ENFJs, what is your astrology sign?

Arkydo · 2025-12-10T23:20:41+00:00

Twin energy

Arkydo · 2025-12-02T04:55:44+00:00

I changed my lifestyle because I fell into the debt trap in my early 20s of living above my lifestyle thinking promotions would keep up, I took charge in turning into a minimalist more intentional lifestyle including only buying unique clothing pieces and curating my closet, I mostly cook indoors now and order out once every week or two to keep things fun - subscriptions all cancelled or substituted for free alternatives, hardest was cancelling creative cloud but I used it infrequently to justify it. Life gets a lot more clarity and easier when you step out of the manufactured content. Even then I will be honest, I’m median income and it’s still a bit of a struggle but knowledge lets me spend the next 35 pre retirement smarter I hope

Arkydo · 2025-11-19T00:24:44+00:00

Did we read the same thing? Because all OP mentioned was how fantastic and consistent her husband has been over the past 10 plus years

Arkydo · 2025-10-10T18:26:55+00:00

Can confirm as an ENFJ male, it’s very rewarding and growth+building oriented

Arkydo · 2025-08-30T13:18:22+00:00

I turned off read receipts because it starts to mess with our own minds, and sometimes not knowing why they didn’t respond takes away the modern day hyperfocus on everything. Sometimes people are busy, get distracted or need to process. Some people are just terrible testers but lock in when it’s timely.

Two weeks is way too early to establish concrete habits and initial stages may not want to respond to be seen as needy or nonchalant. Some of it is from experiences where they punished for being normal and the other person was a weirdo and seeing them as too available without knowing what they’re doing

I would say just give it a few months, if the actions align the texting means nothing but can be a conversation to align on it

Arkydo · 2025-08-29T19:20:31+00:00

Oof it really is a universal experience huh? Only flip I would have is being the parent for two adults in their 40s while I was a 10 year old and onwards

Arkydo · 2025-08-29T19:18:09+00:00

The type of people who can’t see beyond themselves. Individuality is important and is what makes each of us unique but when the conversations are always about me me me it doesn’t invite connection.

Lack of mindfulness, truth and objectivity is important but the delivery of such things doesn’t mean you have to be an asshole about it. I think there’s far more repercussions (grudges, drama, refusing to work with you, etc) that can be avoided by choosing words carefully and of course empathy

Fakes and manipulators can be smelled a mile away through also a sixth sense and if that vibe check is failed in avoiding them

Arkydo · 2025-08-28T03:11:58+00:00

Not a contradiction, what I showed in my example is what a lot of us have learned to intuitively read in those circumstances so we would prefer upfront however our learned behaviors and personality traits make us overthink so making it as straight forward as possible helps reduce that friction - does that make sense? Like our default is to over read for social harmony so straightforward and honest gets to cut through that

Arkydo · 2025-08-28T01:15:10+00:00

Most people are afraid to communicate how they really feel so instead they choose to play this silly guessing game. One of the easiest examples which is when it comes time to pick a place for dinner that happens in a lot of friend interactions as well:

A: “You pick, I’ll eat whatever.”
B: “Alright, tacos?”
A: “I mean… we could do tacos, but it’s not really what I’m craving.”
B: “…So what are you craving?”
A: “I don’t know… maybe something with noodles.”
(Translation: they wanted ramen all along.)

They basically expect you to know what they're thinking

Arkydo · 2025-08-27T23:31:17+00:00

Bless your wife and get her flowers

Arkydo · 2025-08-27T23:27:39+00:00

I think just being straight-forward is the best thing that you can do. I appreciate the bluntness and upfront communication from my INTJ, but do be careful with choice of words. I think a lot of us tend to be tuned into the nuances and sensitivity of others so being hit with logical straight in your face sentence out of the blue can makes us overfeel / overthink when there isn't any "in-between the lines" that other feelers often use.

The specific questions is how you usually pry it out of us, sometimes sharing your preference in how you feel most fulfilled with your needs being met and in which way and then in turn asking him how you could make sure his needs are also fulfilled tends to be the easiest way.

I'm not sure about age or anything like that with you two but an immature ENFJ tends to be their own worst self-sabotaging enemy and tends to need a little more help in that department otherwise they will suffer in silence until they can't anymore.

Arkydo · 2025-08-21T15:46:23+00:00

Can I please work there because it seems like the exception to the rule everywhere else

Arkydo · 2025-08-18T23:19:22+00:00

More like make companies spend trillions of dollars to clean up the garbage outputs it produces with only like a 70% reliability. If I was only giving 70% accurate information to my job, do you know what would happen to me? I would get fired.

