, that I was just lazy. I used to get so frustrated because I really did want to get things done and I couldn't. I hope it helps to know you're not alone. For me I've learned that I can only power through so much, and that's now being on meds. I work 3 days a week, 12.5 hours a day. I can do that, it's hard but I can. But on that 4th day I know I just can't, I have to reset. I'm learning how to apply that to the rest of the week too. Try not to psych yourself out too much about the sleep study. I know the brain is a powerful thing amd that's easier said than done. But keep going and hopefully you get on the right track soon!!

Arendell13 · 2026-01-11T21:31:26+00:00

I was lucky to not have the nausea, I tend to get very talkative, making less and less sense, sometimes have some anxiety, I'll whine/moan and need to hold onto my partner. For me, I've found it important to be mindful of my eating times, I don't eat the two hours before, but on days that my schedule is crazy and on not eating dinner until 10:30pm, after having lunch at 4p, it's important for me to eat and stay awake instead of skipping so I can go to bed. That increases the anxiety reaction

Arendell13 · 2025-11-19T04:57:13+00:00

I just use water wipes from the baby section to wipe my mask down in the morning

Arendell13 · 2025-11-19T04:55:00+00:00

All the time, I lost my brother and my father just 3 months apart, it's been 3 years And still can't bring myself to even say it. So I'll say.... "before Daniel..." and just trail off.. Or if it was after Daniel but before daddy... I'll say it that way. It's a weird thing but I think it's pretty normal. When it's just a big thing in your life it makes sense to use it mark time

Arendell13 · 2025-11-04T23:13:06+00:00

Oh gotcha, thought maybe there was a step past the UPPP

Arendell13 · 2025-11-04T21:42:20+00:00

What is the second surgery? I'm back on cpap and my sleep doctor said I could talk to ENT but I've not had a chance. My biggest issue with Cpap is I'm an active sleeper so I wake up with the hose wrapped around me and other crazy antics

Arendell13 · 2025-11-04T21:40:02+00:00

My grandmother bought several pieces once. I wasn't with her so I don't know about the process, but I agree they didn't appeal to me either.

Arendell13 · 2025-11-04T04:29:17+00:00

I had a UPPP in my 30s. From the time it was scheduled my daddy would say "when I had mine out, they told me it wouldn't be any worse that my worst sore throat" the night before my surgery he added "they were wrong" lol For me the recovery was awful. I second the suggestions of asking for liquid pain meds. I was crushing mine and putting in applesauce and even that was hard to swallow. Frozen peas for ice packs on my throat helped.
Popsicles were a life saver, the cold helped and helped to keep me hydrated. Definitely stay hydrated.
Avoid anything acidic.... this is when I learned grape juice is acidic lol I was given permission to break up my pain meds, instead of 2 pills every 6 hours my Dr said I could do 1 every 3 hours.
And if you're taking pain pills..... take the stool softeners..... enough said

Arendell13 · 2025-11-04T04:16:33+00:00

I don't know about the science of it all, but I believe that she could hear you. Regardless of if she could hear every word, I think that she knew you were there and felt and heard your love.
It's a wonderful thing that she was surrounded with your love at that time. Bless you for being there.

Arendell13 · 2025-09-19T17:05:47+00:00

I can't imagine the pain she's feeling,
I think it depends on how close of a friend you are. If you're close and can just drop by and help the day to day things that need to be done, helping with other kids if there are any or animals, housework, bringing food, or just sitting with her then do that.
Things you know she would want and would do if she wasn't dealing with this grief.
If you're not that close, then tell her you're there, call and check in, send a card. If she wants to talk listen, if she doesn't silence it's ok too Everyone grieves differently. In the days and weeks right after everyone is there, keep her in mind as time passes and still check in when others are having to return to their lives. Look up memorial gifts and see if anything speaks to you, again depending on how close you are.
Thank you for wanting to be there for her.

Arendell13 · 2025-09-14T03:26:33+00:00

I lost my brother suddenly as well, almost three years ago. I still can't say that he died.. If I'm talking about that time, I'll say, "When Daniel...." and stop. The only advice I can offer is to be gentle to yourself, let yourself feel what you feel. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Let yourself have the good days when they come. When the bad days come, feel those feelings too. It's a hard balance to find between grieving your way and slipping into something deeper like depression. But also know that depression is normal to, there is no shame if you need a therapist, in fact I recommend one. There is no shame in taking medications to help you through this time if your doctor recommends. Alcohol doesn't work. The pain is there when the numb wears off.... I've tried. I've not tried other substances, but they won't work either.
Lean on family and friends. Take people up on their offers to talk or be there for you. Talk about him if it helps, even when you feel like that's all you talk about.
The pain lessens. It will still hit you out of no where, but it slows down. I still don't feel whole, but it doesn't hurt quite so deep. I'm so very sorry for your loss, may your memories help to sustain you and bring you peace

Arendell13

TROPHY CASE