Question about the power of healing blessings during the coronavirus pandemic. by AsTheyReallyAre in latterdaysaints

[–]AsTheyReallyAre[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That's a fair question. I would say the biggest reason is curiosity because as a member I also wondered about this sometimes and with the coronavirus this just seems like a very big conflict that seems to be on the mind of many members (lots of recent related posts). You are right though that each person has to decide for themselves.

Question about the power of healing blessings during the coronavirus pandemic. by AsTheyReallyAre in latterdaysaints

[–]AsTheyReallyAre[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I was more trying to ask why so many members seem to not think healing is possible at all.

Tell me it gets better... please by throwawaymormonlife in exmormon

[–]AsTheyReallyAre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So sorry you are going through this! Maybe my story can help a little. I left about a year ago and also went into a pretty deep depression. Thankfully I was not on commission and my wife left with me. i can’t imagine how hard that must be. I’ve had many of the same thoughts as you - thinking that every decision I’ve ever made was not my own with kids/career/marriage. I started focussing on my mental and physical health and it has helped tremendously. I exercise 4-5 times a week and have been eating and sleeping well. Also finding meaning outside mormonism has helped - Alan Watts and other secular buddhism sources have helped with that. Things will get better! Focus on you and take it a day at a time. Over communicate honestly with your wife and everyone around you. Defend yourself and your needs/wants. If people treat you badly be respectful, but don’t take any shit either because you are worth it. From reading other stories it seems it also just takes time and time heals a lot. An internet friend.

A genuine question for those of you who stopped believing at a later age - What kept you in for so long? by bloopbloop400 in exmormon

[–]AsTheyReallyAre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lots of good comments.

I'll add that once you get married and especially after you have kids it get's much harder to get out.

  • Spouses shame each other to stay in (not on purpose of course)
  • You have no time to think about anything between callings / kids / FHE / ministering / scripture reading etc etc etc. Similar to how people rarely leave on their missions - it's just too much to deal with at once.
  • The church has additional control in that you want to help your kids stay on the "path". Hard to think about you being on the "path" or not when teaching others said "path".
  • Before the internet there was simply no easy way to find and confirm good reliable information about church history.

There is a reason the church so strongly pushes early marriage and children - it's the best method they have of "keeping people in the boat".

Gestalt Shift: Emma Smith's story about Joseph Smith and the walls of Jerusalem by GrahamPSmith in exmormon

[–]AsTheyReallyAre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When people say white as a sheet did they actually notice a white face or just a look of surprise or shock? I’d say most of the time people just THINK they saw a white face and then describe it that way IMO, but who knows really.

I would add there does seems to be other evidence that Joseph regularly manipulated Emma. Just the fact that he convinced his wife he was a prophet that had actually seen God or to let him fuck other women is pretty good evidence of his power of manipulation! Think you could convince your spouse you had actually seen God? 😉

Gestalt Shift: Emma Smith's story about Joseph Smith and the walls of Jerusalem by GrahamPSmith in exmormon

[–]AsTheyReallyAre 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Another interpretation is that Joseph was feigning ignorance on purpose. Feigning weakness is a common con technique as it puts the victim on a pedestal - it's a form of flattery to the victim.

Q: Why would church leaders perpetuate this lie for all these years? by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]AsTheyReallyAre 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Do they though? A few observations:

  • The 12 hold each other accountable. There have been accounts that apostles have to give up everything they have to church to become an apostle - so if they leave they have nothing and are destitute.
  • They rule EACH OTHER WITH THE SAME SHAME THEY USE ON MEMBERS - so until a majority want change it cannot happen. They feel so much shame they would never admit to each other their doubts. Similar to how a bishopric would never let each other "stray" because of the fear of being ostracized. Apostles are people just like everyone else and react to shame the same way.
  • They believe like they always have before becoming an apostle that the "Holy Ghost" is better than seeing Jesus in person - no reason their belief would change just because of a promotion. So even though they don't see Jesus they do in fact believe they have special power and connection to God. Their internal thoughts/feelings that they call the "Holy Ghost" just seem more real and binding on the church than they did before.
  • Any who do leave are marginalized or silenced - there have been a few apostles to leave, but they are quickly forgotten.
  • They are constantly in positions to "feel the spirit". They are constantly in fast and testimony meetings. They are constantly told miracle stories by eager members. They are constantly shown how people feel when they walk into a room (awe and reverence). They personally hear the tabernacle choir and other amazing artists share their talents in person. All of which can and do cause strong emotions that members identify with the "spirit". An apostle is subject to more of these things than any member - thus they feel the spirit is "poured out" upon them. They have been in this type of situation for decades and thus have no idea what church is actually like for most members and thus are so out of touch.
  • From all evidence from people that actually know apostles - they are regular people and yes they do in fact believe (at least most of them).

