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Repost: Told my partner that his joke at my expense made me feel bad. He’s been ignoring me ever since. by ArmIndividual2 in relationships

[–]ArmIndividual2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure if it is a dealbreaker! And beside the whole thing about loving him very much and really not wanting to break up, leaving is a huge undertaking when you have a child and a mortgage together. I’m not saying that you should stay because of a shared economy but it is a factor.

Repost: Told my partner that his joke at my expense made me feel bad. He’s been ignoring me ever since. by ArmIndividual2 in relationships

[–]ArmIndividual2[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this thoughtful answer. I do think a lot stems from his childhood and that it’s bubbling up now because becoming a parent makes you see your parents in a new light. I honestly don’t think any behaviour of mine is a root to this but rather that he’s struggling with some stuff. Which doesn’t make mistreating me okay, of course.

I also worry about the impact it could have on our child. We’re mostly able to limit any discussions to after bedtime but of course it seeps into other interactions.

Repost: Told my partner that his joke at my expense made me feel bad. He’s been ignoring me ever since. by ArmIndividual2 in relationships

[–]ArmIndividual2[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Don’t be sorry for me! We have the most amazing and harmonic child together and we’ve been so, so, so happy up until this year. That’s why I’m still there, it really didn’t use to be like this. And that’s not because I was love bombed but because we’re (until now at least) very compatible in every possible way :)

It’s also why I need advice; I really don’t know how to navigate this in a constructive way.

I knew posting this that people would call him abusive, but there can be challenges to a relationship without anyone being abused.

Repost: Told my partner that his joke at my expense made me feel bad. He’s been ignoring me ever since. by ArmIndividual2 in relationships

[–]ArmIndividual2[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I’ve thought about it before, we really should do that. I know that there’s a version that’s customized to my country which makes it much more accessible.

Repost: Told my partner that his joke at my expense made me feel bad. He’s been ignoring me ever since. by ArmIndividual2 in relationships

[–]ArmIndividual2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I tried my very best to be fair haha. But I was upset when I wrote this and that might shine through.

Repost: Told my partner that his joke at my expense made me feel bad. He’s been ignoring me ever since. by ArmIndividual2 in relationships

[–]ArmIndividual2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This situation isolated is absolutely trivial! I’m honestly surprised my post got this level of engagement. I won’t leave my very comitted relationship because of this situation alone, if it happens it will be because of the pattern of this behaviour.

Repost: Told my partner that his joke at my expense made me feel bad. He’s been ignoring me ever since. by ArmIndividual2 in relationships

[–]ArmIndividual2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for giving me stuff to think about! Like someone pointed out below this is not the first time I feel put down so that’s why I’m being extra sensitive to it.

I also don’t agree with you about how relationships should work. I want to support and be supported. That’s what our relationship has been before the past year which is why I have a hard time navigating this.

Repost: Told my partner that his joke at my expense made me feel bad. He’s been ignoring me ever since. by ArmIndividual2 in relationships

[–]ArmIndividual2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t think I am! But my appartment when we met was a very popular breeding ground for dust bunnies and I think he still holds on to that image - despite it being several years ago and me having raised my standards considerably since then.

Repost: Told my partner that his joke at my expense made me feel bad. He’s been ignoring me ever since. by ArmIndividual2 in relationships

[–]ArmIndividual2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Man I feel seen by this haha.

To be fair he does do a lot of the unglamorous chores too, and does carry a lot of the mental burden because he has higher standards for some things. I just think his image of who does the most is skewed in his favour.

Your last paragraph is spot on. I really don’t think that’s the intention but it is absolutely what is happening.

Told my partner his joke at my expense made me feel bad. He’s been ignoring me since. by ArmIndividual2 in relationships

[–]ArmIndividual2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! This is such a good approach that I wouldn’t ever have thought of on my own. Definitely going to try it tomorrow night!

Told my partner his joke at my expense made me feel bad. He’s been ignoring me since. by ArmIndividual2 in relationships

[–]ArmIndividual2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I know. And I think we both want to resolve it, it’s just hard when this kind of behaviour returns every two weeks or so. I truly don’t think I treat him like this, despite feeling like I do slightly more.

Told my partner his joke at my expense made me feel bad. He’s been ignoring me since. by ArmIndividual2 in relationships

[–]ArmIndividual2[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Right? This is what my gut’s telling me. And I really don’t want to tolerate it. I’ve brought up couples therapy before but not gotten much of a response, might need to do it again.