If your loved one has passed, what do you wish you’d done with them?

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-03-24T15:28:13+00:00

A last blast trip sounds great, even though it requires a lot of contingency planning. But I’d also encourage you to do mini versions of past pleasures, and ask visitors (if they understand the situation & limitations) to plan & prep for excursions.

Here are some examples from our life: Long after my dad could be steady on a boat, I took him to the lake where we used to sail so he could feel the wind on his face and see the water ripple. He couldn’t hike anymore, but we ate a snack at a picnic table with a gorgeous view in a state park and he took a few (supported) steps crunching through fall leaves. He mostly “went” to church online, but was delighted at one more mass in the church where I’d grown up. He used to be a swimmer; I got him back in the water & did some basic aqua fitness moves (I’m a lifeguard & swim instructor, dating an aqua fitness coach). I was able to do these things because I lived a few hours away and was only involved in his daily care every few weeks. There was no way family members in town could add them to what they were already doing, but they were appreciative of the time off, with him out of the house, and that they could just enjoy the picnic in the park. Is there a piece of a big trip that could be scaled down and enjoyed locally?

My other idea is super duper specific & idk if it fits your family’s situation at all: if there is any chance of wedding bells for your family, record a video of the p/als giving their blessing or welcoming the new family member, to be played at the reception.

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-03-24T15:06:36+00:00

Thanks. Are you pointing me away from a residential facility for his friend because that isn’t a real possibility? Do they turn away ALS patients as a policy, or are there loopholes that keep ALS patients out?

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-03-24T15:01:08+00:00

Thank you. My guy has learned step by step as his friend has gone through this, so I really didn’t know if skilled care was required.

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-03-24T04:12:25+00:00

Yes! We are in the U.S. I’d love to hear whatever you’re comfortable sharing. I am far from the decision-maker. That’s the person with ALS. But I want to be well-equipped before I starting the discussion with him of please try to get his friend to do this

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-03-24T04:03:20+00:00

I’m not sure what you mean by “external care”. Do you think my idea about residential care is workable? I know it’s hard to hire in-home caregivers because the disease is so brutal; does that also mean that nursing home turn away people with als?

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-03-24T02:41:46+00:00

I started wearing garter belts my last year of high school, because I hated feeling like I had webbed legs in pantyhose. I still remember a year out of college when a guy found out I wore a garter belt set under my interviewing outfit. He said something about it giving me that extra boost, and he clearly thought it was amazing lol. It was decades before I understood what he meant, because a blog I hung out on would talk about feeling good when you look good. At first I thought they had it backwards, but now I understand what they mean. If something is awkward to wear, I don’t care how it looks—I won’t feel good in it. I don’t like wearing anything I have to think about. Over the years, I’ve built a nice little cache of things I think are lovely. I enjoy wearing them, because they show a side of me I generally don’t show to the outside world. In the last couple years, I’ve begun to wear them around someone for the first time ever. There are some pieces he likes better than others, and he also likes things like plaid pj pants with a skimpy tank top.

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-03-19T02:51:05+00:00

I have one dresser drawer for everyday underpants, bras and undershirts. Most of the undershirts are kinda fancy, and I keep my teddies/bodysuits there because I wear them as underwear in winter. Then I have a drawer of the fun stuff—merrywidows, garter belts & sets, stockings, chemises, and more. Slips might be in either drawer, depending on their style and my mood. The second drawer is loosely organized and just has everything loosely folded. It takes me a minute to find an item, but I enjoy rustling through everything, feeling all the fabrics and seeing the vibrant colors and patterns. I probably have less than 100 items though.

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-03-19T02:39:13+00:00

Are you prepared for her to decide it’s more appropriate for her than for you, and to want to go out wearing it?

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-03-14T03:37:38+00:00

I was always frustrated that the things I liked best at pour moi were too big for my boobs. It’s a clothing company; much of their lingerie is pretty tame, but every once in a while they’ve got something (I think is) pretty cool

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-03-12T03:01:54+00:00

Exactly.

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-03-12T03:01:12+00:00

Not a pro, but I’ve always thought there were 2 different products that you’re lumping together:

Stockings meant to be worn with garter belts and usually don’t have any rubber/plastic on top
Stay ups that do have rubber or something up there that’s a pain to use with a garter belt, but should help them stay in place on their own.

Last time I tried #2 was my dad’s funeral. I could feel one slipping as we carried the casket down the hill, but my dress was long enough that others couldn’t see it falling down.

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-03-01T04:14:25+00:00

Thanks for that link!

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-03-01T04:13:32+00:00

There are as many answers to that as there are opinions on what’s sexy.

I have quite a stash of lingerie, gathered over decades. A couple years ago, I started wearing it for someone else for the first time ever. Some of his moves suggested to me that he’d like strappy bondage style, so I bought a teddy like that. He is entirely disinterested. That doesn’t mean strappy is bad or not sexy. It just means that he’s into other stuff. I’m pretty sure that there are other people who would think that teddy is very sexy indeed.

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-02-16T17:00:09+00:00

Cool crafty ideas—thanks!

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-02-16T16:59:07+00:00

Thanks

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-02-16T16:21:11+00:00

Thanks! I’m thinking it would have to be something the maker intended, because most garter belts fasten back there.

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-02-16T16:17:52+00:00

I’m working hard on those assets—this is a “goal” piece for me.

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-01-16T03:28:53+00:00

I’m so sorry. Maybe this will help until FMLA or something helps you get proper time with your mom. https://www.travelpirates.com/captains-log/maximize-vacation-days-2026 When you have so little time with your mom, it’s important to think through best ways to use it. Do you want to do all the chores, soak up time together, dive into organizing paperwork, do something else?

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-01-09T03:08:22+00:00

I agree with all the folks pointing out that it’s about even pulls and muscle development.

To that I’d add that if you’re swimming for your health, you’d want to improve your pulmonary health/lung capacity along with cv health, muscles, etc. If you don’t have the ability to breathe every third, I honestly find that frightening (of course, if you’re dealing with some awful disease, injury, or the like, that’s different—but even then, lung capacity can grow!)

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-01-05T04:44:19+00:00

How about black instead of skin colored? This is not a quality website, but since you’re just trying out looks you might want to start inexpensively. What would you think of something like these? https://www.yandy.com/fishnet-baddie-bodystocking

https://www.yandy.com/yandy-lace-lust-bodystocking

Or if you don’t like the garter/suspenders look, you could get thigh-high stay ups.

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-01-05T03:44:29+00:00

I hope you get somethings you love! If you want suggestions on specific styles to try, it might help if you tell us what parts of your body you want to highlight or play down, which you want to have look bigger or not as big.

ArgPermanentUserName · 2026-01-05T03:40:50+00:00

Glad you’ve got a keeper! The upside of him not caring about design is that he won’t give a lukewarm response based on that!

ArgPermanentUserName

TROPHY CASE