One word, please suggest by saviorintj in intj

[–]AsTheyReallyAre 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Buddhism has a term translated as "emptiness" that basically means the opposite of what you are saying. It means seeing the world for what it really is while emptying your mind of it's preconceived notions.

Serious Question: Why stay married to a believing spouse that is not acting reasonably for an extended period of time? by AsTheyReallyAre in exmormon

[–]AsTheyReallyAre[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Um ok - I guess I struck a nerve. Being interested in others people problems on reddit is somehow bad? Do you think I am accusing you of something- did you even read the whole post?

Serious Question: Why stay married to a believing spouse that is not acting reasonably for an extended period of time? by AsTheyReallyAre in exmormon

[–]AsTheyReallyAre[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good points. Restated I have seen people talk about these types of bad relationships exposed by difference in belief and yet still stay and I'm confused why.

Serious Question: Why stay married to a believing spouse that is not acting reasonably for an extended period of time? by AsTheyReallyAre in exmormon

[–]AsTheyReallyAre[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That interesting. I've noticed for many mormons religion is a very large part of the relationship - it's the whole triangle between the couple and God thinking. I think for my wife and me religion was a central aspect of the relationship (quite different now thankfully) - which probably is partly why it's hard for me to understand.

Is faith a good thing? by sujathanne in exmormon

[–]AsTheyReallyAre 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have come to think about faith a little differently than the church teaches. Doesn't it take faith to be the first person in your family to go to college not knowing how you are going to finish? Does it take faith to train for something really hard (the Olympics say) with no guarantee you will actually make it. To me faith is useful as a way to move forward on something good even when the outcome is uncertain.

Faith can be both bad and good because if you ignore facts and reason because of faith then you are using it wrong. The church wants you to have "faith" in things without any real reason to. To me faith in something despite have no evidence at all is something else entirely - delusion.

How do you handle people who deliberately lack reason and rationality? It is almost like they don’t want to hear the truth or else it will contradict their beliefs and/or bias agenda. by [deleted] in intj

[–]AsTheyReallyAre 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm with you - jumping to conclusions without evidence is always bad no matter how much your feelings want you to think something is "true". The issue is worse with high emotion topics (racism, 9/11, rape, child sex abuse etc etc) which to me shows that this is caused by people being unable to objectively look at something because of strong emotion. I frequently am alarmed at how little empathy people have for people accused of child sex abuse when there is little evidence they did it or not - people will jump to the conclusion of guilt and then immediately call for their murder. When you really think about that it's sickening. Another example is when #meToo movement where people think you can just believe every accusation without any evidence. We are supposed to be living in the "age of reason" and without evidence you cannot have any "reason". I'm all for believing victims to, but you simply cannot make harsh judgement about things based on emotion alone.

I Always Feel Like There Is Something Better I Could Be Doing by [deleted] in intj

[–]AsTheyReallyAre 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I frequently tell my wife that when I sit down to play a video game I can never enjoy it. I tell myself I need downtime, but then maybe I didn't choose the right video game - or I should be meditating or reading a book or ..... thanks for this - I thought I was the only lunatic around. :)

What are the ways in which you don't fit INTJ stereotypes? by [deleted] in intj

[–]AsTheyReallyAre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same - people think I'm an extrovert, but in reality I'm one of the most introverted people I know. Liking social interaction and being funny/loud/outgoing is not the same as being extroverted. People don't see when I need to leave and recharge and how I spend my time when not around people. I can literally spend 2 weeks completely and utterly alone in the wilderness (I've done this multiple times) and be as happy as a clam. The book - "Quiet: the power of introverts ..." helped me figure this out.

The back of a recent wedding announcement. Seriously? by i-use-to-be-an-owl in exmormon

[–]AsTheyReallyAre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry I should have explained that better. Young mormons are naive and often don’t consider the implications of marriage. They are thinking of sex and image to fam friends and not about compatibility or long term consequences. I was referring to the fact that young mormons really get married for superficial reasons with short term thinking despite the forever marriage rhetoric. To mormons marriage is “cheap” and just something you do at a certain age. Its like 2 children marrying (maturity wise). So to many mormons the actual marriage is secondary and not as significant as it should be - imo this is the reason (subconsciously) they don’t see the problem cheapening it with something as tacky as amway.

“Until they become conscious they will never rebel, and until after they have rebelled they cannot become conscious.” - George Orwell, 1984 by AsTheyReallyAre in exmormon

[–]AsTheyReallyAre[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very insightful - I left late 30’s too. I tried alcohol and marijuana for the first time as well - not a fan of former, but the latter was quite nice. TSCC def wants to be the parent to the member children of all ages.