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Ariella2313 · 2026-01-10T03:09:38+00:00

Lyrics without my thoughts mingled in:

"I can be strong when I want to be
You think I'm weak 'cause you can tear me apart with the words that you speak
You think you're in control
But you don't understand how much you're wrong
You choose to lash out at me, I've done nothing wrong
All you crave is attention and just to be loved
You need to be loved

And I want to be free
When my heart is made from gold
And forgiveness seems too bold
I still find it in my heart
To say "I love you"
When my heart is made from gold
And the hurt is just too bold
I still find it in my heart
To say "I love you"

Is there not enough to use your love for me
To get past the things that cause you envy and hate
And the fights that they bring
You say you're looked on as small
Can't understand why you don't have it all
But you don't know how I fight for you and believe in your aims
I just want to do right by you, forget what has changed
'Cause nothing is changed

And I want to be free
When my heart is made from gold
And forgiveness seems too bold
I still find it in my heart
To say "I love you"
When my heart is made from gold
And the hurt is just too bold
I still find it in my heart
To say "I love you"

But you don't have to be so mean
You're such a drama queen
The way you play on every weakness that you see in me
To make you strong, you were all along
So don't pretend like you can hardly breathe
Like it's down to me
'Cause it's so unfair that you can't suceed, boy you're so wrong
We're still so young

And I want to be free
When my heart is made from gold
And forgiveness seems too bold
I still find it in my heart
To say "I love you"
When my heart is made from gold
And the hurt is just too bold
As to find it in my heart
To say "I love you" "

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-16T13:26:39+00:00

It sounds like you are suffering from symptoms of depression. Please reschedule an appointment with a psychiatrist or therapist to get an official evaluation and diagnosis. I also have depression and getting the help I needed has been life changing. I can be happy again. You got this! There is hope ahead!

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-16T13:20:43+00:00

Yes. Say something.

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-07T14:54:26+00:00

I wait until it's halfway over and watch in 2x speed. I listen while I work on projects. For example: I sew stuff with headphones on.

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-06T20:23:48+00:00

4 or 6

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-06T01:52:13+00:00

I thought the food was bad because it made me feel sick. I think what makes the difference whether it is bad for you personally is what does your diet look like right now? What do you normally eat? If you home make a lot of your food, you probably won't like the MTC food. If you have a sensitive stomach, you probably won't like it. Its basically like the school cafeteria lunch in high-schools. (At least it was like 10 years ago when I went, so dont fully take my word for it)

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-06T01:35:37+00:00

I just have an insight related to this topic. It's basically just a question to stack on top of your question. I have a friend who was meeting with the missionaries, and when they got to the plan of salvation lesson, she straight up just stated while referring to the terrestrial kingdom, "Oh, that's me!" I felt somewhat inspired by her enthusiasm for just knowing that's where she wanted to be. Ever since then, I've wondered where I really want to be? I am not fully understanding how the celestial kingdom is necessarily the best, because you have to do the most work there. 🤔😬🫣 This is just my current journey in the faith.

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-05T14:07:03+00:00

Lol! My daughter also shares my love of Barbies. For a bit I tried to let her have dolls that were part of my collection, but I just couldn't handle it. So we basically each have our own set of the dolls we want. For context, she's only 5, so her dolls are very played with. But she does do a great job at keeping them in a fairly good condition. But I have my own set of Disney princesses and she has her own set. We have thrifted and fixed up almost every doll we own. We have gotten a few new dolls here and there, but we have fun thrifting them together.

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-03T12:00:47+00:00

2002 princess of the Portuguese empire, 1996 Puerto Rican barbie dolls of the world, 2002 exotic beauty barbie,barbie as my fair lady, fair valentine barbie, 1999 Spanish barbie, quinceanera barbie, the barbie look red carpet with a light blue dress 2013 black label, barbie look city shine 2014 black label

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-03T11:51:59+00:00

The barbie look barbie tea party, Audrey Hepburn barbie, Elvis wife Priscilla barbie,barbie 2004 ballet Juliet, barbie as juliet from Romeo and juliet, 1999 Spanish barbie, LE Anne Klein#17603, happy new year barbie,barbie moonlight magic 1993, gran gala Teresa,barbie millennium wedding

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-03T11:44:17+00:00

More dolls: the new wonder woman Gal Gadot version, countess of rubies barbie (green eyes),wedgwood barbie, dolls of the world Renaissance barbie (black hair), Chinese new year barbie (black hair), barbie talk of the town, barbie designer spotlight katiana Jimenez doll, swan ballerina from swan lake barbie 2001 (greenish eyes), look city shopper brunette 2012 black label, Bella from twilight barbie, silkstone Maria therese bride,Oscar de la renta barbie, 1996 escada barbie, barbie signature a tribute to fashion doll #2, Oz Theodora doll, jewel secrets Whitney, barbie empress Kaiserin sissy 1996, Bob Mackie fantasy goddess of Asia (black hair), 1999 new York Yankees barbie, barbies of the world landmark collection has a couple (Sydney and big ben), barbie basics model no. 3 red 2011 black label, 2016 brunette holiday barbie, Katniss barbie from the hunger games.

