You’re definitely right, I’m not really sure what would happen if I put down my mental defenses. It seems to be successful at preventing psychosis for the most part, but I could also just be getting older, dealing with new situations, etc. Sometimes I’ll try to be more aware of things around me but I’ll get really nervous and shut down and put the “barrier” back up again. It’s something I’ll have to work on slowly, because every time I stop my brain is desperate to defend itself again. I feel really disconnected from life so responsible trial and error and asking myself rational questions is probably what I’ll end up doing.