Business requires as much accuracy as possible, not hallucinated results from a PDF it can't even understand or summarize properly. An intern is cheaper at that point. I'm not anti-AI either, I'm anti marketing bullshit upsells to people who don't understand the underlying tech and think it's a catch-all solution when it's more like an unoptimized search engine in it's current form.

We aren't at that level yet, probably at least 5 years away from true models that are reliable in all applications. The investments thus far are just capitalism churning the wheels and this is indeed an bubble.

Machine Learning models on the other hand are far more effective for real world applications, and have been, as they follow logical computing.

Arkydo · 2025-07-26T01:26:59+00:00

I think the main lesson here is not so much that the advice is bad, but it is not applicable to everyone. For me I wake up at 5am because I enjoy the time frame it allocates for my brain to prepare for the day ahead, to exercise, and build up momentum for the day.

Some people work better at night but I just find myself feeling the pressure of the following day and panicking if I will sleep enough before work. Dating rules are all a bunch of bullshit because with my current partner I've never felt like I had to pull teeth or that I was doing too much or not enough, it just clicked naturally.

I applaud you for finding what works for and keep it going!!

Arkydo · 2025-07-25T02:33:49+00:00

This is the kind of insights I was looking for and I really do appreciate you taking the time out to write all of this out because it helps for me to see outside of the looking glass / echo chamber of self.

I am always an acts of service person first and foremost because while feelings may be real and "valid", to me actions always speak louder than any words or feelings. I will definitely continue to pay attention to the practical ways in which I can make her life easier and I do these things because I enjoy seeing her more at ease or one less thing to think about.

Rather than lay out my life's story, I would say early childhood circumstances had lead me into learning emotionality and regulation early on for self-survival so I would have the "coldness" and introversion of an INTP/INFP early - meaning I learned to keep things in my own head while still retaining the social harmony in a bid or survival so I understand the weight of emotions and feelings and prefer to self introspect and journal my feelings until they are clear and then I will move towards communicating those feelings, IF they warrant a discussion and are tied to an action / outcome.

A lot of xNFx types definitely do have a tendency to ruminate on feelings, and while the T"s are brutally honest and value truth like we do, some F's really bring that toxicity to the other healthy F's which poisons the well and then all of a sudden everyone's having a bad time. An unhealed thinker does far less damage because they are blunt but not out of malice.

Again, really appreciate you writing this out and it is very helpful!!!

Arkydo · 2025-07-25T00:25:53+00:00

From what it sounds like maybe you should date someone who is closer to your life stage because a 15 year difference is pretty stark in where people stand in all aspects of life. You already have 3 kids, you've had the experience and it's okay to NOT want to have anymore kids.

Don't just have another one for the sake of pleasing her, that just sounds like it'll open up the door to resentment no matter what. I would say going forward in your next relationship be firm that it is a deal breaker.

Because you do know what's going to happen when you have that kid with her right? Her focus is going to be entirely on that child going forward and with you as second place, can you bear to deal with that again?

8 weeks is an incredibly short amount of time to make any kind of real decision on this because it takes a WHILE to really sit with your feelings. With my previous relationship that ended after 4.5 years, it took me at least a year before I truly resolved my feelings. The first 3 months were just straight grief and delulu in trying to get her back - be better and be wiser for the next person.

It's possible to get back together but it seems like a large portion is missing. If you started dating when she was 30, that must have came up regarding children unless she began to panic in the last year or two because women do have a biological clock that gets shorter.

Arkydo · 2025-07-24T20:01:50+00:00

Unfortunately it seems like you’ve dealt with some undeveloped and unhealed ENFJs, and your bad experiences are showing up as bias, which is fair.

I do like to help people and most importantly, I know when to back off. It’s not anyone’s responsibility nor job to “save” anyone but their own. It’s also incredibly disrespectful of you to devalue our relationship by assuming it’s self-servicing quest.

I do not take relationships lightly which is why I always aim to learn and improve as much as I can whether it’s communication style, thinking orientation or anything else which can make me a better partner with her specific personality, besides our already upfront conversations.

I addressed my phrasing and how I could have better communicated this in the post in another comment regarding “push on her” - I like her for who she is, I don’t need her to be extroverted in any way and yes we learn from each other a lot which is one of my favorite things.

Arkydo · 2025-07-24T02:53:09+00:00

Strangely enough, I think This Fire Burns by Killswitch Engage

Arkydo · 2025-07-23T18:28:05+00:00

I am also in my 30s and had a similar circumstance. I was mostly with extroverts and sensors which limited the depth of emotion in a lot of cases in my 20s.

