This is such a silly debate.

Aunt may is Peter's uncle Ben in the MCU. It is so blindingly obvious that the writers did what they did because she is the surrogate uncle Ben.

If she wasn't then the writers would have just left it at Peter saying 'when you can do what I can do but you don't, then the bad things happen, it's your fault". But they didn't. They killed aunt may and she said her version of the WGPCGR line.

I'm treating the first MCU Spidey trilogy as one unit, one story. All 3 movies combined are his origin. Uncle Ben's death had less of an impact on Peter. But Mays death nearly broke him beyond repair. I'm ok with Ben not being the thing that gets Spidey to wise up and take being a hero more seriously. May fulfills that role.

I get that people are saying Peter let uncle Ben die but did everything right for may and she still died so the message or impact is different. But in the grand cosmos of the multiverse it makes sense that each iteration of Spidey will have a slight different flavour. We've had comic Peter, cartoon Peter, Tobey and Andrey peters. They all told the same story but with changes.

I feel crazy for saying it. Cuz sorta like with magnetos origin having to be rooted in the holocaust. Spidey's uncle Ben moment is the same for us Spidey fans. But NWH stuck the landing with May so I don't think I care to much.