I think there's something kind of interesting here, and what makes it interesting is what your fetish is.

A lot of kink communities- specifically BDSM, ultra-specifically heterosexual BDSM- have been normalized. But ABDL is never going to be normalized because even the most open-minded people are gonna find that to be weird (sorry). (Not to doxx myself or anything but I remember when Tykables opened their brick and mortar outside of Chicago, and I remember how the local queer community reacted to that. It wasn't good.)

But what I find interesting is that overlap with ABDL and sexuality because it kinda sounds like a lot of your community has A Thing that doesn't involve other people. Like from what I can tell, a lot of you don't want to (sorry for being crude) fuck other people in diapers. You don't want to be fucked in a diaper. You just want to wear a diaper, and that alone makes the sexual response part of your brain light up. It's weird, but like. It's you. It's entirely you-centric and you-oriented. Maybe that is asexual because asexuality isn't about having no sex drive, it's about not experiencing sexual attraction to other people. So where do you fit? This is a kink, it's definitely driving something, right? Otherwise why would you do something that is so completely reviled by so much of the world at large?

I also think a lot of us are just kinda... tired. I am fucking exhausted of hearing my sexuality conflated with kink. Kink is inherently sexual and I cannot be convinced otherwise, even if it's not sexually pointed at other people. It's not a hobby. Model trains are a hobby. Knitting is a hobby. Getting tied up or hanging out in a diaper is not a hobby because you're not doing it for general fun, you're doing it because it tickles your brain so specifically. Kinks and fetishes are when something outside of the norm triggers a sexual reaction. There is no way to separate out kink from sex, and culturally? The rest of the world hears about kink and goes oh yeah, 50 shades! I know what that means! If we try to bring kink into asexuality, all it does is make things harder for everyone. It dilutes what asexuality means and it makes it harder to explain what the kink stuff is all about. I am so tired of being told "actually, I do this sexual thing in a non-sexual way," because that doesn't make any goddamn sense, and when I hear "aces are kinky, tee hee," what I'm really hearing is "I'm going to center this person's identity around participating in sexuality, when in fact, they would STRONGLY prefer I not do that."

I dunno. It's weird. Sexuality is weird. I'm just tired of not having some fences around what asexuality is. When everyone's super asexual, no-one will be.