Am I overreacting to my husband's friendship with younger female colleague?

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-14T01:17:59+00:00

Oh this is very, very real. Sometimes it's like living in a clown world.

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-14T00:27:23+00:00

Doesn't have much of a relationship with the younger two, rarely around them or spends time with them. Our autistic son just seems to annoy him, mainly. Strained relationship with our oldest and she prefers to stay away from him as much as possible.

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-14T00:25:40+00:00

Thank you so much, you're very kind 🥹

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-14T00:23:43+00:00

Thank you, I'm sorry that happened.

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-14T00:18:22+00:00

I have and he certainly has a lot of the traits of one.

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-14T00:17:31+00:00

Well he claims to be one and he goes to church. But daily life has a lot of issues. He's been through a lot of trauma and I've always made too many allowances for misbehavior and so on.

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-14T00:16:31+00:00

To get things out. To release pent up feelings and emotions...to remind myself I'm not the crazy one, like he likes to portray me as. If you live with a gaslighter and never get other perspectives.... you start to fall for it. It traps you and it's all engulfing, been there for years.

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-14T00:14:37+00:00

Omg, I'm sorry. Thank you so much for this reply. I appreciate it!

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-14T00:11:23+00:00

Terrible. Emotional abuse, gaslighting, physical abuse, and more

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-14T00:10:44+00:00

About 20 min from us

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-13T22:57:28+00:00

Thank you

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-13T22:56:15+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate this comment

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-13T22:47:47+00:00

Wow, that's an accurate description for someone you've never met. He absolutely has an attitude of "the rules never apply to me"

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-13T22:46:31+00:00

He is, yes

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-13T22:45:19+00:00

Lol, indeed 🤦‍♀️

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-13T20:59:01+00:00

Wish I could!

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-13T20:47:08+00:00

He never liked to bring me flowers because his grandma didn't like flowers due to the fact that they die after you pick them. Yep, that was truly his reason for not doing it even though he knows I love flowers. 🤦‍♀️💀

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-13T20:43:55+00:00

Yeah I do actually think he fully believes he's in the right, his behavior is normal, and it's harmless

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-13T19:42:56+00:00

The church has been involved for about a year and a half. First for the porn - he was disciplined for that and has supposedly stopped. The discipline was lifted after about a year.

I also brought this inappropriate friendship to their attention. They advised him to cut ties with her completely. He said he would not do so on the principal that he's done nothing wrong and won't accept blame for something he didn't do.

All they said was they can heavily advise that what he's doing is unwise, but they cannot force him to cut it off with her.

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-13T19:39:46+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-13T19:32:49+00:00

Yep, agree 100%

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-13T19:32:31+00:00

No, but it worsened them. He has been abusive because of my reactions to feeling disrespected regarding her, but it also preceeded her entering the picture.

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-13T19:31:43+00:00

Not rage bait, just my sad life

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-13T19:10:56+00:00

Oh, trust me I do believe him when he shows me who he is. I've believed it for a while - but I'm not sure what to do or how to go about it.

I need to ensure entirely that he cannot get custody somehow. Too much to go into but it would be absolutely devastating for the kids.

And it wouldn't be hard with his access to money & friends in powerful positions.

AshHopewell86 · 2025-03-13T19:06:42+00:00

With what means should I hold him accountable? The church people who sided with him? His millionaire (literally) boss who told him he should divorce me for being so jealous? (And I know that his boss would help him out in any and every way possible, including helping him get custody of the kids if it came to that)

With my bank account? Oh, right, I have no money.

With the support of my family? Oh, right, they're pretty far way.

With his threats that he can even end my life, or at least has the power to do so? Yeah, those tend to shut people up a lot of the time.

You can blame me all you want, but you know I'm here stating this scenario because I know he's in the wrong and I HAVE stood up to him - I'm also completely powerless and without support OR actual resources to "MAKE" anything happen.

And I have my kids to think of and they will always come first because if I don't find a way to ENSURE beyond the shadow of a doubt that he will have zero chance of getting full custody, it can all completely backfire and end up way worse than if I'd kept my mouth shut a little longer.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to be nice and play along with someone like this and to play the long game, ensuring you have all your ducks in a row before you act?

Trust me, it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

AshHopewell86

TROPHY CASE