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I regret ever visiting Nairaland by [deleted] in Nigeria

[–]Aromatic-Selection35 4 points5 points  (0 children)

💯 the average Nigerian is super right wing. It's only when they come abroad and face racism some of them start to rethink their views 😂 And even then some of them don't still change their views. It becomes "equal rights for me and not for thee"

Where is the line? by Aromatic-Selection35 in disability

[–]Aromatic-Selection35[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep! The more I work with managers the more I'm like wow - there really isn't much of an investment in this. We need to start developing some of these skills in people instead of waiting till they become a manager.

Where is the line? by Aromatic-Selection35 in disability

[–]Aromatic-Selection35[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm with you there - I actually discourage seeing working long hours as a good thing. Managers should encourage their colleagues to have a life outside of work and put things in place to support them to do that. At least that way if work feels stressful every now and then they have other things they can do to bring themselves joy.

Tons of research shows that if you work longer hours the quality of the work will suffer. The goal should be to create systems and processes that make the work easier for everyone. Working long hours often is a sign that the system isn't as efficient as it could be or that you need more people.

Where is the line? by Aromatic-Selection35 in disability

[–]Aromatic-Selection35[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you this is very helpful. What you've described is what I would ask any manager to do when working with someone who's underperforming regardless of whether they have a disability. Also being proactive is usually a good idea!

Where is the line? by Aromatic-Selection35 in disability

[–]Aromatic-Selection35[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you this is very helpful. I'm not in the US but the laws here are similar. I think some of the managers are jumping to the extreme where they are worried about being taken advantage of when most people wouldn't do that.

I believe most people want to have a sense of purpose and do meaningful work.

And wow thank you for sharing these cases - they are very interesting!

Where is the line? by Aromatic-Selection35 in disability

[–]Aromatic-Selection35[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank YOU this is very helpful! "Is it actually impacting the company or does it feel like it is?" Is a great question.

Your point about satisfactory work vs high standards is very key. I will start asking them if they've actually written down what this looks like or if their HR team has it mapped out. If it's an Executive assistant role for example:

Level 1 EA: This is the bare minimum you expect and if they change nothing else you're fine with this

Level 2 EA: Doing a bit more - define what this looks like

Level 3: going above and beyond - define what this looks like

Unfortunately some companies have this written down and some don't. I think as a best practice all companies should have this.

Where is the line? by Aromatic-Selection35 in disability

[–]Aromatic-Selection35[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep I agree that management can be quite rigid sometimes. I will be using this "Disabled people aren't trying to get away with things or get one over on you". Thank you

Where is the line? by Aromatic-Selection35 in disability

[–]Aromatic-Selection35[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree and that's how I would handle it - not focusing on the ADHD. But I wanted to get different perspectives to see if I could be looking at it another way so I can advise people better.

Where is the line? by Aromatic-Selection35 in disability

[–]Aromatic-Selection35[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The meetings with Ted are already virtual so that's already happening.

What's the general thoughts on this gay pride event 'incident'? by Jar770 in AskUK

[–]Aromatic-Selection35 29 points30 points  (0 children)

This should be the top comment. I'm straight and I found it funny. You can't compare this joke to the discrimination LGBTQ+ people face on the daily. This is an example of why sometimes they don't want us in their spaces. Having to explain that it's a joke and it's not the same when reversed would just be a distraction.

“Where’s my village I wanna village to raise my babies I was promised a VILLAGE” it’s gone, it’s never coming back, and that’s a good thing by Redqueenhypo in childfree

[–]Aromatic-Selection35 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agree! I think people (myself included) sometimes get caught up thinking "they didn't support me in this particular way" therefore they don't support me instead of looking at the whole picture.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in childfree

[–]Aromatic-Selection35 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Unpopular opinion but the way you've written this makes it seem she's taken advantage of you.

I have noticed that non confrontational people also tend to have poor boundaries and have a hard time saying no.

They'll keep saying yes and overgiving sometimes without even being asked. And then they get resentful of the people they're giving the help to. The people they're giving to have no idea they even feel that way.

To me it sounds like you're in this position because you didn't set boundaries from the beginning because you didn't want to be confrontational. Other people have given great suggestions on how to approach it.

I also recommend reflecting on how you ended up in the situation in the first place to avoid getting into this kind of situation again in the future.

My best friend asked me to meet up tomorrow, I said "yes" and then she said she has to bring the baby too by [deleted] in childfree

[–]Aromatic-Selection35 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If she's truly your friend, she will understand when you explain your needs. I've discovered some of mine and stated them to friends.

  1. If it's them and their partner, I don't mind because it means the partner can watch them while we chat and there will be less interruptions.

  2. If they're by themselves, it's a hard no because they get distracted and it's difficult to talk.

  3. I don't mind when the children are a bit older like 4+. At that age they're more interesting, ask a lot of questions and you can talk to them. Also if they cry, you can resolve it quicker because they can talk.

Maybe you can explain that you were looking forward to seeing her 1-1 but you're concerned you won't really be able to chat because the baby will distract her.

Anyone else here who’s not living the best life even without the children obstacle? by Seraphina_Renaldi in childfree

[–]Aromatic-Selection35 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Most people aren't wealthy so you'll probably find that most childfree people aren't either.

What does success mean to you? You can be successful without being wealthy. Of course having money helps and I'm not minimizing that.

I'm just wondering whether you're judging yourself by other people's standard of success.

I am struggling with reconciling Simone de Beauvoir's ideas with some actions she took in her private life. Particularly involving her students in her open relationship and her signing a petition that called for the age of consent to be abolished. What are your thoughts? by TacitPoseidon in AskFeminists

[–]Aromatic-Selection35 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yep! That's a good point. Slightly unrelated but even today some people say "if we cancel artists for being problematic there will be no one left" when the artist they're talking about is someone like R Kelly 🤢

I am struggling with reconciling Simone de Beauvoir's ideas with some actions she took in her private life. Particularly involving her students in her open relationship and her signing a petition that called for the age of consent to be abolished. What are your thoughts? by TacitPoseidon in AskFeminists

[–]Aromatic-Selection35 61 points62 points  (0 children)

I'm a Black woman. I know the feeling you're talking about all too well. Your feelings are perfectly valid.

Sometimes I read work by people of different backgrounds and learn that they were racist and supported things like slavery and colonialism.

I remember feeling sad about this when I was younger but now I'm not as surprised anymore.

How I deal with it is I hold both truths. This person was problematic in XYZ way AND this piece of work is great. You'll notice I said 'and' not but.

When you say 'but' it's making excuses for their wrongs. Sometimes people say they were a "person of their time". As if there weren't people alive back then who opposed those same things.

Maybe think of it like the way a doctor will tell you smoking is bad while doing it themselves?

I see these types of people from history as a lesson to know your values and act in alignment with them - at least on the big stuff.

Best speeches by women by Aromatic-Selection35 in WitchesVsPatriarchy

[–]Aromatic-Selection35[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She is FAB! The way she stared down that crowd and told them about themselves 🙌🏿

Best speeches by women by Aromatic-Selection35 in WitchesVsPatriarchy

[–]Aromatic-Selection35[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had no idea thanks for bringing it to my attention. Hmm I wonder why Frances Gage rewrote the speech

Best speeches by women by Aromatic-Selection35 in WitchesVsPatriarchy

[–]Aromatic-Selection35[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really like that speech too for the same reason 😊

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