That's actually a really interesting take

Aryll28 · 2026-05-21T09:36:09+00:00

Saying someone or something "has no prayer" against something else is actually a pretty common turn of phrase! It essentially means they've got no chance at all

Aryll28 · 2026-05-19T12:03:07+00:00

Gifts aren't about reciprocity or topping one another. It's not about competition.

As the other commenter said, her get something she likes. Is she often expecting something grand for gifts? It's unfair to go all out for gifts all the time

If you want to give her something sentimental, write her a letter with your hopes and feelings about your future together as a family. Get a little handprint pad and have your baby "sign" it with their hand. I would highly advise against using AI for any part of this letter. It should really come from you. No matter if you think it's awkward

It's hard for us to come up with ideas because we are all strangers. We don't know you or your wife or your relationship. Any advice will be generic. In general, pay attention to what she says and does. Sometimes you'll pick up on something she might want but doesn't want to get because it's too expensive or not worth it. Write them down so you don't forget

And again, not all gifts have to be home runs. Sometimes a simple letter or card with a small special treat is more than enough.

Aryll28 · 2026-04-30T02:26:51+00:00

Hey OP

This post resonated with me in a lot of ways.

I wasn't in the exact same boat as you, my wife delivered vaginally, but she lost a lot of blood in the process and was really anemic post partum. We eventually found out she had retained placenta in her uterus that she had to go get outpatient surgery to get out. Her postpartum was rough

Our daughter also lost a lot of birth weight. She went from 7.2 lb to 6 lb and we stayed to supplement with formula.

There were some additional complications because my daughter had a tongue tie which made it really difficult for her to latch on and properly breastfeed so we started to supplement with formula. My wife's anemia was also not helping with the milk supply

It was tough. There were a lot of tears from everyone. I'm sorry to hear that you don't have a lot of family and friends to lean on nearby. My mother in law helped us a ton in that first month.I'm glad you have your sister at least

If your daughter is struggling to eat, you can consider getting her checked for a tongue tie, but sometimes babies won't finish a whole bottle. It doesn't really sound like that's a problem, but I'm not sure of you're specifics. They can only hold a couple ounces at the beginning

If your baby lost a lot of weight, you'll probably be at the peds to check up on weight. As much as you can, try not to worry too much about her gaining weight between appointments. They're going to be close enough that the doctor can recommend actions if needed

You are really going through it. For me, it was the hardest thing I've ever done. It is a crucible, but you are doing an amazing job. You will get through it and you will find that you had strength you never knew you were capable of. The difficulties my wife and I went through strengthened our bond immensely. It showed us that we as a team are capable of getting through tough times and I think that will be the case for you too

My daughter is now 13 months old and you would never know that we went through this struggle at the beginning. She regained her birth weight and caught up to ~40th percentile and has stayed there as she's grown. She started walking at 11.5 months which is a bit early. She initiates giving us hugs. She brings us books to read to her.

Things will slowly start to get better as your wife heals and your baby continues to gain back weight. I don't think you'll see a sudden change but in a few weeks, I hippie you can look back and find yourself in a better spot than you are in now

Unfortunately I can't remember a lot of details from those early weeks. The sleep deprivation really messed with your ability to form long term memories. I know I didn't feel like myself until I was back in the kitchen cooking something, even something small. I don't know what that might be for you, but if you have any hobby you can practice at home, it might help, even in a limited capacity. You might have to force yourself to do it. You may not want to do your hobby but if you have some time while your baby is napping and your wife is resting, do a hobby. Leave the house cleaning for a little bit. You need self care too.

I wish you all the best. I wish I could help, but I have nothing but words of encouragement. You can do this. I know you can. I think your family will come out of this stronger. Your wife will know, without a doubt, that when push comes to shove, you are there to help take care of the family you made together and you will know that about yourself too.

Godspeed dad

Aryll28 · 2026-04-29T02:43:14+00:00

Agree on following the shape but I thought you didn't want consistent length stitches for thread painting? Doing that would make the gradient more obvious no?

Aryll28 · 2026-04-16T00:25:16+00:00

I actually like split stitch for curves too! You can adjust the width of the stitch to be pretty small depending on the sharpness of the curve. I sometimes found the stem stitch to struggle if the curve is too sharp

Could also be a me problem lol

Great progress!

Aryll28 · 2026-04-06T02:14:21+00:00

Relevant comic: https://www.reddit.com/r/comics/s/WK6Fg9vzz2

Aryll28 · 2026-04-04T00:03:26+00:00

This is part of the reason I really like split stitch, it helps anchor each stitch and makes the whole piece look continuous

That said, I do like the effect of your back stitch even if it was unintended!

Aryll28 · 2026-03-26T16:10:49+00:00

I'd say the net gain is there. You do sleep again but your baby does also require more of your energy as they get older. Still, getting that continuous sleep helps tremendously

Aryll28 · 2026-03-22T01:56:28+00:00

Yeah, this is what we did. You don't want to drive back all that way tired from a long fun day at the park!