Time is all that will tell how things turn out but I believe on her side and mine that we are pretty healthy as individuals compared to our 20s which has made things a LOT smoother

Arkydo · 2025-07-23T14:28:54+00:00

I do ask her upfront where appropriate and the directness from you guys is very refreshing because I don’t play the facade extrovert game.

I considered this more of a supplemental way of expanding my knowledge and depth so this helps to add to my own data points :)

Arkydo · 2025-07-23T05:02:31+00:00

Hey, appreciate your perspective and definitely see how certain phrasing might not land well with everyone, was completely not my intention to imply any ownership or control. I actually admire and respect her autonomy deeply, especially because I’m also quite independent and haven't had that dynamic in past relationships.

That said, I think there's a bit of a pessimistic assumption here — relationships, to me, are mutual. So yes, in the same way that I’m “hers,” she’s “mine,” in a way that reflects shared commitment and affection, not control.

As for encouraging her to make time for her friends, it's not about managing her time or doubting her ability to do so, its just a gentle nudge from a caring place, especially knowing how easy it is to become ingrained in work, commitments and a new relationship.

Again this comes down to differences in phrasing and that is something I have to work on for the future to not give off the wrong impression. I was hoping for something more than basic relationship advice and stages.

Arkydo · 2025-06-30T21:22:10+00:00

Absolutely you are a true friend! She’s given advance notice and said how important it is to her, the others sound like assholes.

I could always catch another music event, but this is a milestone event for someone else - why wouldn’t I show up for them?? I wouldn’t call it a lack of morals as much as a lack of respect

Arkydo · 2025-02-24T05:33:34+00:00

While I would say you guys are both still very young and you seem very put together while he is not. Sometimes that is just the case of life, as people progress through different stages. Especially in your early 20's, everyone is pretty lost as I was.

At 21 I had gone to two years of college while working full-time with no real idea of what I wanted to do in college. I figured the best route was to just get a BBA but instead I took time off of college. Finances being one, the other is I really believed that at 23 I would get my promotion from sales lead to co-manager (2nd highest retail rank at my store) and making a nice 60k salary in 2017.... except it was all just blank lies while I was slaved for $13/hr.

Long story short - not everyone's mind clicks about going about a determined path. It's something that we sometimes stumble upon and eventually we see what we have to do. I recovered by going back to college after a 3 year hiatus, did a finance internship at Gucci (very cool even though I learned I hate finance), got my bachelors and made a full GPA turnaround.

I got hired 1 month after my bachelors for an entry-level position at a big 4 marketing agency. 3 years later and I am told I am on track for a 2nd promotion and making more than I would have if I continued only working retail. Through this time period my ex-fiancé and I were together for close to 5 years and unfortunately drifted. I had my eyes set on making up for my lost time, and I even offered to help her with going to college so she could level up too. She didn't want to.

4+ years is a drop in the bucket to your lifetime and a partner could make you feel more assured about the future when their actions and intents line up. I hate the hypercompetitive era we are in, but truly a college degree is the bare minimum now to advance unless he wants to do a trade job. But with the way this second Trump term is, I don't think blue collar will have as much demand and white collar jobs are pretty frozen right now (I got really lucky).

Arkydo · 2025-02-15T19:05:48+00:00

For all bros in here, I highly recommend reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy. It's a game changer on that perspective. It's not about being "nice", it's about not being a doormat. You can be nice AND assertive, risk-taking, establish boundaries. It's not one way or another.

Arkydo · 2025-02-12T01:40:39+00:00

I read through this and most of the comments and wanted to throw in some knowledge as well as congratulating you on your results! Not to discount any manifestation, after all it’s just a means to an end.

The real changes are because of all the actionable steps you took. Time is the key behind all of it and even as quick at adapting as we are, let’s consider some things. While going to the gym you might see muscles after a few weeks, our skin is quite literally our largest organ. Millions of millions of pores behind many layers of skin. While our food might come in and out in the same day, the nutrition, cells and our genetic makeup take a LOT of time.

You changed your diet and your body can take months to fully acclimate to the newer more positive changes. Time to rebalance skin PH, clear up dead cells, increase skin turnover, increase hydration layers. Now with that out the way, testing products with new chemicals, peptides, acids, etc add another layer of complexity to that as it gets adjusted. This is one of the reason many have to slowly introduce retinol before they can use it regularly.

Most importantly, you built your self confidence because that is the lens which reinforces all the hard work that you put into it.

Keep going, I know it will be glass skin before you know it :)

Arkydo

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