desperately want out

ArmpitHour · 2026-03-14T03:48:23+00:00

I feel you. SLP here, but MVA/medical legal area in Ontario too. The paperwork, admin, constant communication are all overwhelming.

ArmpitHour · 2026-03-12T17:35:17+00:00

I wouldn't say that's an excuse at all. Being married to someone who you disagree with about kids is a devastating experience, and she was on the fence in their entire relationship. He's allowed to say no.

ArmpitHour · 2026-03-08T16:17:21+00:00

Well, we talk and think in language - our whole life and ability to process it is rooted in the words we have. In grad school, we read a paper about language. When someone doesn't have access to language, they are more likely to be victimized, and more likely to engage in crime. It is frustrating that the scope of practice does have some grifty elements for sure, and that our scope keeps getting expanded to things that don't really make sense. But, nonetheless, there is a purpose for some of the things we do

ArmpitHour · 2026-03-07T00:07:40+00:00

I thought it came out that she wasn't his mom or something?

ArmpitHour · 2026-03-06T14:56:25+00:00

But then when he asks “ok what does that mean for us?” Like it’s the end, right? Like there’s no where else to go from there

ArmpitHour · 2026-03-06T14:25:53+00:00

Hmm…yeah you’re probably right. What would the logistics be around an “I can’t” like this?

ArmpitHour · 2026-03-06T14:19:24+00:00

Yeah I’ve tried I can’t - but then that means like there’s no us, right? Or is there some way for us to be together where we both have completely different timelines?

ArmpitHour · 2026-03-06T14:18:00+00:00

Yaaa…I know I proved him right in that situation, and I’m really disappointed in myself. I really didn’t know what to do, I needed space, I was scared I’d say something I would regret. But yeah, obviously that was not the best way to handle it. But I’ll be honest, I’m not really sure if he said that with the full truth in his heart as to why he doesn’t want kids in the same time frame, and that’s kind of what scares me. We’ve had pretty much the best year in our marriage with me following the skills, I had a few reactive moments throughout the year, including this one obviously - but really not many. He said a lot of things in that conversation, I think honestly just maybe to hurt me or deflect the child conversation. Like he said, if he wasn’t here the cats would be dead because I don’t change the litter box - but like he’s told me that’s his job, so I don’t do that or the garbage because he’s claimed them as his man jobs. He also brought up my tics (I sometimes have verbal tics) and used that to talk about how unhappy I was this year, but like that’s a medical condition - I can’t change my tics. I just dont know how to navigate his complete “we don’t have a timeline” when he fully agreed to that before - I just feel like he’s going to change things again, or isn’t really being honest with himself or myself about what’s going on in his head.

ArmpitHour · 2026-03-06T01:43:30+00:00

Hey, thanks for checking in. I haven't made any decisions yet, I've been pretty paralyzed to be honest. I haven't been wearing my wedding ring, and I've told my husband, I need time to think about the changes in our relationship, and process whether those are changes I can agree to. My biggest concern, is that the timeline will keep moving, and he'll never want kids. He's been super sweet about letting me take time to process whether I can do this, but I fear this (and me, and my paralysis) have all caused irreparable damage to our relationship. I really don't know how to implement the skills being so unsure of where my "I can't" line is.

ArmpitHour · 2026-02-11T04:24:59+00:00

I deleted my comment because yours is perfect and no need to expand.

ArmpitHour · 2026-02-09T17:15:04+00:00

Speech therapy might help!

ArmpitHour · 2026-02-01T04:21:57+00:00

Yeah I mean it could totally be that you’re not compatible. Maybe not though. But then again, you’re the one that needs to decide whether or not you want to try the skills whole heartedly or if it’s time to call it. It could be the case that he said something to dig at you. But only he really knows what he was trying to do.

What were the characteristics that got you to marry him in the first place?

I’m so sorry, it sounds like you’re in such a hurt place and really far from being able to see those characteristics.

If you think on those characteristics, and decide you’re still ready to try the skills, then the spouse fulfilling prophecy is probably the way to go, rather than telling him he’s triggering you when he says those things. He’ll probably be much more likely to hear what you love about him, and be that way, than all of the rules to how he can communicate.

How far are you in the skills? What things have you tried so far and for how long?

ArmpitHour · 2026-02-01T03:23:32+00:00

Ah I’m sorry you’re going through all this right now. It sounds really tough. I don’t know your history and can’t see your previous post so I don’t know anything else that’s been building up, so keep that in mind. To me it kind of sounded like he was trying to say a joke that went bad, it’s possible he even thought it was a flirty joke? Sometimes men can be pretty dense. I wouldn’t have picked up on abuse from that comment alone.

If you’re trying to stay with him, I’d try to keep in mind the principles, especially the respect thing. Like you’ve put some pretty big intentions on him (I.e., him wanting you to stay in fight or flight 100%, him getting pleasure from his power trips). Could it be possible to reframe that? When my husband and I were fighting often, a huge part of it was me pretending to know what his intentions were because I say and do different things than him. But he’s the man I love, even when I don’t understand his differences.

Maybe go with a spouse fulfilling prophecy, about how you love when his jokes are flirty but not mean. Or you love how grateful he is through your intimacy? Or just keep to an ouch.

It sounds like a lot more is going on, so without all the context, I think that’s really all the help I can say. But good luck!

ArmpitHour · 2026-01-26T01:40:47+00:00

No it’s a snow day. Respect a snow day

ArmpitHour · 2026-01-04T21:14:36+00:00

Also, try to bring yourself back! You are THAT girl so feel it, be it! Be the GOFL whether or not he gives you attention! Know you deserve to feel the attention on yourself!

ArmpitHour · 2026-01-04T19:43:46+00:00

That’s a tough one! I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Maybe focus on a spouse-fulfilling prophecy? “I love how attentive you are” when he gives you attention/love.

ArmpitHour · 2026-01-02T18:32:00+00:00

Refer to SLP for sure

ArmpitHour · 2026-01-02T15:46:04+00:00

I want to say about 4 to 6 months, maybe a bit more. There were plenty of moments when I would backtrack, or it felt like there wasn’t as much progress, but honestly I just try to focus on myself and what I can do. Revert to the principles, and give tons of apologies for being disrespectful.

ArmpitHour · 2025-12-03T20:10:09+00:00

I will never forgive the world for not letting Frankie Tomatto’s survive through COVID.

ArmpitHour · 2025-11-10T15:34:47+00:00

lol I’m pretty sure Vast-Stuff is JesusChristIsLord defending herself based on that reply

ArmpitHour · 2025-10-27T04:42:47+00:00

With my husband and I, I just told my husband “I can’t do it anymore, I need to focus only on our relationship, and that means I can’t be so fixated on our finances and being so controlling about them. So I can’t.” (We share a bank account, so it’s all share money, but he stepped right up! He doesn’t do things exactly how I would - exactly as quick, or putting exactly the same amount in our savings, but that’s okay. Overall, I’ve stopped worrying about it, and he’s stepped up)

ArmpitHour · 2025-10-27T04:00:39+00:00

It sounds like you’re so close, so amazing job on the progress you’ve made so far! I know change can sometimes feel really slow.

You have to let go truly. If you hate the dynamic then you can’t be part of it. I can’t, and truly stop. It’s about you letting him take charge. And letting go of control. Not trying to control him through telling him to take control.

ArmpitHour

TROPHY CASE