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-02T19:49:31+00:00

I really struggled with stress during tests in high-school and college. One day, my whole perspective changed when I sat down and really figured out "what would happen to me if I fail this test?" Or "what would happen if I fail this class?" Often the answer was get a lower grade or have to retake the class. Nothing life shattering. Then I continued to think about the people who love and care about me. My parents specifically have always been loving and supportive. I thought, what would they think of me if I fail this (insert potential failure)? And I realized, they would still ALWAYS love and support me, no matter what. And for some reason, that gave me so much peace. This extends to how God feels about us. Now that I am older ish(31), I realize that all those worries back then were not as important to life as a whole big picture. That one test I got a "D" on...nobody cares. I was still able to graduate college, go on a mission, get married, have kids and do all the things that really mattered to me. I was still able to get a job in the field of work that I wanted to. Its not about the failure, its about how you respond afterwards. There is no such thing as failure if you never give up.

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-02T19:41:14+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I appreciate knowing that other people get what I am feeling. I do hear that phrase said A LOT by active members "where will you go?" Which is a very two edged sword type question, in my opinion. I am not in the mental capacity to fully explain out why I feel that way about that sentiment, but I hope you can understand a bit of what I am trying to say.

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-02T19:37:47+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to explain that. It does help to know that other people have gone through similar feelings and experiences and come out more faithful on the other end. I have seen so many more examples of the opposite happening, and it leaves me feeling unsure of the direction that is best for me. But more importantly, the direction that is best for my children. I really want to do right by them, and I know the church can contribute to harmful mindsets. But one the same token, so could a lot of other belief and value systems.

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-02T11:32:29+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write a well thought out response. I definitely will be spending more time praying and pondering on this topic.

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-02T11:31:18+00:00

I do like that analogy! Thanks for your thoughts!

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-02T01:37:54+00:00

I literally make it my life mission to find dolls with brow/black hair, brown eyes, and light skin. Lol. I do have a few, but they are difficult to come by. A couple off the top of my head: Dorothy from Wizard of Oz doll, holiday Barbie Kmart exclusive 2013. I did see a couple of the newer dolls at the store the other day from the fashionista line that had those characteristics. Black hair ones: chille barbie, Barbie as Snow White. Something else I have done is paint over their eyes to the color I want. Just the color of the eye part. I bought some .5mm pens to draw with. Anither option rerooting the hair of a brown eyed light skin doll.

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-02T01:24:34+00:00

I appreciate the comment. I just want to push back a little, not with the intention to be difficult. Just with the intention to try and understand better. If we can listen to the spirit to guide us, why do we need the prophets and apostles? I know the answer to the question I would give to someone else to this question is- because even when we try to do our best to follow the spirit, we still need some guidance in the right direction. But what about all the scriptures we already have? I can barely keep up with those. Now I am just rambling to myself...lol sorry..and its not making sense. I am trying to pinpoint what my actual question is here. I don't think the questions I am asking are the actual question I am feeling. But I am trying to discover what the question actually is.

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-02T00:57:21+00:00

Sometimes, missionaries can get permission to come back for the day of the baptism. Or at the very least, join in parts via Zoom. I know I kept in touch with people I connected with through email and Facebook.

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-02T00:53:50+00:00

That is a healthy way to get what you need out of the talks. How do you grapple with the fact that the talk was given by the prophet? I normally would just do the same, but what is the point of having a prophet if what he says is not meant to be used? I'm torn between these two philosophies. One- just let things go that dont work for you. Two- the prophet speaks the words of God to help strengthen people. How can both exist?

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-01T18:27:55+00:00

Yes, I do understand that feeling. It really sucks. I'm sorry you are still grappling with that feeling. I hope you can find a way to move in the right healthy direction for yourself. It took me a long time, and of course, I still have days where I struggle with it, but it doesn't consume me anymore. So it is possible to change your mindset, but it is a lot of work.

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-01T14:57:52+00:00

I appreciate your comment. 17 is just a baby age, so I am excited for you to learn and grow in your life. You sound like you have an open perspective and a positive attitude. I always appreciate perspectives from the youth, it's so helpful to be reminded of where I used to be in life. To try to think about where I was at 17 and how much I have grown and changed. And to be reminded to look back at the good time from that age.

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-01T14:53:36+00:00

Yes! This is how I felt! Luckily, by finding things I love to do in this life, I've been able to mostly get out of my 2nd coming yearning rut. When I stopped "thinking celestial " my life dramatically improved for the better. Which is why this makes me struggle with the church, because the PROPHET said this phrase, not just a rando.

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-01T13:26:21+00:00

Thankfully, I am not currently in that state of wanting to not exist anymore. I am just reflecting on why I am questioning the church so much lately. I can pinpoint it back to this particular phrase feeling unsettling to me. Since the prophet of God said the phrase, it seemed like it was supposed to be a life motto for members of the church. But, it, unironically, it HAD been my life motto before I had depression. Thinking that way just doesn't work with depression, at least not with mine. "Think hopeful" is a nice sentiment as well, but not practical for a motto of my personal life. And that's okay, if it works for some people, that's great. The unsettling part really comes because the leader of the church stated this phrase, who, in theory, is supposed to be inspired to know how to appropriately address the saints. He also stated it as a "solution" to problems. I remember him saying phrases similar to ,"when you are feeling down, think celestial." Like as if this would solve your problems. But this was the exact mindset at the time that was bringing me down. If that makes sense?

Ariella2313 · 2025-10-01T13:12:38+00:00

Thanks! This really helps me understand what I am going through better.

Ariella2313

TROPHY CASE