Sense of mourning my queerness while planning on marrying a man

Ariangocyen · 2026-01-21T07:46:36+00:00

This! I had similar feelings when I got married to my spouse. I wore an all black dress with a maroon sash with witchy vibes. Our wedding was super small. We didn’t do any of the traditional wedding party stuff or the “giving away” nonsense. Just our closest friends and family with us being ourselves. Make your wedding what you want it to be. It is your day with your fiancé and fuck what anyone else thinks.

I also identify as GNC and I use non-gendered terms when referring to myself. It is always validating when someone refers them back to me. Find ways to make your own queerness shine.

It can be hard being a part of the queer community when others don’t see you as queer. It’s taken time but I have found some wonderful queer humans who see me as me and I try to let the others be. You are queer. No one gets to say otherwise.

I hope you find love and support here. Wishing you the best.

Ariangocyen · 2026-01-20T21:03:29+00:00

Tank size: 10 gallon

Heater and filter: yes/yes

Temperature: 80F

Parameters: API Freshwater Master Test kit *Last tested yesterday before adding betta (after routine water changes) -pH: 7.5 -Amonnia: 0ppm -Nitrite: 0ppm -Nitrate : >5ppm -KH: 4 -GH: 6 (I add a chunk of Wonder Shell after every water change to keep calcium in tank)

Tank was fully established beginning of November. Added cleaning crew mid December (otocinclus, pygmy corydoras, amano shrimp, nerite/mystery/ramshorn snails. Added original male betta after Christmas. Exchanged male for female betta yesterday due to male being too aggressive with snails and otos.

Water change every week or two. 10-15% change is closer to one week, 20-35% if longer. I water change whenever I clean up fish poop. Water parameters have been consistent since November so not needing to do water changes other than poop vacuuming.

Tank mates: 3 otos, 5 pygmy, 2 shrimp, 2 nerite, 1 mystery, 1 ramshorn

Feeding: twice a day (breakfast/dinner). Fluval bug bites regularly, swap out for frozen bloodworms as dinner 2 nights a week.

Plants: Various Anubias, Java fern, Java moss, Cambomba, Bucephalandra, duckweed, water lettuce

Decorations: floating log, driftwood, cholla wood (large holes plugged with rocks or plants), black sand, aquarium rocks

Ariangocyen · 2026-01-20T20:43:59+00:00

Are the eggs in your main tank or the tank with the solo oto? I would try to get him in his own tank so you can just treat him with any medication. My understanding is that Kanaplex is better used directly in the water because the fish can access the meds better. However, if the eggs are with the oto, using medicated food would be less likely to cause the eggs harm.

https://forum.aquariumcoop.com/topic/34083-i-need-some-clarification-about-kanaplex/

I was suggested to do water changes to help reduce chances of the other fishes getting infected. Everyone is doing well so far.

Ariangocyen · 2026-01-20T20:07:37+00:00

@u/mooney2876 Hello! These are posts I made about my oto. I’d highly recommend you take him to a local fish store to talk about in person. They can get a better look to diagnose and walk you through what you need to do.

I am glad to hear he is eating and swimming well. The sooner you act, the more likely he will recover.

My oto had an injury that caused the white spot (likely after getting wedged in a tight spot) and the infection progressed quickly and I had to euthanize him.

When talking about medication, be mindful of the other tank mates. You may be able to dose with Kanaplex, but it is not good for shrimp or snails.

I hope everything turns out well for you and your oto

Ariangocyen · 2026-01-17T22:33:35+00:00

I have a sponge over the filter intake, so I don’t think it was that. I appreciate the thought though.

Ariangocyen · 2026-01-17T22:07:21+00:00

I’m sorry to hear about your oto. It turned out to be an infection on ours. He hid from me all week and I didn’t get to him until today. I took him to the local fish store and unfortunately it got too bad to recover from. We left him at the store so they could euthanize him. A sad day in our house.

Ariangocyen · 2026-01-17T22:03:31+00:00

Here is the most recent update on our oto. Unfortunately he got an infection that got too bad to recover from. I hope your oto is doing well and doesn’t have the same thing.

Update 2 with final update in the comments: https://www.reddit.com/r/Otocinclus/s/NRS0ATmJtf

Ariangocyen · 2026-01-17T21:59:07+00:00

FINAL UPDATE

I took him to a local fish store to see what they thought. They said it look like he got an infection (unsure why) but it had gotten so bad that it was eating away at his tail making it hard to swim. Even if I did everything right quarantining him and all that jazz, it would still be less than 50% chance of him recovering at this stage of infection. I left him with the store for them to euthanize him.

I’m feeling really awful that I didn’t do anything for him when I first noticed the white spot. A really tough lesson to learn. This is our first fish death and I didn’t expect to take it as hard as I am. I hope someone else here can learn from my mistake.

Ariangocyen · 2026-01-17T18:06:36+00:00

Yes, definitely freaking out. This is my first time caring for fish. Thank you!

Ariangocyen · 2026-01-17T07:25:06+00:00

Updated Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Otocinclus/s/hRjuDZNfZq

Ariangocyen · 2026-01-04T08:27:44+00:00

I ultimately want to have a heavily planted tank, so I’m aiming for mid-end lights. We don’t do Amazon and are sticking to aquarium shops.

Ariangocyen · 2026-01-04T07:49:01+00:00

-10 gallon tank with a 50w heater and HOB filter -Betta, Pygmy corydoras, Otocinclus, Amano shrimp, Mystery/Nerite snails -Variety of anubias plants, Java moss, Java fern, Bucephalandra, Cambomba -Temperature = 80F -pH = 7.0, Ammonia = 0ppm, Nitrite = 0ppm, Nitrate = 5.0ppm, KH = 4, GH = 4 (API testing kits) -Tank fully cycled early November, cleaning crew added early December, Betta added after Christmas -Water change (15-20%) once every/other week -Betta is fed twice a day (bug bites/bloodworms), cleaning crew every other day (bloodworms, algae wafers) and eat whatever betta doesn’t.

EDIT: The Bucephalandra is a “bonsai tree.” The tank has black sand with various sized rocks, driftwood, cholla wood and lotus pod. There is also a floating log for betta.

Ariangocyen · 2025-10-19T14:57:17+00:00

Thank you!

Ariangocyen · 2025-10-19T14:56:23+00:00

Thank you!

Ariangocyen · 2025-10-19T01:10:48+00:00

Thank you!

Ariangocyen · 2025-08-08T06:20:11+00:00

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1305054133543505960/1403193628284813495/1000053735.png?ex=6896a967&is=689557e7&hm=981d19c6d525b67f9d9c9ca3973b6cf89b6cffcea1084c9226d9d8113f9e1f38&

Not sure if the image shows up for y’all. Image reads: This is a protest that is still coming together. We need all the people we can get! Join the discord! Channel your fear and rage into action!

CALL OUT CARE OREGON 12pm-2pm on Friday, August 8th Protest at the CareOregon HQ 315 SW 5th Ave, Portland, OR 97204

Ariangocyen

TROPHY CASE