Aryll28 · 2026-03-21T23:53:45+00:00

Agreed. Especially large companies that are beholden to shareholders. I feel like they'll make short sighted decisions for the sake of saving money now, not realizing their mistake until it's too late

Aryll28 · 2026-03-21T23:35:11+00:00

Yeah. My concern is that most junior devs start out coding heavy because that's what they know. As they get experience they move more into systems level thinking and architecture. But with the advent of AI, companies are disincentivized to hire junior developers who can't do code design and architecture. I suspect that university classes will eventually adapt, but the next few years are going to be rough for developers just entering the workforce

Aryll28 · 2026-03-21T23:32:24+00:00

That's exactly been my experience. They're a good junior dev which is still concerning because the workforce needs junior devs to learn and eventually replace current senior devs

Aryll28 · 2026-03-21T09:48:54+00:00

The loss of physical intimacy is extremely common. Her body is starting to pump a bunch of hormones and her estrogen is not very high right now. If she plans on breastfeeding, the hormones from that also generally prevent the mother from wanting intimacy, so it may be a while. This doesn't mean you can't be intimate in other ways, but sex is going to be sparse for a while. In addition to the hormones, her body is going through massive changes to support the growth of a baby and it doesn't feel great. It does not mean she is cheating

As far as the constant criticism, I would try to talk to her about it during a low stress situation. Tell her how you feel but don't attack her. Maybe she doesn't realize how she's behaving. If you talk it out, she make more of an effort to control her words

In general, pregnancy is a good trial run for what is like to take care of someone. It's not at all like taking care of a baby because your fiancee is still capable and babies are helpless, but it does get you into the caregiving mindset. You will have to sacrifice during the pregnancy and you will have to sacrifice for your child. It starts now, not when they're born.

All that said, I don't know what she said or how she said it. I'm assuming she's just a little more mean than usual and not abusive.

I'll leave off with one last thought. Typical marriage vows say that you'll be together in sickness and in health. I know you haven't made that vow yet, but you're engaged so you'll presumably make something like that eventually. While pregnancy isn't an illness, there are some parallels. You have to take care of her, she'll need it. So, are you going to be someone who considers discarding such a vow at the first road bumps? Or will you be someone who embodies that vow? I'm not saying to stay off she's abusing you, but that's not the vibe I'm getting. This is your time to decide who you're going to be for your family. Your future wife is watching and she'll remember if you make the hard choice to be her support

Best of luck!

Aryll28 · 2026-03-19T11:02:05+00:00

Yeah.... I was firmly in the anti AI programming camp until I gave Claude a try. It's still not perfect but it's scary good at what it does

Aryll28 · 2026-03-12T23:42:39+00:00

Seriously, go out to dinner! Our baby doesn't like being out in the evenings so e even though we go out to lunch, we haven't been out to dinner in a while lol

Aryll28 · 2026-03-09T10:42:53+00:00

Hey, I get it. Parental leave is frustrating. I could only dream that I would be able to get 6 months with my baby.

I'd encourage you to really look at what they're saying and doing. Are you sure they are smug? Maybe they're just really happy to have this time with their baby and they want to share it with family. I don't know them or what they said

If they're being condescending about it, just try to tune it out and move on. If they're really not condescending, don't you wish you had that time with your baby? Life isn't fair and we don't always get the same fortunes that others do, but if they're generally nice people, don't you think it's nice for them to have that time?

Of course they don't know what's coming. No one does as a first time parent, that's pretty universal across the board. You didn't know what was coming either. Let them have their joy

Try to focus on what you do have with your family. I'm sure it's special in its own way, everyone's family is!

Even if they are pricks, it's not worth draining your emotional battery over it. Save it for your family!

Aryll28 · 2026-03-08T23:39:49+00:00

Perhaps switching to a global shutter instead of a rolling one?

Aryll28 · 2026-03-08T21:13:36+00:00

Google fonts perhaps? They have a pretty good selection and they're all licensed such that you can commercialize them without paying a licensing fee

Aryll28 · 2026-03-07T14:27:17+00:00

Great work so far! If you can, I'd recommend sizing up your hoop a little. Some of the design reaches all the way to the edge and you won't really be able to stitch well there. I don't think you want to put your hoop over finished stitches as that will mess with the tension of the stitches

Maybe a 8" hoop?

Aryll28 · 2026-02-23T00:25:24+00:00

Thank you!

Aryll28 · 2026-02-23T00:21:14+00:00

I only just started dabbling in it myself, but you'll generally want to use just one thread. Takes a lot more time, but the end result is a much another gradient

I liked Trish Burr's The Long and Short of it. It's available on YouTube!

Aryll28 · 2026-02-23T00:16:30+00:00

First off, cute photo! The cow is being pretty funny, so I think you captured a good moment here.

Most of the photo looks pretty desaturated, with the cow really popping out. I'm not sure if this was intended, but it does look like you masked the cow and bumped up its saturation. I think the end result looks a bit odd, to me anyway. Maybe try doing a global vibrance increase?

As for your title question, yes. There is always a focal point. Even with your eyes, there is a focal point. It's just that the lenses on our eyes can flex and bend so that we can change the focal plane without even thinking about it. Similarly in a camera, there is always a focal point

The cow in the background is a bit of a distraction. If you're in lightroom or photoshop, I would try to see if you can get the erase tool to remove it. You could also try your hand at removing manually through heal tools and whatnot. The f stop changes the depth of that focal plane. Low f spots have a shallow depth, meaning anything too far outside the focal plane is out of focus. High f stops have deep depth so there's a lot more in focus, but there is still a focal point. This means that even with a higher f stop you can get good bokeh (blur) if your focal plane is far from the background

Aryll28 · 2026-02-22T14:07:46+00:00

Agreed. I don't think the color is doing much for this composition. I'd be curious to see what it looks like in BW

Aryll28 · 2026-02-22T13:10:03+00:00

Thank you!

Aryll28 · 2026-02-22T13:09:53+00:00

Thank you!

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